Be Honest...With Your Friend

One of the things I remember quite clearly when we did our marriage counseling was to be honest when a person asked a question. If you don't expect an honest answer you should ask the question was the message given to the "question asker."

Too often when we are in a situation of advice, we often tend to sugar coat the answer. I see this frequently when a person confides in a cohort about personal problems that involve another party. For example, when someone is the victim of a relationship issue (be it friends, occupational, or marriage/dating, the person who is hearing the information generally takes the side of their friend. In return, they are not only hearing the negative of the other person/party, but they will likely defend their friend.

Keeping these concepts in mind, here is this week's quote...

In giving advice, seek to help, not to please, your friend. ~ Solon

Keep in mind that not every situation is the same. Sometimes a person needs the shoulder to cry on, but there are still other times when the person needs to hear the truth. They need to know that though they were wronged, the other party may have been wronged as well. Whether it was today, yesterday, or sometime in the recent past.

When we are trying to listen to a friend, make sure you are able to see both sides of a situation. Telling your friend they were completely right is not going to help them out in the end. They are going to feel more "right" and fight for that right to be right.

This may also span into communicating to your children. They are not likely the best singers, dancers, artists, or athletes. There are ways to communicate and applaud their efforts without going overboard and making them feel like they should be the next "star" in the field they are aspiring to be involved in. I have found ways to practice this with my kids. This way they do not have a false hope when it comes to their aspirations.

Now it's your turn...how have you handled the idea of honesty when it came to giving advice to a friend/spouse/child, etc.?

You is Kind. You is Smart. You is Important.

People often need reminded how good they really are. Life has a way of sucking the goodness out of people. Whether it is temporary or long-term, something comes along to be a “goodness sucker.” When you are a child, you want to be notable in your parent’s eyes. You will ask for their attention in various ways. You have a natural instinct to try to achieve that in any way you can. When it is lacking you may “act out” just to receive some attention. As you get a little older the days on the playground will serve as one of your platforms. You will try to be good at the things you try to gain friends and respect. When there is a lack in the areas mentioned, you may become snotty and even mean to try to demand attention. Then the teenage years come and you start to develop a desire to have a place in society. You may start to dress a certain way or talk a certain way, all in hopes to be the best “you.” As you phase into adulthood, the responsibilities become greater as well as greater amounts of stress. You handle each stress differently and may be able to handle some better than others.

In all of these scenarios some things are still vital. What are those vital things? They include the fact that you matter. Whether or not your parents give you the attention you deserve, you matter. Whether or not your friends on the playground think you’re the best at things, you matter. Whether or not people understand why you are acting like you do, you matter. Whether or not the stresses of adult have weighed you down, you matter. In the good and the bad situations in life the same theme runs through it all – you matter.

We can easily forget this when it comes to life, as I speak from experience. Each one of us has various experiences, so what I have experienced may not pale in comparison to what you have experienced. However, as a third child of four, I can remember doing some things to try to make myself stand out in my family. I can remember enjoying attention from my parents. Craving the time spent with mom and dad, individually and together. As I went to a few different schools, I can remember trying to prove myself at each school. Even at the school I attended the longest, I can remember continually trying to prove myself. As one who had struggles as a teen, I can remember trying to be more mature to fit in with those older than I was, including adults. As an adult, I have had various stresses and found myself swimming in worry. I wish I would have had someone there reminding me along the way that I mattered. This last sentence is not to say that I was degraded nor did I never receive any encouragement, but life has a way of drifting. Amongst our drifts, we tend to forget to remember that we matter or remind someone else that they matter.

Recently, I saw the movie titled, “The Help.” This movie was about the lives of black women who served as maids in the homes of white families. The maids were often referred to as “the help.” They were often degraded, due to issues with segregation. Some families built separate bathrooms for their “help” to use. These maids were more than cleaning ladies. They were also nannies to their young kids. They invested their life into their work, caring for the families.

One of the main characters worked for a family with two young children. The older of the two was around three-years old. The maid to this family would often say to this young girl, “You is smart. You is kind. You is important.” Then, she would have the little girl repeat the phrase back a time or two. She wanted this little girl to know that she mattered, not only in the eyes of the maid eyes but also in the eyes of the little girl.

As a parent, I have found that it is necessary to make sure my kids know that they matter. There have been several times when I told my son that I was proud of him he would get a smile on his face. It immediately showed me how important it was for me to express that to him. There have also been times when he would ask “why” I was proud of him.

For parents, I want to challenge you to let your children know that you are proud of them, not just love them, no matter their age. I still enjoy it when I hear from my parents those types of words. We cannot fill their minds with encouragement that simply makes them feel good but tell them honest words describing why you are proud of them. This is also important when you may be talking to a younger child that is experiencing some jealousy of older siblings.

