Be Honest...With Your Friend

One of the things I remember quite clearly when we did our marriage counseling was to be honest when a person asked a question. If you don't expect an honest answer you should ask the question was the message given to the "question asker."

Too often when we are in a situation of advice, we often tend to sugar coat the answer. I see this frequently when a person confides in a cohort about personal problems that involve another party. For example, when someone is the victim of a relationship issue (be it friends, occupational, or marriage/dating, the person who is hearing the information generally takes the side of their friend. In return, they are not only hearing the negative of the other person/party, but they will likely defend their friend.

Keeping these concepts in mind, here is this week's quote...

In giving advice, seek to help, not to please, your friend. ~ Solon

Keep in mind that not every situation is the same. Sometimes a person needs the shoulder to cry on, but there are still other times when the person needs to hear the truth. They need to know that though they were wronged, the other party may have been wronged as well. Whether it was today, yesterday, or sometime in the recent past.

When we are trying to listen to a friend, make sure you are able to see both sides of a situation. Telling your friend they were completely right is not going to help them out in the end. They are going to feel more "right" and fight for that right to be right.

This may also span into communicating to your children. They are not likely the best singers, dancers, artists, or athletes. There are ways to communicate and applaud their efforts without going overboard and making them feel like they should be the next "star" in the field they are aspiring to be involved in. I have found ways to practice this with my kids. This way they do not have a false hope when it comes to their aspirations.

Now it's your turn...how have you handled the idea of honesty when it came to giving advice to a friend/spouse/child, etc.?

A Reason I Love Coming Home

"Daddy!" exclaimed by my 3-year old son as I drive up in the driveway or after walking in the door. It has been a short time since I started hearing that when I arrive, but it never, and I mean never, gets old. Just the other day my one-year old daughter showed her excitement when I came in the door and it was awesome! She cannot talk yet, but I look forward to the time when she can make that exclamation as I arrive.

Whether it is the exclamation of "Daddy" or an ear-to-ear smile when I come into view, there is just something special that every parent feels when their child shows excitement to see them.

We thought we were not going to be able to have children at one point in our life, so when my wife became pregnant the joy was overflowing. I couldn't wait to be a daddy. I couldn't wait to hold my expectant son in my arms and dream of what we'd do as father and son as he grew up.

I cannot say it enough how much I love being a father...this brings us to this week's quote...

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty. ~ Unknown

I may not ever have a lot of money, but I will have two kids for the rest of my life. Even if something drastic happens to them before I pass on, I will always have the memories that each day provides.

My kids are one (make that two) of the reasons I love coming home! I look forward to the next time I hear "DADDY!"

Are You Rusty?

Kids tend to like to play with dad's tools or older siblings toys, but they have a tendency to forget to put them up. I can remember getting into trouble by leaving either my father's or my brother's things outside. If a metal item, like a tool or BB gun, is left long enough, it can start to rust. Rusting is an oxidation of the metal, but it also gives a bad appearance to the item.

My son, a three-year old, is no exception. He also likes to play with my tools, but has a tendency to play with them a short time, put them down to go get something else or go to a neighbor's house. This causes him to forget about the item he was playing with and sometimes it is a "rustable" item. I have found screwdrivers and pliers outside my toolbox getting rusty. This summer he decided to put some toys and my tools in our "kiddie pool." I found a pair of pliers left in there after he had cleaned it all out.

Unprotected metal mixed with moisture creates rust. The longer the moisture stays "on" the metal, the more it will continue to rust. Rust will sit there and continue to oxidize, weakening the metal. This thought brings us to this week's quote...

It is not work that kills men, it is worry. Work is healthy; you can hardly put more on a man than he can bear. But worry is rust upon the blade. ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Are you worried about something? I know I am. There are all kinds of things to be concerned about. Our car recently had some issues - so each time I drive it, especially if long distance, I am concerned. There is not a local dealer for my make of car, so I don't know if someone really can look at it effectively. That is just one of the many things that concern me. And the thing is, it sits. I may get side tracked with daily tasks, but the concerns are essentially still there.

This weakens my potential. I know that if I could just have some concerns off my plate, I would be more free to be more effective - as a person, a husband, a father, a breadwinner, and as a minister. The good news is, there are times when things are taken off your list of concerns, it is like a grinder taking off some rust off the blade. That is always a good feeling.

There are times when I give it to God and feel a lot of relief. That is the real "rust remover." Philippians 4:6-7 keeps me on check to give things to God, and peace will come as a result.

I enjoy being able to have the rust removed! I would guess you do too. Maybe one of the answers would not be to leave our tasks of life outside of God. Keep putting them back where they belong - close to God, and they will stay rust free. Just a thought...

