In the Ring: MinsteRING, CoveRING, BeaRING, SuffeRING

I remember that there was a time in which I was naive to think that since my girlfriend and I were getting along so well, a continual long relationship (aka marriage) was going to be easy. We could talk, share, and spend time with each other and things were great. This wasn't even the first few months, several months later it was like that. However, was I wrong.

After falling off of "Cloud 9" reality set in. My love for her had not changed, but the reality that things were not "easy," at least as much as I determined, was a wake up call.

I knew we were "different" people - being male and female. However, I thought things would be as easy as they started out being. We weren't young when we started dating (in college), so I was not talking from a fourteen or eighteen year old perspective.

Understanding all this, once I became "in the 'ring'" I found out that being married was work on my part. I know there were responsibilities outside of doing dishes, paying bills, and other general responsibilities. But outside of that I realized I had a lot to do to be a "good husband" on a deeper basis.

This brings us to what we discussed Sunday as we continued with our "In the 'Ring'" sermon series. Here are some applications to choose from to use...

• MinisteRING ~ Both the husband and the wife have needs. I will HIGHLY suggest the book "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs. I have read "The 5 Love Languages" and "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" and this book is better than all of those. So if you've read those, please read the book I suggested. I enjoyed it as a male and it made so much sense to me regarding my wife's needs and how she operated.
• CoveRING ~ Take time to pray for your partner. We're all vulnerable. Women are vulnerable to not feeling beautiful enough and fears. Men are vulnerable to immodest dressing and being valued. These are just a couple of examples. Ask your partner what they are vulnerable to and then pray for those areas - and pray often.
• BeaRING ~ Being able to understand no one is perfect is important. Most of us know this on one side of the argument, but some of us tend to jump to conclusions about their partner on occasion. These types of occasions might be when someone says something and we mistake their tone for being what it was not intended to come across.
• SuffeRING ~ The closer we get, the more likely we are going to bother one another. In the marriage relationship, when we love and trust one another, it doesn't take much for someone to feel unloved or disrespected. These types of mistakes do not mean to quit the relationship. There are very few reasons to do so. Suffer through and communicate in order to help grow the relationship.

As Valentines 2012 is tomorrow, may you be able to express your love for one another in an awesome way! Have a great day of "love!"

Now it's your turn...what has been a great benefit to your marriage? A book, seminar, another individual or couple, etc.????

"I Don't"...Want Anyone Else - Ecclesiastes 9:9

Are you one who sees greener grass in other areas?  Do you look at your own circumstances, then compare your life to someone else's and think something like "They have it better?"  It could be about a job, a car they drive, their income, their life (in general), or even their love life (whether married or single)?  Specifically talking about the last option, do you ever think what it would be like to be married or in a relationship with someone else? Do you ever long to have your life be something it is not probably ever going to be? 

As we started a new relationship series yesterday called "I Don't" we are looking at different phrases to add to that which will help us to enhance the relationship we are in.  Specifically, we talked about the phrase "I Don't Want Anyone Else".  This is a renewal and a refocus type of series, attempting to get our minds back on the right track concerning relationships (both personal and spiritual).

Why is it that "green grass" is attractive?  It often is just a mirage to our senses because the "grass" we are able to be around at the moment is just what we need.  Here are some applications to choose from to use this week...

1. Make a list of ten things/areas that you like about your spouse/significant other (if you are not in a relationship, make a list of someone in the church you don't know so well).  What talents they have, why you like them, etc.
2. Re-read your vows that you said to each other, in which you probably responded "I do"
3. Read some of the "one another" passages to refresh yourself as to how you should look at those of which you share your faith.  Here are some examples: John 13:34-35, Romans 12:10, Romans 15:7, Galatians 5:13, Ephesians 4:2, Ephesians 4:32, Hebrews 3:13, 1 Peter 5:5
4. Pray - If you're having a difficult time not seeing your pasture as "green" then you should be taking it to Him in prayer and asking Him to keep your thoughts and/or eyes on the pasture your in.  It doesn't matter if you are just looking for another job or another partner, or anywhere in between.  Appreciate what you have!
5. Accountability - Similar to the above, you need to find someone who will encourage you to keep your thoughts/emotions/eyes on the pasture your at right now.  Not being transparent when you are dealing with difficulties just makes it that much more difficult to overcome.
6. Stay Away From the Fence - If you are having difficulties looking at something to think it is "better", then maybe you need to stay away from the fence that marks off the "greener pasture" and turn around to look at yours.  Leaning on the fencepost and looking out at the "pasture" may cause you to do something you regret - jumping over the fence.