I also want you, as a reader, to understand that you matter. You is kind. You is smart. You is important. You are good at many things. May you utilize those good things as you go through life. You are important to your culture and society. You have a lot to contribute. You matter to many, including me. Though I may not know you, I would be able to find something to be proud about. Celebrate your accomplishments and revel in your smallest of victories!

Remember, you matter! Now, say this phrase a few times, “You is kind, you is smart, and you is important!”

Have Any Advice...For Yourself?

In the recent past I have had the opportunity to be a facilitator for what is being called a “Parent Café.” The set up is parents talking about various topics in an open forum. They rotate to four tables and have four different types of questions.

I am involved as a “fatherhood facilitator.” My questions start by talking to all the fathers or male guardians. We have at least ten minutes to make it through two questions. One question is “What would you want people to know about your child(ren)?” The other question is “What advice would you give other parents?”

Both of these created quite a buzz among the people who participated. It was fun to hear all the different answers. It was also fun to hear the various people share.

As I would ask the second question, during a portion of the time we were allotted to answer the question, I would rephrase the question. I would say “What advice would you give yourself, before you had kids, of something you've learned as a parent?”

Thinking about this in a different way, what advice would you give yourself about your Christian walk at this stage in your life? How many come to your mind as you continue to read this article?

Would it any of these? 1. Be Patient 2. Pick Your Battles 3. Encourage more 4. Spend more time with ____

It could be one of many answers, but what advice would you give yourself?

Why Do You Speak in Parables? - A message to demonstrate the importance of using word pictures/illustrations

As my children grow and enter into their various stages, I am continually amazed at how much I take for granted for what I know. It seems that my son who is the oldest, will ask "what does that mean" types of questions. Just recently he wanted to know what it meant for something to "have an advantage." He didn't understand what the word "advantage" meant. It made me stop and think how can I explain it to him. I tried my best.

When it comes to describing things to people or wanting them to understand something more in depth, it is useful to have pictures or at least, word pictures. This helps people to have a further grasp of what you are talking about.

Sunday, we looked at Matthew 13:10-17 where Jesus is asked why He speaks in parables by His disciples. He goes on to explain why. However, what does that mean for us in today's society? Here are some applications for you to choose from to hopefully help with that answer...

• Clarity ~ When someone doesn't understand a point you are trying to make or some part of the point, to use a word picture helps them to grasp your concept, keeping you both on the same page. It is a mute point to not have both on the same point when trying to illustrate. This made me think of our American idioms and how they can be easily mistaken when translated to other languages...know of any?
• Understanding Your Faith ~ Some people may not understand how deep your faith is based on quoting "book-chapter-and-verse" to them from the Bible. They may not even know the characters you may be referencing when telling them about stories. You may have to take a pause and give the characters other names or use other characters to help illustrate. Maybe even use movie/show scenes/characters to help drive home the point. It may take some time...be patient.
• Draw Them In ~ When you've heard or told "ghost stories" you may remeber the use of word pictures. Some words may indicate objects, whereas others, sounds. These help draw the listener in just in time for the punch line and causing a good scare in people. Without them it is like watching a suspense show with no music. Most of you know the Jaws music before the shark attacks. Imagine what it would be like not to hear that. When you use word pictures it helps draw people in and allows them to be more invested in what you are trying to communicate.

It would be to our advantage to use word pictures when trying to illustrate points. Sometimes it may not be able to be used, but other times its use will be helpful. The problem I've ran in to is when I don't know how to explain it another way. It usually marks my comfort level with the word and not knowing anything else.

Now it's your turn...when have you had success/frustration in using illustrations/word pictures?

"Me 'Firt'!" - aka "Me First!"

I would like to go so far as to say “everyone does it” but there are probably some exceptions to the rule. What everyone likely does at sometime in their young life is to strive for independence and meaning. Ava, our two-year old is well into that stage of life. Whenever I am wanting her and Oliver to do something, she will often say “Me firt!” She wants to do the task that I am allowing or assigning them to do first. Even when there are times which Oliver may want to look at something, for example, she pipes in with “Me firt, Oliver!” She wants meaning in her life and would like to have independence. She also exercises that desire by not wanting to have her hand held when we are in parking lots.

Why is it that she wants to be first? What is it that she does not want to be after Oliver? I am not talking about a scientific or clinical reason, but more of an intellectual reason. She has a great desire to let her abilities be known and already learning that first is “good.” We may race up the stairs and see who “wins.” They may be in a “race” to be buckled first to get the “buckle badge” (something invisible that simply affirms I’m proud of their obedience). They want to out do one another and are driven to do that at this stage in their life.