The Other Prodigal Son

There are times which a story has a “main character” and any “supporting characters” are not given as much attention in lessons. To notice the supporting character in a frequently overlooked Bible text is one of the most thrilling parts of being a student of the Bible.

In the story of the Lost Son (aka Prodigal Son), the younger son, who squanders his property is often the one who is looked at as the “main character” and the lessons hinge on his part of the story. The older son, also has traits of being a prodigal, so referring to him as “the other prodigal” is not out of line. There are some valuable lessons found in the “older son” and today, here are some applications to choose from to use this week…

• Enjoy Your Reward, as Well as Theirs ~ It can be easy to think we should be the ones that are rewarded. Recently, we went to a public gathering in which prizes were drawn. For the second year in a row, our children didn’t win anything. Because the “luck of the draw” was not on our side, it could be easy to be bitter at the others who won. However, even if we did not “win” we can enjoy the victory that was experienced by others.
• Look in the Mirror ~ It is easy to look at someone who you label with a judgment. There are many labels that someone could be given. Basically the label is meant to demean the person, no matter the label. May we look in the mirror to see ourselves as a faulty mortal, just as the one who we are forming the opinion about (aka judging).
• Wrong View of the Father ~ To fully understand God (aka Father, Heavenly Father) is an undiscoverable mystery. Because He is totally undiscoverable, we often put our suppositions in for what God must be doing in a situation. This supposition is usually based on how we’d operate in a given situation. To skim the surface on understanding how God is dealing with any given catastrophe is still beyond our capability. Most of which is because we are not Him, some is because we are not in that situation. To form a judgment on how God deals with a situation would be taking a wrong view of God. May we try to “mind our own business” when we see how God deals with peoples’ situations.

We are all prodigals, no matter which side of the line we stand. May we not overlook the last son because of the shadow created by the first son.

Looking Through the Lens of a Father

My parents would probably tell you that I was a handful to raise. I did not do things that would have landed me in handcuffs or sent to the principal’s office. No, I was a smart aleck. My mouth caused me to be a “handful.” I remember being upset with my father and hollering down the hall “You’re the worst father in the world!” Needless to say, my father came back and let me know he didn’t approve. My parents were smokers and we didn’t go on a vacation one summer, I told them, “If you guys wouldn’t smoke, we’d have at least $520 extra dollars a year to go on a vacation.” That didn’t go over too well, either. Still another time, when I was twenty-two years old and was traveling to see my fiancé, I stayed at friends of the family overnight. When I talked to my mom after she had called to see if I had arrived safely, I communicated to her that I didn’t need to check in with her, as I was older now. This caused her to be very upset with me.

Can you see how I was a handful?

God must have been laughing at me as He knew that when I became a father I would be dealt some humbling blows. I have only been a father for three years, but I have already had my fair share of humble pie pieces to eat.

The first piece was just seeing my firstborn in the flesh and thinking “He’s mine and I’m responsible for him.” I started to feel a love that was unlike anything else I had ever felt. A love that feels pain and “hurts me more than it hurts him.” A love that loves always even when I do not like all the things he does. A love that is proud when I see him do something that his mother or I have instructed him to do – not go beyond limits or use his manners.

The other pieces came in times where he showed signs of stubbornness – unfortunately comes from both parents. He also has an unfortunate trait that I remember possessing, which is his keen ability to ask for something to drink or a snack as bedtime approaches to be able to stay up a few minutes more. Also, once he is in bed to need to go to the bathroom one more time.

Now that I have a daughter, she is bringing even more fun to my life. I love seeing her personality coming through as she is developing into a toddler. It will be interesting to see what type of “parent curse” she brings to my life. What will her personality bring about that reflects me when I grew up, that my son’s didn’t? I look forward to the “emotional moments” of seeing her excel in areas of learning that my son is experiencing.

I never would have thought that I would have had children that reminded me so much of myself and the stories I heard about me from my parents. It is unfortunate, the mannerisms that come about that remind me of one of my parents when it comes to dealing with my children. I say this “tongue-in-cheek,” that it is all just a “curse.”

Looking at my children through a father’s lens has caused me to be more appreciative of my parents and what I made them endure (don’t tell them that). It has also caused me to look at myself differently by viewing what I do through God’s perspective.

He must be proud when we make choices that are beneficial or when we use our manners. Maybe it is other times when we use the talents that He gave us to do good things or share our faith with others. Then, there’s the other side, when we make poor choices and it probably frustrates Him, possibly because we didn’t learn the lesson in the first place.

Seeing a situation through a different perspective can cause us to be humbled and appreciative. Think about how the “parent curse” has impacted you. After that, may we appreciate the children in our life a bit more, but most importantly, appreciate the Father in heaven more for what He deals with in us.

Love is a multifaceted component. One of those facets is the love for a child. This facet will most likely cause you to have many feelings you couldn’t imagine having until your child was born. Whether you’re a mother or a father, enjoy seeing your children through your lens and then correlating it to how God, the Father, sees and loves you.