It is frightening how many people "jump over the fence" to dabble in that which is on the other side, literally or figuratively.  It seems that once-a-month I hear of something that has happened in a marriage in the town I live in.  People have forgotten that they would be loyal to their partner.  However, the same kind of thing can happen among church brethren that involves unhappiness with your fellow church members so you look for somewhere else to "go".  These situations all boil down to the "ME" syndrome.  You aren't getting what you want so you start looking somewhere else.  Instead of the "we" approach where you look out for what is best for the both or all of you and how things can be improved.

May we make commitments and stick to them and to remind ourselves that "I Don't Want Anyone Else!"




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Never Leaving Your Partner Behind…by Praying

This will be a small series of posts...one today, one tomorrow, then the other two will be the next two weeks, on a Tuesday. They are bulletin articles, but thought others might benefit
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In the movie, Fireproof, there is a scene in the beginning where the Fire Captain Caleb Holt is reprimanding one of his younger firefighters for leaving his partner at their last fire to go and help someone else. The firefighter may have had good intentions, but it left his partner in the lurch. He could have been killed. Caleb tells him, “Never leave your partner behind”. When I saw this movie, I knew exactly where this was going in respect to the plot of the film.

As we look at the movie as inspiration to our series, I want to look at a few ways we can apply the idea of “never leaving our partner behind”.

Never leave your partner behind by praying for them. There are so many fires that we all can find ourselves in throughout the day that we need protection from the inconsumable God.

One of the passions of mine and Aubrey’s is marriage combined with prayer. During the next month or two, look for advertising of Aubrey starting a “Power of a Praying Wife” study. I know that wives are busy with work and/or family, however, this once-a-week study will definitely be worth the time that you take out of your busy schedule! Words cannot describe the reward that you will receive by going through this study!

Then, in September, in correlation with Monday Night Football, I will be having the “Power of a Praying Husband” study. I thoroughly enjoy going through this study, as it teaches me how to specifically pray for what my wife needs. Each chapter has a separate need to be praying for her on. Plus, once we’re done with our study, then we get to watch football.

These studies do not only help your own prayer life, but they help your partner feel protected!

You don’t have to wait until these studies are here to be praying for your partner. Start now! Prayer draws you closer, which has many benefits! Also, pray together, this is a great activity to becoming closer and more connected to your partner.

Remember, you may have good intentions when you are doing activities throughout the day, but when we get wrapped up in those activities, we can have a tendency to leave our partner in the middle of a “fire”. So, one way to never leave your partner behind…is by praying for them!

Monday Mentionings: "In the 'Ring'" - Part 4 - I Corinthians 13:1-7

It was good to get to spend some extra time together yesterday after assembly in sharing a meal together. The fellowship was very enjoyable!

We concluded the "In the 'Ring'" series yesterday as we looked at four other words/concepts to use in our relationships (honoring, cheering, persevering, and revering). I pray that you have been impacted in a positive way throughout the series. Here are some additional applications to consider as you use this lesson in your life...

1. Has your marriage lost its sheen? If so, maybe it needs a good coat of wax to bring back the shine and shimmer it once had. As you attempt to "wax" your marriage, may you recommit yourself to your spouse. Husbands, tell your wife how beautiful she is, how you are keeping your eyes only on her and not on anyone else, and how much you love her. Wives, tell your husband how much you appreciate all he does for the family, and how handsome he is, how much you respect him.

2. GO TEAM! The team of husband and wife, that is. Encourage your spouse today, because it is called Today (Hebrews 3:13). Pray for your spouse, compliment them, or talk about their dreams and goals. When you cheer them on, try to find something that would catch them off guard, in regards to making them feel special. Something that others do not really know about them, that you think is incredible.

3. Have you been through any "valley's" lately with your marriage? Was your weekend restful, or did you have a moment or so of upsetting each other? Was last week stressful and it caused some not-so-pleasant moments? Are you not talking to each other because of a situation that flared up? These are some areas that one might consider a "valley". However, there is hope in love. Think back to the moment you "fell in love", what made your spouse so special/appealing? Remember, love hopes all things, bears all things, believes all things, and endures all things (I Corinthians 13:7). If you need something in your marriage, I'd be glad to pray about it for you, just let me know.