As we go about life as a Christian, what is our drive? Are we driven to try to be “first?” When we are challenged by a thought or song, do we seek to be the first to go out and do something? Are we driven to be “firt?” Or are we simply letting it go in one ear and out the other? Are we not caring if we’re first or last in the challenge?

As you read this, may you be inspired to go out and see what you can do for Him. We are not in a competition with one another, but sometimes if we felt like “I’m going to get to someone you know first” then you may be inspired and motivated rather than just letting it pass. So, who will it be this week? When hearing a challenge, who will be the one to say, “Me firt!”?

Leaving a Legacy of Yourself to Yourself

Legacy...something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past (reference Mirriam-Webster). As a parent, I am often conscience of the fact that what I do with and in front of my children will have a long-term effect on them. I am creating a legacy for how they will operate (act, prioritize, associate, etc.). Whether that is how I treat their mother, how I walk the Christian walk, how I treat others, how I act in public, or how I raise them, there are so many areas which this applies.

I was just thinking that I will often say to people, in person or on the phone, with sincerity, "Have a good day!" Lately I've heard my 4-year old say that to people when we leave. It gives you that warm fuzzy feeling because you know you are showing a positive example to your child.

I think that when we go day to day, as parents, we may forget that compromising on some areas in life may have some detrimental outcomes to our children's future. But think about how some of the same areas of compromise can have detrimental outcomes to our own future. That brings us to this week's quote...

Create the kind of self you will be happy to live with all your life. ~ Foster C. McClellan

If you've ever played Jenga you know that it is inevitable that the tower will fall. You build and build, but sometimes things happen that causes the tower to fall and you start the game over. In life, I think we have a tendency to operate the same way. Each day is a building process, even adding to others' lives. Some days we may "tear down" some others with a choice we made. Then, other days we are building back up. There seems to be a constant building and tearing down. Hopefully, there is more building than tearing down!

As you are building on your own life, you should look to have a day that is creating a legacy, within you, that you are going to be building up most days that the future will be a good one.

I am not talking just about morals, treating others, the Christian walk, but also our physical health is important. Whether it is our diet, exercise, smoking, drugs, alcohol, etc., the future may reflect on how we treated ourselves years prior. One nutrition fact I heard of late, that it takes about 60 minutes of walking to expend a 12 oz. can of soda. So, you can either increase your exercise for the day or decide to cut out that extra and drink water for one meal. That really put it into perspective for me, both from a personal and parenting perspective.

What will the "you" look like in 5, 10, or 30 years? Will you be happy to live with yourself at that time in your life?

Now it's your turn...what choices have you made that caused you to learn from, to change to make your future better?

Tell Me. Show Me. Involve Me.

Everyone has different learning styles. Certain groups are going to have similar styles and may be grouped into one of a few various styles. I think we all possess the ability to learn something from every methodology; we just prefer one or two more.

Maybe you are a person who likes to sit and listen to people. You may soak it in. Or you may see something and retain the information better. I think a combination of one of those with "doing" will help you grasp the concept all the more. That brings us to this week's quote...

Tell me and I will forget. Show me and I may remember. Involve me and I will understand. ~ Unknown

It seems there are so many areas this quote is applicable. Directions, for instance, someone could tell me how to drive from one place to another and I may remember some of it (presuming there are several turns, etc.). I may be able to visualize it, to remember it more, if shown on a map. However, I will likely understand it much more after I have driven the route and know what to look for as I drive.

Careers are another example. You can go to college and be told many things, but that doesn't guarantee that you will know how to "do" a job. You can shadow someone for any length of time and see how they respond to various situations, but you are different and may respond differently. You can live and work in a career and be able to understand far more than you were ever told or shown, so to be able to do well at your job.

A third example is parenting. Were you one of those that had the "great ideas" before you had kids? "My kids aren't going to act like that" may have been your thoughts; partially because you thought you knew how to handle a child. I was one of those. To some extent that may be true, as I read or heard things on parenting. Following an example, TV or real life, I've learned some other ways of effective parenting. However, actually being in the middle of it, I have learned much more. As each child is different, there are applications to parenting one must apply at various times in various ways.

I like this quote when it comes to being involved in their Christian walk. There is only so much one can retain when told about the information pertaining to Christianity. I use a projection system to help people retain the information a bit more, and that only goes so far. Trying to spur people on to practicing the things they are informed about will allow them to retain much more or making the information that is being told and shown to them stick in an experiential way, also increases retention.

As you go through life, do not let yourself be limited by the auditory or the visual, rather go out and do things to grasp the deeper knowledge.

Now it's your turn...what is your example of gaining more knowledge of experiencing over hearing or seeing?

