Be Honest...With Your Friend

One of the things I remember quite clearly when we did our marriage counseling was to be honest when a person asked a question. If you don't expect an honest answer you should ask the question was the message given to the "question asker."

Too often when we are in a situation of advice, we often tend to sugar coat the answer. I see this frequently when a person confides in a cohort about personal problems that involve another party. For example, when someone is the victim of a relationship issue (be it friends, occupational, or marriage/dating, the person who is hearing the information generally takes the side of their friend. In return, they are not only hearing the negative of the other person/party, but they will likely defend their friend.

Keeping these concepts in mind, here is this week's quote...

In giving advice, seek to help, not to please, your friend. ~ Solon

Keep in mind that not every situation is the same. Sometimes a person needs the shoulder to cry on, but there are still other times when the person needs to hear the truth. They need to know that though they were wronged, the other party may have been wronged as well. Whether it was today, yesterday, or sometime in the recent past.

When we are trying to listen to a friend, make sure you are able to see both sides of a situation. Telling your friend they were completely right is not going to help them out in the end. They are going to feel more "right" and fight for that right to be right.

This may also span into communicating to your children. They are not likely the best singers, dancers, artists, or athletes. There are ways to communicate and applaud their efforts without going overboard and making them feel like they should be the next "star" in the field they are aspiring to be involved in. I have found ways to practice this with my kids. This way they do not have a false hope when it comes to their aspirations.

Now it's your turn...how have you handled the idea of honesty when it came to giving advice to a friend/spouse/child, etc.?

A Great Time of Year to Be a Friend

Friends are truly priceless. To gain a friend takes some time. Those we may think are "friends" may not turn out to be the ones we can really trust and confide in as time continues. Acquaintances are not always friends. People we spend time around most are not always friends. Sometimes it seems as if I can count on two hands those who I would consider in this category. Those who would not be judgmental by an action I performed or offended by something I said. They would know me well enough to understand why I did or said the things I did.

One cliche my parents (probably my mom) always said was something like "You have to be a friend to have a friend." This time of year is a great time to experience that, whether it is to people you know or those you don't. That brings us to this week's quote...

Your friendship is a glowing ember
Through the year; and each December
From its warm and living spark
We kindle flame against the dark
And with its shining radiance light
Our tree of faith on Christmas night. ~ Thelma J. Lund

This time of year has a lot of opportunities to be a friend (or even a nice person) to people you are around. With all the shopping that is happening the "hustle and bustle" that takes place, why be the calm one? Why not wish others a "Merry Christmas" when they say "Have a good day" or "Thank you for shopping at ___."

Now it's your turn...how will you be a friend to someone this holiday season?

Gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving!

A day to be full of gratitude; appreciating all that one has in their life. Appreciating everything from health to family, house to job, and there will likely be "things" involved in that list somewhere.

Most will be enjoying a meal that is bigger than can be consumed in one setting. Others will be eating a meal with several people that are not their family but they enjoy their company. However, there are those people who will be sitting down to the meal this year who will be saddened because they have lost a loved one whom they miss celebrating this holiday with - maybe a first, but not limited to a first.

Whoever you are eating your meal with, this is a holiday about gratitude, which brings us to this week's quote...

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~ Melody Beattie

The other day at my Bible Class at a local nursing home, we all shared some various memories we have had around Thanksgiving. Along with that, we shared things we are thankful for in our life. Then we discussed how saying and hearing things we are thankful for kind of lifts our mood. Even when we are listening to others share their expressions of gratitude, we are still lifted.

Now it's your turn...How has the quote been applicable to you?

Friends Call For Your Best

How many friends do you have? That may be hard to count or determine. However, if you are on Facebook, you can look at the number of friends that you have. If you look at mine, I am at 284, but even with that number, I don't know how deep the majority of our friendships go. There are also a number of other friends that I have which are not on Facebook, some of which do not even own a computer.

Have I ever had to "unfriend" someone on Facebook? Yes. Sometimes I wish it was that easy in real life but it's not. There are some people who come into your life you just wish you could take out of your life.

We usually think of a friend as someone who knows you a bit deeper than someone else. Someone who would defend you, support you, wouldn't judge you, would talk before tearing you down, etc. As we focus on the idea of our friends, take a look at this week's quote...

The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best. ~ Epictetus


One of the "tests" of friendship comes about when the "chips are down." I have had some people in my life in which I thought they were "friends" but it turned out they were "fair weather" and when things weren't going as smooth between us, our friendship dissolved into an "un-friendship."

Friends are people who will bring about your best. So, who is your friend? Choose wisely!

Now its your turn...have you ever wanted to "unfriend" someone? Why?

Suggested Resolve for the Year

2012 is upon us. Did you resolve to do anything this year? How is that going? Of course, we're only five days into the year, so hopefully you haven't lost any "battles" with your resolve thus far. I didn't make a resolution, just a goal to read through the Bible with a "One Year Bible." It has been going well.

I came across this quote at the end of last year and thought it may be a good "resolve" for some to think about in 2012. It focuses on how to have a happy year and also how to have one for others. With that said, let's look at this week's quote...

A happy New Year! Grant that I
May bring no tear to any eye
When this New Year in time shall end
Let it be said I've played the friend,
Have lived and loved and labored here,
And made of it a happy year.
- Edgar Guest

So often we think about how we can create a New Year's resolution that will benefit ourselves. This poem suggests that when we go about the year let's not just think of ourselves, but think of others.

My "theme" for the year is 212-degrees, which means to go the extra degree to make significant impact on people. What will you do to go to the extra degree?

