Be Honest...With Your Friend

One of the things I remember quite clearly when we did our marriage counseling was to be honest when a person asked a question. If you don't expect an honest answer you should ask the question was the message given to the "question asker."

Too often when we are in a situation of advice, we often tend to sugar coat the answer. I see this frequently when a person confides in a cohort about personal problems that involve another party. For example, when someone is the victim of a relationship issue (be it friends, occupational, or marriage/dating, the person who is hearing the information generally takes the side of their friend. In return, they are not only hearing the negative of the other person/party, but they will likely defend their friend.

Keeping these concepts in mind, here is this week's quote...

In giving advice, seek to help, not to please, your friend. ~ Solon

Keep in mind that not every situation is the same. Sometimes a person needs the shoulder to cry on, but there are still other times when the person needs to hear the truth. They need to know that though they were wronged, the other party may have been wronged as well. Whether it was today, yesterday, or sometime in the recent past.

When we are trying to listen to a friend, make sure you are able to see both sides of a situation. Telling your friend they were completely right is not going to help them out in the end. They are going to feel more "right" and fight for that right to be right.

This may also span into communicating to your children. They are not likely the best singers, dancers, artists, or athletes. There are ways to communicate and applaud their efforts without going overboard and making them feel like they should be the next "star" in the field they are aspiring to be involved in. I have found ways to practice this with my kids. This way they do not have a false hope when it comes to their aspirations.

Now it's your turn...how have you handled the idea of honesty when it came to giving advice to a friend/spouse/child, etc.?

How Can I Help You?

This blog is not just a way for me to write, but a way for me to help others. How can I help you? Answer questions you have? Encourage you? Motivate you to accomplish what you want in life? ANYTHING! Let me know your thoughts...

Being a Family, “Man” Style

Sunday, I had the chance to hear instead of speak.  It doesn’t happen very often due to my profession being a minister.  

The guest speaker spoke on “family”.  This is a subject that I really think is an incentive for people who are looking for Jesus.  However, relationships are what women tend to be wanting to be involved in.  Think about it, relationships involve closeness, talking, sharing of feelings, and that is pretty much the opposite of what men are attracted to, especially those who are not WANTING church.

Are you one of those guys or is your significant other one of those guys?  A church offers “small groups” and that is, again, the opposite of what you are looking for in church.  That is about “talking” or “getting close”.  The males reading this, specifically those from 14-50 (give or take) may not care about those issues that involve “being a family”.  These types of guys are generally looking to be “islands”.  They are willing to help out on projects, but do not want to be involved in ongoing “getting to know each other” activities. Men tend to want to act like ostriches by burying our head in the sand and not talking about issues.

The problem is, we all have issues.  The other problem is that we are not cut out to handle all the issues that life hands us.  Whether we like it or not, as men, we want help, but are too prideful to ask for it.

We may not need “friends” but we men want other men to grunt with, share beverages with, high-five, exchange “did you see that [dunk…catch…flip…crash…etc.]”, or complain to.
Sometime, somewhere, life is going to hand us, men, a blow that is too big to handle.  Death, disease, bankruptcy, infidelity, addiction, etc. What do you do?  That is where you need someone to turn to.  Have trust issues?  The “family” may be the only people you can trust…family are those that do not turn their backs on you.

Family isn’t about talking, but about having those who you can be masculine around and still know that they have your back.

“Family” may not be the best “manly” word.  Brotherhood, team, fraternity, or lodge may seem more “manly”.  However, it is all the same, in essence.

What the church offers has all the components of those other “manly” words, but they do not offer the opportunity for heaven.

Sometime, somewhere you, as a man, are going to be interested in what “family” can do for you…I will be waiting for that time to show you how “manly” Christianity can be!

Wherever Your At, That is Where God Can Use You

Whether it is Moses living amidst the Israelites or you living in a world full of people who have been "enslaved" to sin, selfishness, deceit, etc., God will use you where you're at.

Moses was surprised by a burning bush that wouldn't burn up, and then to hear a voice come from the fire. I am surprised when I am going about my day and someone asks me a question that I didn't think I would hear from their mouth. Sometimes I have the time to go on and other times I wish I would have more time. However, part of the greatness in being a Teammate of God's is that the surprises always come.

Recently, I was surprised by having someone open up about a current difficulty they are experiencing. Not only was I surprised by this open door, but the openness of the individual. Additionally, I was surprised that hardly anyone in this community had even asked him about his problem (not even from his own church!!!). Where are the people giving the "water to the thirsty"? Where are those who are supposed to be followers of Jesus (they aren't acting like Jesus, just following!).

My heart goes out to this man. Guys can be tough, but there are certain things that break men down, and life can sometimes deliver the biggest blow! I am thankful that I was led down this path to be here for him at this time. Whether it is a "rest stop" friendship, where he can get a bit of relief, but always know that I am there when he passes by and needs a break in life, or it becomes something long term, it doesn't matter. I am just glad that God opened the door for me to be there for him at this time in his life.

Remember, God will use you where you're at!

God is good.... ~ JS

E-mail Encouragement: Don't Give Up

Teamwork can happen whenever two or more people work on accomplishing a known task. I was more than pleased tonight when people worked together to accomplish more than one task. Some gathered things together for the Thursday School tent (and then went to set it up), while others folded a total of 300 flyers. I applaud all these efforts which caused both tasks to be completed in a reasonably short amount of time! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

The thought of teamwork brings me to this weeks quote of encouragement...

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it
together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true
strength.” ~ Unknown

It is easy to give up. I cannot say that I've never given up. With that said, I can easily relate to this quote. However, there is a lot of strength that is gained through working through self, adversity, compromise, doubt, and a host of other "things" you could name. I have been on that side of the coin, too. It allows you to see that it was worth persevering!

May we be a people of perseverance who show others that the "joy of the Lord is your strength" and not be ones who "give up" on God, Jesus, our church, ourselves, etc., no matter what life hands us!

Pressing on ~