RESTORE: A New Community

June of 1999, my wife, sister-in-law and I were traveling through Southern Colorado on our way back from a family reunion. We stopped at a gas station to fill-up and go to the restroom. I went to the restroom, came out, paid for the gasoline and went back out to the car to find my wife and sister-in-law laughing. Long story short, my sister-in-law had misread the bathroom sign and used the men's restroom. On top of that, she was in there when I was using the restroom. This continues to be a story that we laugh about.

The journey that was taken was filled with good memories. I could continue to write about moments I've had with people - some resulting in a lot of laughs, some resulting in laughs afterwards.

One continual journey is parenting. I enjoy seeing my kids learn life. I enjoy having those teachable moments come about and then seeing things "sink in." I have had my moments of learning, as well. The journey brings about a newness of knowledge and application.

As the Christian goes from conversion to heaven, there is a journey. This journey is to get as many people join in with this new life as possible. All those people who join in to create a new community. A community that presents a bigger, new life. With all that said, here are some applications to choose from to use this week...

• Need for Togetherness ~ God, when setting up mankind, said "it was not good for man to be alone." We are created to be together with others. Sometimes that pertains to marriage and other times it means that we work better in life being with others. Being all by yourself presents several negative things, but we need to think about being with people as we go through life. The church that Jesus set up creates a great environment for togetherness. Let's get some more to come along with us in this eternal life journey.
• Exciting Times ~ Excitement is attractive. When you're excited others will be excited. Though the church community is not as new as the church in Acts 2, you can choose to get excited and promote the excitement to others. Then they will get excited, then others will get excited and the snowball continues. Get excited! Be excited!
• Being Sent Out ~ As Jesus sent out a group of individuals ahead of Him, we, too, are sent out. We are being sent and He, in a sense, follows up as we plant-and-water, plant-and-water. This is very exciting for me to think that God is following behind when I am planting-and-watering. As a Christian, you are being sent out - enjoy the privilege.

To go from rundown to restored is a journey. The journey is part of the joy. This all brings about a new community of those who are restored. I enjoy joining in with God in the effort to bring others along in this journey, adding to the new community.

Now it's your turn...how have you been impacted positively in the new community?

Laugh a Little

As a dad, some of my greatest memories are seeing and hearing my kids laugh for the first time. It is so enjoyable to tickle them and get them laughing. Even as they get older to really see them laugh is a lot of fun for me. I am sure most all parents will agree.

If you are like me, there are also other instances which cause you to laugh. Sometimes just thinking about it causes you to laugh. It could have been a life experience or a movie line. As laughter is the subject for the day, that brings us to this week's quote...

A laugh is a smile that bursts. ~ Mary Waldrip

I challenge you to think about laughter today and find something that prompts it in you. If it is a movie, maybe look it up on YouTube and see if that scene is on there. If it is a life experience, recall that experience as you are having some time to yourself.

Whatever you do, just take some time to find a way to laugh. As the section in Reader's Digest is titled, "Laughter is the Best Medicine."

Make your smile burst today...laugh a little!

Now, it's your turn, what is it it that makes you laugh? or what "laughter" memory is one that stands out?

Emergency, Emergency!

"What are you going to be when you grow up?” If you ask my son this question, his answer will be “a fireman.” Over his short forty-five month life, he has told us that he is going to be a Chinese-food worker, a Pizza Hut worker, and a few other occupations, when he grows up. The latest, a fireman, has come after being introduced to the movie “Fireproof.” Though it is a movie that involves the subject of marriage, what my son takes from it is the thrilling life of “Fireman Caleb.” Caleb is the main character in the movie, played by Kirk Cameron.

Wanting to be a fireman has invoked a wide range of imaginative play. He takes the plug-in side of a cell phone charger to be the walkie-talkie that a fireman uses. He has used his bicycle helmet to be fireman’s helmet. He uses a smaller oatmeal container with a bungee cord through it as an oxygen container. It is rarely a dull moment when his imagination is in full swing and “Fireman Caleb” comes out to save the day.

Recently, I found a toy fireman’s hat and got it for him. When I showed it to him, he was very excited. I love his over-the-top showing of excitement when he receives something he really likes and the receiving of this new toy was no exception.

Recently, my son was going through his pre-bedtime ritual when I heard him exclaim, “Uh oh, Dad, your razor is in the toilet.” I ventured into the bathroom to find that one of the attachments to my mustache trimmer located at the bottom of the toilet. Upon my arrival at the toilet I said “Yep, that’s what it is.” My fourteen-month old daughter is growing more capable of taking things she finds in the house and putting them in places where one would commonly find water. As I start to reach into the water I hear my son come running from his room exclaiming “Emergency, emergency!” He had gone into his room to put on his newly acquired fireman’s hat. Now he came into the bathroom with only a t-shirt, underwear, and his toy fireman’s helmet.

As I pulled the attachment out of the toilet, I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically. The scene provided quite the entertainment.