Now it's your turn...What is difficult about fulfilling this poem?

Building Life

Ever since I was forced, I mean, required to read “Great Expectations” as a freshman in high school, there was something about it that I related myself to the main character. As I grew up, it seemed that my relation to the story didn’t cease. Part of what I relate to is that the boy, Pip, meets people as he is growing up that influences his life, but then he seems to meet up with them throughout adulthood.

The other day I was talking to my niece, who is in college. I was inquiring where she was playing her college basketball game at. After she told me, I knew a couple of people in that town. As we were visiting, she made the remark “You have all the connections”. Because of my life experiences, it does seem that there are a lot of places in which I know people. Most of which is not my doing, but the “deck” that life handed me.

As you go through life, think about how this quote does apply or has applied to you…

You just don't luck into things as much as you'd like to think you do. You build step by step, whether it's friendships or opportunities.  ~ Barbara Bush

There will be some situations will come about by happenstance. However, most situations will come about because of something you’ve done in the past to help pave the way or build your path to that stop-off.

As you go through life, think about how you are “building life” and help make it a great one!

For my faith-oriented friends…also think about how you can help “build life” for others by laying the path to get them closer to Jesus!

Ideas for Christmas Gifts

There are less than 25 days till Christmas, maybe you’ve purchased a gift or two…maybe you’re one of the few that is done with purchasing your gifts. If you are still searching for gifts to give here are a few ideas:

Christmas gift suggestions:
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.
~Oren Arnold

Whether you are looking for a gift or not, these are good ideas to give people throughout the season. Give them freely. Give them often. Give them over and over. Give them to strangers. Give them to enemies. Give them to friends. Give them to family. Give them to bosses. Give them to co-workers. Give them to your employees. Give them, give them, give them!  No matter what you do, just give them!
Enjoy the season of gift giving!

Do You Have Such a Friend?

"Aubrey and Amy"..."Amy and Aubrey" That is what they were referred to in college. They go together like any good combination you can think of. This is my wife and her best friend. They didn't grow up together, or even, near each other. However, once they found each other, they were inseparable! They know how each other thinks. They finish each others sentences. It is sometimes scary to have them both in the same room together!

They know each other so well that they are totally comfortable around each other. They balance each other out, they strengthen each other, they are just great friends! Miles and time do not hinder the closeness of their relationship. Whenever they are together, it is like they just saw each other yesterday. Their friendship came to mind when I saw this week's quote...

A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows your your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities. ~ William Arthur Ward

This friendship came to my wife when she was developing her own faith. That is what helped solidify their relationship. I hope you all have a same gender friend that you are very close to. One, that it doesn't matter how long you've seen each other, the conversation picks up where it left off. One, who is there for you no matter what you do.

We were not made to live solitary lives! We were made to have relationships with others. Do you have such a friend as does my wife? I hope so! If you don't, may you be blessed to find one!

Enjoying friendships...

A New Found...House - Acts 2:46

Have I been to your house? If I had I would have seen belongings of yours that were close to you, that describe you, that show what type of person you are. If I haven't and we have met, then I have only seen a very small portion of what reflects who you are.

If you have been to my house you would see things that reflect who I am. You would know what teams I root for and what memorabilia I have that show I like those teams. You may also find out what types of food I prefer. These, among other things, can only be known when you come into my home.

The early church met together in homes. There are a variety of possibilities as to why they did, regardless, we know they did. I think that they grew stronger as a group because they did meet in homes. This is what we looked at yesterday as we looked at Acts 2:46. Here are some applications to choose from to use this week...

1. When was the last time you had someone over to your house for a social reason? What about a group of people? Whether you have a hobby, like to watch sports, play games, enjoy good food, etc., make it a point to get together with someone, in your home, once a month.
2. Bonds strengthen. Visiting with people in a home environment produces a feeling of comfort and you become closer to that person or group of people. When you visit ask about a person's interest, family, or their past. Trust is greater in a home.
3. Practice Impromptu Invites. Occasionally, invite someone over to your house after an event or on a spur of the moment. It may create a very meaningful memory!
4. Bring in Outsiders. How will your friends/family/neighbors ever get to know your church family if they never go to assembly with you? When you have a gathering made up of church people, invite a few others from outside your church. It may surprise you what friendships evolve through these events.

The early church gained so much from meeting like this . May God give you opportunities to have people into your home as so you can strengthen your friendships!

Welcoming Into My House...

E-mail Encouragement: Rekindling Others

Just the other day, I was going through the line at our local grocery store. I have gone through her line many times. Each time I approach to be waited on, I ask something of her day, ending with her name (“How are you, [name]?). After all this time, she asks me, “How do you know my name?” I say, “It’s on the receipt.” She replied, “Oh.” Then, I was off to get ice (because I don’t like to grab it and stand in line for it to possibly melt), I responded, “I like to call people by name if I know it because it is better to say a name than not.” I could tell that it kind of opened her eyes and brightened her day, to an extent. Something as simple as calling someone by name can make someone feel good. That brings us to today’s quote…

• In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. - Albert Schweitzer

Whether it is calling someone by their name, remembering a birthday, a random act of kindness, a card/e-mail/text of encouragement, sharing Jesus with a lost soul, or something else, you can make a world of difference in their life and in the Kingdom by a simple encounter. What happens in that encounter is totally up to you.

How will you rekindle someone’s spirit today? Giving a compliment, calling them by name, listening to their struggles, being patient,…how?

Let me know any situations you were the flame burst-er or had your flame bursted – what happened?

I hope you have a great end of your week!

Anticipating the encounters ~