4. Where does your spouse rank on your priority list? Ideally, they should be just below God. When you have a reverent spirit, you put that person very high on your list. This may be challenging, at times, but that is part of what we signed up for when we said "I do". Being revering toward our spouse will strengthen the marriage and make the marriage much more stable. Whether you are having difficulty in where your spouse is on your list or not, pray about it - so they can stay or move up.

May God bless you with many open doors to share Jesus with others, and may you have the boldness to walk through them!

Have a great week!

Looking for openings ~

Monday Mentionings: In the 'Ring' - Part 3 - Ephesians 5:33

I thoroughly enjoy marriage! Aubrey and I are both passionate about marriage and family. Speaking for myself, I see much of the problems that are in our society being related to the home. Whether that home consists of a married couple, a married couple and children, or single parent with children, having a strong home life, I think, would greatly reduce the amount of problems in life. There are so many facets to cover when talking about what a good home life entails that it is impossible to cover that in an e-mail. Because I have such a passion to see better husbands, wives, parents, families, etc., that is part of the reason for using February as a time to focus on marriage/relationships. Here are some applications from yesterday's sermon to use in your own life...

1. Listen to your spouse. That involves both the words they say and the way their body gives you messages. When you are able to hear what your spouse is saying, it makes things easier. However, it takes lots of practice and exposure to understand them. There may still be times that you may think you hear one thing, but your spouse was trying to communicate something different. Also, when your spouse says something that offends you, it may have been because of something you said to them to cause them to come back with offensive words. When spouses go back and forth, that is called the Crazy Cycle. It is up to the "bigger" person to stop it. Listening to your spouse includes all times and occasions. May God bless you with good ears to hear and discern what your spouse means and needs.

2. Marriage is 100%-100%. Some of the 100% from each person is a sense of sacrifice, or offering of yourself to the marriage. Have you sacrificed in your marriage? What have you given up for the sake of your marriage? Christ is our example of what it means to sacrifice - he gave himself up for the church. Our daily challenge is to give up ourselves for someone else - our spouse, an acquaintance, a stranger, or even an enemy. Offering of ourselves is one way we can be the church of Christ!

3. Do you have any problems forgetting what your spouse likes/dislikes? Maybe you can take some time to sit down with each other and ask questions, then write down the answers. These would be things that make them feel good. For example, if your wife likes nail polish, ask her what kind she likes. If your husband has a particular hobby, find out what he would like to have that he may not buy for himself (tools, video games, hunting/fishing equipment, instrument equipment, etc.) Maybe if you are passing a restaurant and one says, "We should go there sometime." Keep that in mind the next time you're looking for a place to go eat.

4. Do you and your mate still sit by each other to watch TV? If you don't, for whatever reason, take some time to sit next to each other. Hold hands, to add to the situation. If it isn't your practice to sit near each other, then you don't have to sit by each other from now on, just do it occasionally. Don't let kids be in the middle during this time. Do you go shopping together? Maybe one or both of these can be a way you can be appearing or involved in your marriage.

Marriage is about being "in the 'ring'". May you understand how your marriage can be that much stronger as you are practicing heaRING, offeRING, remembeRING, and appeaRING in your marriage.

Have a great week!

Serving Him ~

Monday Mentionings: In the "Ring" - Part 2 - Deuteronomy 24:5

It was a great day to be with the family, yesterday! Bible Class and the assembly was a real pick-me-up for my week! I hope that you were able to be encouraged and uplifted during the “family reunion”!

We continued with our second week of our marriage series, “In the ‘Ring’”, yesterday. This series examines how we are to be by looking at words that have the letters r-i-n-g in them. Yesterday, we looked at concepts from the following words or phrases: MinisteRING to Their Needs, CoveRING, BeaRING, & SuffeRING. As we review these from yesterday, may you find some applications to use in your week…