As I thought about this situation, I couldn’t help but to think about how God must have his moments where He watches us scurry around in our “emergency” situations. My son’s “emergency” situation was no emergency at all. For him he was just playing fireman. However, in his pretending he was serious. He wanted to make sure and have his hat on so that he would be protected for the job.

As I go through my life being on God’s “team” there are times that I see a situation as an emergency and He must think, “Relax, I have this all under control.” Do you go through situations like that? Are there situations that come up that are major to you, at the time, causing you to become frazzled? However, in the grand scheme of things they are pretty little? Maybe it is losing your keys, missing a turn, forgetting an assignment at home, or a host of other issues we face.

Does God become worked up over those types of examples? I seriously doubt it. So why do we? One reason, because they are an “emergency” to us. When you miss your turn you may be heading to a job interview or some other event in which you are on a timeline. When you forget an assignment at home you are in jeopardy of having your grade lowered.

When the Israelites were in front of the Red Sea and the Egyptians were coming from behind, they, in their mind, were in an emergency. “Emergency, emergency!” they exclaimed. Though their words are paraphrased, “Why did you bring us out here to die to the Egyptians? You should have left us back in Egypt!” Putting the human aspect to the scene, I wonder if God was thinking something like, “Relax, I have it all under control. I need the Egyptians to come closer so that they will follow you across the Sea and then I can wipe them out, protecting My people.”

Are you in the middle of an emergency? I have my own emergencies often as deadlines approach. However, we must remember that God has these things all under control. As for a real emergency, that’s for another time.

Shortness of a Season: Autumn

Fall colors are practically indescribable. The deep reds, bright oranges, and golden yellows and so marvelous to look at. Last year, there was a gorgeous tree that was full of colored leaves. Then, one day, as it happens in Western Kansas, the wind blew. This was such a windy time that the beautiful tree was now just left to a few leaves and branches.

My wife and I were disappointed as we love to look at the fall colors. Like most things, they are here one day and gone the next, which brings us to this week's quote...

Autumn is really the best of the seasons; and I'm not sure that old age isn't the best part of life. But of course, like autumn, it doesn't last. ~ C.S. Lewis, "Letters of C. S. Lewis [1966] "27 October 1963""

What do you think of fall/autumn? Is it an enjoyable time for you?

Life, especially as I get older, reminds me that it is short. I want to treasure the minutes I have with my kids. Not only is our time limited, but their time as "little ones" also goes quickly.

May we appreciate life and the moments in life. The moments add up through life to give us our span. I am not the only one who has taken things for granted, but may little reminders like this help me to appreciate the moments in my life more.

Now it's your turn, What is something you wish you could have a "do over" in your life?

How Much Can You See?

How far can you see?

If you were to look out into an open field, how far could you see? If you were to look at the same field with binoculars, how far could you see? If you could look out with a telescope, how far could you see?

These instruments do allow us to see farther, and in some ways more. However, our sight is really dependent on us allowing ourselves to see what we see.

When I want my son to look at me when I am trying to explain something, he occasionally will close his eyes. Why? Because he doesn't want to see. If I were to put binoculars up to his eyes at that particular moment when he closes his eyes it would not help him see any more. He has chosen to keep the eyes closed. His vision is impaired due to his own choosing and it will not improve with any type of vision "enhancer" like binoculars or a telescope. That idea brings us to this week's quote...

Your vision is only as powerful as your commitment to pursue it! ~ Unknown

To see what you want in life is your choice. Some may throw the idea of “circumstances” into the equation, but even with circumstances, what you see is up to you.

Maybe you want to be a doctor, but you are in a situation where you cannot make it in to medical school. What can you see, regardless, that helps you get closer to that vision?

Most will stop at the dead end. However, see something else in the situation. The wall is only in front of you. What opportunities are you not seeing that is to the left, right, around the corner, or over the top?

The wall is like an eyelid that comes down to reduce the vision. If you were to look at that wall with binoculars, you wouldn’t see much. However, think about what you can still can see and pursue that.

May we go beyond what we can see and still pursue our vision!

Looking Through the Lens of a Father

My parents would probably tell you that I was a handful to raise. I did not do things that would have landed me in handcuffs or sent to the principal’s office. No, I was a smart aleck. My mouth caused me to be a “handful.” I remember being upset with my father and hollering down the hall “You’re the worst father in the world!” Needless to say, my father came back and let me know he didn’t approve. My parents were smokers and we didn’t go on a vacation one summer, I told them, “If you guys wouldn’t smoke, we’d have at least $520 extra dollars a year to go on a vacation.” That didn’t go over too well, either. Still another time, when I was twenty-two years old and was traveling to see my fiancé, I stayed at friends of the family overnight. When I talked to my mom after she had called to see if I had arrived safely, I communicated to her that I didn’t need to check in with her, as I was older now. This caused her to be very upset with me.