The Father’s Grace

Parenthood, it can start at about any age from the teenage years and beyond. I had the unexpected surprise to be connected with a dad that came into that position at fifteen. This was way beyond when I was blessed to become a father. For me I was thirty-three before parenthood began.

The unique thing about each of us is that we had our own “turning point” of what I call the “curse of parenthood.” That “curse” is, in part, realizing how much a parent loves a child, in which, you didn’t realize how much my parents loved me because I didn’t appreciate it like I do now that I have a child.

Sunday, we looked at Luke 15:20b-24 as the first son comes home to be met and embraced by the father. This text displays the father showing grace to the first son. Similarly, this is a small parallel to God’s grace displayed to us. Here are some applications to choose from to use this week…

• Go to the Father ~ The son had greatly messed up. He took the blessings that the father had given him (inheritance) and blown it. I know that I am not pleased with our three-year old when he takes a new toy and seemingly ruins it. “Don’t you understand the value of taking care of it” I think. Of course he doesn’t, he’s only three. We are “three” at times and we all blow what is given to us. With our three-year old, I don’t love him any less in those times. When we do that with what God gives us, He’s still loves us and wants us to come to Him…let’s do that!
• Always in the View of the Father ~ The father in the parable saw the son a long way off. We are never out of view of the father. This is a humbling thought. However, it seems each of the times that God is referred to as a father it describes him as going over and beyond what we would expect. God is always looking for us to come to Him – whether we are in a state of “messing up” or just our daily fellowship with Him. He longs for our relationship to deepen. It is neat to think He’s always looking for us to “come home.”
• Dressed for Success ~ The first son came home with little hope. The father dispenses so much hope that he “dresses” the son for success. He gives him the best robe, a ring, and shoes. Receiving the robe was an honor. Why would/should a “squanderer” be honored? That was probably the question going through the first son’s mind. Regardless of the questions going through his mind, he was now given a position of success – all because of the father’s grace.

Grace is so mysterious. There are extremes of both – too conservative or liberal with its dispersion. Though I may not ever fully understand it, I can learn to fully appreciate it. May you enjoy the Father’s grace!

Don’t Pass Up Opportunities

I enjoy going to auctions. I have learned to like auctions and garage sales from my father. He enjoyed going to garage sales and looking through the miscellaneous to try to find the hidden treasure. He would go to consignment auctions when I was a teen and sit there and watch the crates of miscellaneous pass by. Bidding on some…letting others pass.

He disappointed me many times in the sense that I didn’t get what I wanted. It wasn’t something I think negatively about, but at the time I wanted things and disappointed by not getting them. However, I really enjoyed looking at the boxes and crates of stuff he would buy. I would look through them in search of a treasure.

One thing that common about an auction is if you don’t bid or bid high enough, someone will be there to take it from you.  That is the way it is with opportunities, which brings us to this week’s quote…

Opportunities are never lost, someone always takes the ones you miss.  ~ Unknown

Life is like an auction. You go through life seeing crates and boxes of opportunities pass before you. Will you bid on them? Will you keep bidding to buy them? Or will you let them slip pass you. If you let it slip past, someone will take it from you.

You didn’t lose the opportunity, based on this quote, you just let someone else take it.
Look at the opportunities as potential for someone…make sure that someone is you!

Squandered Away

“You must give 30 million dollars away in 30 days” is the big challenge in the 80s show “Brewster’s Millions”. There are stipulations as to how he can spend the money. The prize for the challenge is 300 million dollars. The other parts of the challenge is that no one can know about the prize at the end and it cannot be simply handed out to people. The movie displays the challenge of getting rid of such significant cash under the stipulations laid out.

For the young man in the parable from Luke 15, finding a way to squander all the money he was given, was no challenge. He had no stipulations. He had no sense of money management. He was in it for himself. Much like we tend to be at times – even the most selfless fall into this man’s shoes from time to time.

Sunday, we looked at a modern-day take on the Prodigal Son and how we can often squander away what has been given to us (from a spiritual sense). Here are some applications to choose from to use this week…

• Rebelled ~ Rebellion can take place in various forms. Most of us go to extremes when we think of the word. However, from the spiritual sense, the smallest of rebellion can cause us to get into trouble. Sometimes it helps us understand where other people are coming from if we can take a look at what we have done to forgive others, understand others, or empathize with others.
• Received ~ The feeling of a hug can be very comforting. Not a greeting hug, but the kind that is from someone who is close to you. Be it a spouse, a child, a parent, or a close friend or family member. These are the kind that are comforting. These are the kind that let us know they care. As we rebel and come back, we need to feel that spiritual embrace from God to let us know that He’s there and He cares. Maybe there is someone who needs a hug or embrace from you this week (possibly not even knowing it).
• Resuscitated ~ Having your heart stop kills you. Having sin in your life kills you. After rebelling, the being received, it has a way of resuscitating your life! This gives you new life which is vital to continuing on. Without life in your life there is no purpose. People all around you are spiritually dead or just seeking that life. Their life is running out of breaths to breathe. They need you to help them…don’t pass them by…resuscitate them!