1. Husbands and wives are totally different. There differences do not make them wrong, just different. When we learn to understand those differences, our marriages will be much better and smoother. The needs that we looked at for the wives and husbands come out the recommended book “Love and Respect”. The wife’s needs from their husband are: Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteeming. The husband’s needs from their wife are: Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality. Also, we are to serve one another in love. As you go through this week, whether it is a spouse or others, practice doing things for others with an attitude of service and love.
2. Just as it is important to have a cover over your house, called a roof, which protects all your personal belongings, it is important to have a covering over your spouse. You have lots of important, priceless things in your home; your spouse is no less important. Make sure you cover your spouse in prayer, each and every day! This will greatly enhance your marriage! As a church, we should also be covering each other in prayer to help keep us all protected from the world, Satan, etc.
3. Since we are all unique individuals it should not surprise us that we might do things that may rub others the wrong way, whether it is in a marriage, in the church, at work, etc. Christ taught us that when someone rubs us the wrong way, we are to turn the other cheek. He also taught us to be forgiving. This week, as someone rubs you the wrong way, apply those principles. But even before anything happens, pray for God’s help to recognize the situations and to be able to do the right thing when you are in that situation.
4. In marriage, we are certain to go through rough patches. The amount of suffering that accompanies these “patches” varies, depending on the couple and the situation. If you are suffering in life and/or your marriage, pray for your spouse and/or that you will come out stronger than when you first started. Also, count your blessings. Thirdly, remember that Christ suffered, but “scorned the cross for the joy that was before Him” (paraphrased Hebrews 12:2). May God bless you with victories through your sufferings!

Have a great week of sharing Jesus!

Loving my spouse ~

Monday Mentionings: In the "Ring" - Part 1 - Genesis 2:19-24

February is here, which means the Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Like most holidays, the advertising hype and the psychological hype is much greater before the event. Once the event has passed, it isn’t on your mind and doesn’t seem as important anymore. However, in the case of Valentine’s Day and marriages, the chivalry and romance should not get “passed” and left to one day a year. Valentine’s Day is set aside to be a little more romantic than normal, but it should not be the only day we are romantic and chivalrous toward our spouses. May we be inspired to do something regularly for our spouses, like pray for them, give them notes, tell them how good they look, pray with them, take time for them, take part in their hobbies, tell them how much we love/respect them, call them out of the blue, and sometimes, some spouses like it when they get some of their “own” time.

This sermon series, titled “In the ‘Ring’” is couched around the idea of marriage. We are looking at different words/phrases with the letters r-i-n-g in them and applying them to marriage to our spouse, as well as, our spiritual marriage commitment to our Lord. The words/phrase we looked at Sunday were the following: weaRING, bRING things to the marriage, shaRING, God-feaRING. Here are some applications to use this week as you serve Him…

1. Wearing your ring is important to the marriage, as it continually reminds you of the commitment you made to your spouse. Appreciate the opportunity you have to wear your ring. As Christians, we also wear Christ. When you were clothed with Christ, you made a commitment to Him. Wear Christ with pride and show off your pristine clothes to those around you this week as you demonstrate what it means to be Christlike to those in your workplace, at school, in restaurants, at the store, etc.
2. If you are married, you brought things with you, call it baggage. Anything that was in the past that has an affect on your marriage, whether your spouse knows about it or not, like people you dated/hung around with, if you’ve had other marriages and/or children, if you’ve been involved with drugs, drinking, pornography, etc., your family’s relationship, if you’ve been in jail, if you went to college, etc. would be included here. What did you bring to your marriage relationship? For all Christians, what are things which you brought to your life in Christ? Pray that you will be able to either tell your spouse of something from the past, continue to work through something you and your spouse are dealing with from things of your past, and/or work on giving things to God that are from the past which still affect you in the present and future. It is easier to go through life without baggage!
3. Sharing your life with the one you love is priceless! You have memories that are both good and bad, but through it all you become best friends. Share with your spouse how your feel about them. You may say that they already know, but these types of things never grow old – so, go ahead and tell them – again! As Christians and our “marriage” to God we get to share in memories of sharing our faith with others. Make a memory by sharing your faith this week with someone, then share that experience with me…I would like to hear how it went!
4. Being a couple which is God-fearing has many benefits toward the marriage. Your commonality allows you to do some amazing things together as the two of you team up with God to serve in the Kingdom. If one of you is not a believer, pray that your influence will be able to positively influence their heart to want to become a Christian. For all Christians, pray that you will continually be in constant reverent fear of God and may that allow you to keep Him as number one in your life!

Have a great week being “in the ‘ring’”!

Awaiting my weekly surprise ~