Can you see how I was a handful?

God must have been laughing at me as He knew that when I became a father I would be dealt some humbling blows. I have only been a father for three years, but I have already had my fair share of humble pie pieces to eat.

The first piece was just seeing my firstborn in the flesh and thinking “He’s mine and I’m responsible for him.” I started to feel a love that was unlike anything else I had ever felt. A love that feels pain and “hurts me more than it hurts him.” A love that loves always even when I do not like all the things he does. A love that is proud when I see him do something that his mother or I have instructed him to do – not go beyond limits or use his manners.

The other pieces came in times where he showed signs of stubbornness – unfortunately comes from both parents. He also has an unfortunate trait that I remember possessing, which is his keen ability to ask for something to drink or a snack as bedtime approaches to be able to stay up a few minutes more. Also, once he is in bed to need to go to the bathroom one more time.

Now that I have a daughter, she is bringing even more fun to my life. I love seeing her personality coming through as she is developing into a toddler. It will be interesting to see what type of “parent curse” she brings to my life. What will her personality bring about that reflects me when I grew up, that my son’s didn’t? I look forward to the “emotional moments” of seeing her excel in areas of learning that my son is experiencing.

I never would have thought that I would have had children that reminded me so much of myself and the stories I heard about me from my parents. It is unfortunate, the mannerisms that come about that remind me of one of my parents when it comes to dealing with my children. I say this “tongue-in-cheek,” that it is all just a “curse.”

Looking at my children through a father’s lens has caused me to be more appreciative of my parents and what I made them endure (don’t tell them that). It has also caused me to look at myself differently by viewing what I do through God’s perspective.

He must be proud when we make choices that are beneficial or when we use our manners. Maybe it is other times when we use the talents that He gave us to do good things or share our faith with others. Then, there’s the other side, when we make poor choices and it probably frustrates Him, possibly because we didn’t learn the lesson in the first place.

Seeing a situation through a different perspective can cause us to be humbled and appreciative. Think about how the “parent curse” has impacted you. After that, may we appreciate the children in our life a bit more, but most importantly, appreciate the Father in heaven more for what He deals with in us.

Love is a multifaceted component. One of those facets is the love for a child. This facet will most likely cause you to have many feelings you couldn’t imagine having until your child was born. Whether you’re a mother or a father, enjoy seeing your children through your lens and then correlating it to how God, the Father, sees and loves you.

The Father’s Grace

Parenthood, it can start at about any age from the teenage years and beyond. I had the unexpected surprise to be connected with a dad that came into that position at fifteen. This was way beyond when I was blessed to become a father. For me I was thirty-three before parenthood began.

The unique thing about each of us is that we had our own “turning point” of what I call the “curse of parenthood.” That “curse” is, in part, realizing how much a parent loves a child, in which, you didn’t realize how much my parents loved me because I didn’t appreciate it like I do now that I have a child.

Sunday, we looked at Luke 15:20b-24 as the first son comes home to be met and embraced by the father. This text displays the father showing grace to the first son. Similarly, this is a small parallel to God’s grace displayed to us. Here are some applications to choose from to use this week…

• Go to the Father ~ The son had greatly messed up. He took the blessings that the father had given him (inheritance) and blown it. I know that I am not pleased with our three-year old when he takes a new toy and seemingly ruins it. “Don’t you understand the value of taking care of it” I think. Of course he doesn’t, he’s only three. We are “three” at times and we all blow what is given to us. With our three-year old, I don’t love him any less in those times. When we do that with what God gives us, He’s still loves us and wants us to come to Him…let’s do that!
• Always in the View of the Father ~ The father in the parable saw the son a long way off. We are never out of view of the father. This is a humbling thought. However, it seems each of the times that God is referred to as a father it describes him as going over and beyond what we would expect. God is always looking for us to come to Him – whether we are in a state of “messing up” or just our daily fellowship with Him. He longs for our relationship to deepen. It is neat to think He’s always looking for us to “come home.”
• Dressed for Success ~ The first son came home with little hope. The father dispenses so much hope that he “dresses” the son for success. He gives him the best robe, a ring, and shoes. Receiving the robe was an honor. Why would/should a “squanderer” be honored? That was probably the question going through the first son’s mind. Regardless of the questions going through his mind, he was now given a position of success – all because of the father’s grace.

Grace is so mysterious. There are extremes of both – too conservative or liberal with its dispersion. Though I may not ever fully understand it, I can learn to fully appreciate it. May you enjoy the Father’s grace!

