Never Leaving Your Partner Behind...by Listening

Listening is a skill that we all possess, though men and women approach it differently. Basically, we could probably listen to anyone talk about things we’re interested in, for “hours”. However, when it comes to play in relationships, we tend to have a “limited supply” of listening. This tends to be unfortunate when it comes to deepening your relationship with your spouse.

Webster defines it this way: 1: to pay attention to sound 2: to hear something with thoughtful attention: give consideration 3: to be alert to catch an expected sound

Men will usually get the bad rap for not being able to listen. Whether they are accused of not remembering a detail after being told a few moments before or they are caught tuning out their spouse after a certain length of time. However, in different ways, women can be not as good of listeners, too.

Women enjoy talking to get to know the other person better. They love to share ideas and hear that the receiver is sharing in that idea with them, even if they have a difference of opinion. They like to connect and grow closer to that person by sharing a bit of themselves. Hence, why they like to talk about their day, her family, her house, or what “Susie” is doing in her life. They enjoy talking about their struggles with decorating, their job, or their wardrobe.

Men enjoy talking about what they’ve done, too. They enjoy talking about their tools, trucks, sports, accomplishments, etc. They like to tell their spouse about their day, not to “express feelings”, but to simply inform (and usually in much shorter paragraphs).

Husbands can listen to their wife the way she needs it, but it requires effort. Especially, in areas that are not of the husband’s interest (don’t forget to steer away from the “solving” approach, sometimes she just needs you to listen). Wives like to connect through conversing with their husbands. However, when it comes to areas that the wife is not interested in, it may take as much effort as it does for the husband. To be the most effective, you may have to turn off the TV, go to Starbucks, take a drive, wait till the kids are in bed, or anything else that may distract you from each other.

Listening is a way to grow closer to your partner. Depending on the subject area, one side of the conversation may be shorter than the other. The length of time is not what is important, but that you take time to listen to each other to help make your marriage “fireproof”.

Learning to listen…