Ideas for Christmas Gifts

There are less than 25 days till Christmas, maybe you’ve purchased a gift or two…maybe you’re one of the few that is done with purchasing your gifts. If you are still searching for gifts to give here are a few ideas:

Christmas gift suggestions:
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.
~Oren Arnold

Whether you are looking for a gift or not, these are good ideas to give people throughout the season. Give them freely. Give them often. Give them over and over. Give them to strangers. Give them to enemies. Give them to friends. Give them to family. Give them to bosses. Give them to co-workers. Give them to your employees. Give them, give them, give them!  No matter what you do, just give them!
Enjoy the season of gift giving!

"I Don't"...Want Anyone Else - Ecclesiastes 9:9

Are you one who sees greener grass in other areas?  Do you look at your own circumstances, then compare your life to someone else's and think something like "They have it better?"  It could be about a job, a car they drive, their income, their life (in general), or even their love life (whether married or single)?  Specifically talking about the last option, do you ever think what it would be like to be married or in a relationship with someone else? Do you ever long to have your life be something it is not probably ever going to be? 

As we started a new relationship series yesterday called "I Don't" we are looking at different phrases to add to that which will help us to enhance the relationship we are in.  Specifically, we talked about the phrase "I Don't Want Anyone Else".  This is a renewal and a refocus type of series, attempting to get our minds back on the right track concerning relationships (both personal and spiritual).

Why is it that "green grass" is attractive?  It often is just a mirage to our senses because the "grass" we are able to be around at the moment is just what we need.  Here are some applications to choose from to use this week...

1. Make a list of ten things/areas that you like about your spouse/significant other (if you are not in a relationship, make a list of someone in the church you don't know so well).  What talents they have, why you like them, etc.
2. Re-read your vows that you said to each other, in which you probably responded "I do"
3. Read some of the "one another" passages to refresh yourself as to how you should look at those of which you share your faith.  Here are some examples: John 13:34-35, Romans 12:10, Romans 15:7, Galatians 5:13, Ephesians 4:2, Ephesians 4:32, Hebrews 3:13, 1 Peter 5:5
4. Pray - If you're having a difficult time not seeing your pasture as "green" then you should be taking it to Him in prayer and asking Him to keep your thoughts and/or eyes on the pasture your in.  It doesn't matter if you are just looking for another job or another partner, or anywhere in between.  Appreciate what you have!
5. Accountability - Similar to the above, you need to find someone who will encourage you to keep your thoughts/emotions/eyes on the pasture your at right now.  Not being transparent when you are dealing with difficulties just makes it that much more difficult to overcome.
6. Stay Away From the Fence - If you are having difficulties looking at something to think it is "better", then maybe you need to stay away from the fence that marks off the "greener pasture" and turn around to look at yours.  Leaning on the fencepost and looking out at the "pasture" may cause you to do something you regret - jumping over the fence.

It is frightening how many people "jump over the fence" to dabble in that which is on the other side, literally or figuratively.  It seems that once-a-month I hear of something that has happened in a marriage in the town I live in.  People have forgotten that they would be loyal to their partner.  However, the same kind of thing can happen among church brethren that involves unhappiness with your fellow church members so you look for somewhere else to "go".  These situations all boil down to the "ME" syndrome.  You aren't getting what you want so you start looking somewhere else.  Instead of the "we" approach where you look out for what is best for the both or all of you and how things can be improved.

May we make commitments and stick to them and to remind ourselves that "I Don't Want Anyone Else!"




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Fireproof: Illusion of Interest

Do you find yourself just looking at this, trying to figure it out? Wanting to take your eyes/mind off of it, but can't? The color combination is intriguing to create that visual stimulation that you are just in awe about why and how it can move when it is just a two-dimensional object.

Those are some of the same reactions we have when it comes to being interested in another person. For those of you that are married, when you were dating you were very interested in that person, to the point of not-stop-thinking-about-them. If you are single, then you've had those same experiences with people you have/are dating (or someone you'd like to date). The danger comes when we have the cannot-stop-thinking-about-them feelings for someone other than your spouse.

As we are examining the movie Fireproof this month, let us reflect back on the lesson yesterday that dealt with the idea of the illusion of interest...

1. When you find yourself seeing something you visually like, turn away before it draws you in further.
2. If a parent of a son, take time to teach them about the dangers of letting their eyes gawk all around at the visual images they may see on TV, in stores, in school, at the pool, etc.
3. If a parent of a daughter, take time to teach them about the dangers of being emotionally drawn in to the wrong type of guy.
4. Parents, teach your children about dressing with a sense of modesty. Usually, leaning to the girls, since boys are so visual. (Remember that one can be highly in fashion and still modest).
5. Men, though you may be visually created, you do not have license to abuse that by looking at women with this "they are objects for your viewing pleasure" mindset.
6. Women, though you may be emotionally created, you do not have license to abuse that by finding other sources of which to confide in, tell your problems to, etc.
7. Stay close to God throughout the day to help prepare your mind for action (I Peter 1:13)

The list could go on for quite a while, however, when we think we see one thing, it may only be an illusion that will trick us to think we're seeing something totally different. A simple "friendship" could turn out to be a spiraling-out-of-control situation you never thought would have happened this way. You may get to the "They just get me" illusion (speaking of someone other than your spouse) that builds up flames in your marriage so high, it can't be put out.

For those not married to a person, as Christians, you are still "married" to Jesus, as the church is the "bride of Christ". There will be many different illusions that may try to take you away from that relationship. Keep in mind to do things that will "fireproof" that relationship, also! This applies to all Christians, married or unmarried.

Happily married...

Working Hard by Doing Hard Work

We have a common phrase we say when it seems we are not able to complete a task..."I can't". You've said it, I've said it, and those yet to be born will say it. I remember saying it in school when trying to find an answer to a question. However, there are times it feels that way with God. That feeling where you just can't go on another minute/day with the situation the way it is right now.

Schools have started; practices have started; life has always started. All these things require us to work hard. This brings us to this week's quote...

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. ~ Newt Gingrich

Usually, when we say "I can't" we haven't even arrived at the point of perseverance. However, when you get to the point of thinking you can't do it any more after putting in the hard work, you have to continue working hard to complete your goal.

I encourage you to keep on working hard in your marriage, Christian walk, at your job, at school, a giving up bad "habits", at starting good "habits", in your friendships, in your sports practices, in coaching and in other areas of life.

Work hard at working hard!

Persevering...

Influencing Youth

About every 10 years it seems that the styles of dress change dramatically, to one degree or another. I just received an e-mail from "All Pro Dad" which examined how a father's influence can affect how his daughter dresses. This impacted me even if I don't have a daughter.

The other day when I was subbing a teenage girl was displaying a complacent attitude about being called an inappropriate name which depicts her morality. Within the same period she told me she was going to play football next year. She is not even close to any type of size that would be able to hold her own on the football field. She is excited, at this time, about playing. In reality, and having played a little organized football in my younger years, I doubt she will make it to the first game, but that isn't the point here.

Discussing football led to discussing what locker room she would use. She communicated a lack of care regarding dressing in front of the rest of the (male) team. I couldn't let this moment go by without suggesting that she need to "have more respect for herself" than to "not care" about where she changes. I don't know if this teenage girl has a good father-figure in her life or not. But statistics show that fathers have a very high influence on their daughters' self-esteem and other areas. I hope that teens like her will be able to develop more "care" regarding their lifestyles, whether it is through their parents' influence or others' whom they trust. May we be praying for areas like this, that God might use you to help make a difference, whether you have children or they are your children.

Boys and girls, sons and daughters, each need good modeling and influences from their parents. If you have children in your home, do all you can to continually stay involved in their life. If your children are separated from your home, due to a divorce or other removal, still use every chance you can to be involved in their life. If you are in the latter category, it will be more challenging, but stay involved! If you are in the first category, don't take it for granted that your children will always be in your home, take every night as a special night to be a family.

Making the most of every moment...
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To read the short e-mail that I received, you can view it online at http://www.allprodad.com/pod/podlist.php?y=2008&m=4 .Then click on April 29.

E-mail Encouragement: Leaving a Mark

Kids are very impressionable. The closer and more trustworthy a person is to a child, the more they are able to make an impression on them. Typically this is the parents and/or grandparents. However, to an extent, we all have the potential to make an impression on a child. Each time you are around them, there is a certain amount of impression you leave behind. That brings us to this week's quote...

A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark. ~ Chinese Proverb

Oliver is definitely impressionable. He has begun reacting to us, as parents, and it is such a fun time to see him go through his different stages of development. These stages are not just physical (holding head up, scooting, talk-screaming, etc.), but they also involve trust and recognition. Oliver smiles, what seems like forever, when Aubrey and I are talking to him. I love any chance I get to be around him, hold him, and help to mold him into a little boy. I have high hopes as to what he will be like in his character when he matures. One of the ways to get him to where I would like him to be is to consistently model and teach him the character I want him to develop.

Two applications...One, how about your "Jesus-impression" on every person you come in contact with? How are you modeling your Christianity? Are you making a positive impression or a negative one. Negative would be saying you're a Christian, but then acting nothing like that outside of the assembly. Two, what types of marks has God had on your life? Something similar between us and a child is that we both learn who to trust by being around them. Your lack of trust in God may be as a result of not letting Him make an impression on you. Not only do you make impressions on others, at the same time, be impressionable!

The next time you see a child, or even someone else, think about what impression you are giving them.

Enjoying Fatherhood ~