Don’t squander away your spiritual inheritance on mismanaging life, nor keeping it from others.

Hunter or the Hunted

The outdoors is a great place to connect with our Creator. Those who enjoy hunting/fishing feel a sense of relaxation through being outdoors - sometimes for long periods of time. There are times when one will get up earlier than ever, sit in the cold for hours, come home with nothing, and think it was one of the greatest days they've had in a while.

The thrill in the suspense of waiting for that 10-pointer to come around keeps people going out again and again. If that "perfect one" doesn't come around after a long while, then they may settle for a smaller one. However, the fact that they killed a deer (in this case) revs them up! Shooting fowl has similar feelings. Coming home with many-a-bird lets them show off their hunt.

As we go through our life, we must be able to comprehend if we are the hunter or the hunted. Saul was a hunter of God's people, literally. He hunted them down and wanted them destroyed. However, as he was going to Damascus (with the intent to hunt more Christians down), he became the hunted, by God. This event changed him to be a hunter for God. He wanted people to be a part of what he is now a part of, which he was just persecuting people for, days earlier. Here are some applications to choose from to use this week...

1. You make the choice, with each choice, of whether you are going to be the hunter or the hunted - pursuing God vs. pursued by self/Satan/sin. Make the right choice!
2. Leaders are needed in households. Leaders represent the direction of the family. Be a leader in your family that directs the family toward hunting for God.
3. Too much is at risk to not let your family be hunted, instead of hunting. Don't let your family be at risk! Maybe even, take time to pray, read scripture, etc. of an evening, sometime before everyone goes to bed.
4. The next time you go hunting - for game, clothes, a part for machinery, etc. - notice how much effort you put into it, then take a chance to put that much effort into pursuing God.
5. Part of going hunting/fishing/camping is being prepared. Don't let yourself be caught off guard, on a daily basis, for that sudden Satan approach!

It is enjoyable to go hunting, but not enjoyable to be hunted. It raises your blood pressure as your heart beats faster. Overall, not the most healthy for you if you were going through this day after day. One of the best things we can do is to make sure that we are as prepared as possible and to take the offensive side, to hunt for God.

Again, you have to make the choice/commitment of which you are going to be - hunter or hunted. As you go through life, I hope that you will choose to be a hunter, pursuing God with everything He has given you!

Have a great week hunting for God!

Putting the camo on...

New Discoveries

One of the highlights of being a parent is watching Oliver as he learns and discovers new things. There are many areas that would fit in those two categories. He’s learned how to go up and down stairs (safely). He’s discovered that running too fast causes you to lose your balance. He’s learned how to put a tool on a bolt. He’s discovered how to put a straw in the correct place on a lid. He’s discovered that being too close to a door, after getting excited to go “bye-bye”, results in hitting his head on the door. Oh, the many things he’s learned and discovered, and I can’t describe how enjoyable it is to watch him as he goes through these phases.

Dreaming leads to discovering. What would happen if you woke up and didn’t get out of bed on any given day? Basically, it would come down to the fact that you would fail to discover what life was like that day. You would remain in bed, never to see the other side of the bedroom door. You wouldn’t know what was out there, waiting, patiently, to be discovered…by you!

Discoveries are awesome to be a part of. Whether they are self-discoveries or group discoveries. These moments are monumental in you figuring out something totally different than you’ve ever known before! Whether it is a new use for a chemical and method which a group of people can work together or somewhere in between.

Just as being a father I enjoy watching my little one make new discoveries, I can’t fathom the joy that our Father gets when He sees His children dreaming about ways they can serve Him, then watch them put it into practice!

Make discoveries!

Being a Tool - Acts 9:15

Fathers...Fatherhood is such an honor. To be given the privilege, responsibility, and challenge to raise your children, you should be thankful. Also, God chose to give you your kids because you have an ability to love and care for them that others don't. What a cool thought!

Yesterday, we looked at an instance in Saul's (of the New Testament) life where he was to go and find a man named Ananias who was going to take care of the blindness he was experiencing. Saul had been an evil man, up to this point, and Ananias was nervously scared to approach him. However, Ananias is told to "go" because Saul is a "chosen instrument", aka tool. He was selected to carry out a specific task based on the abilities that he possessed. Here are a few applications to choose from to use this week...

1. If you were a tool in a workshop, do you view yourself as "usable", or do you envision a tool that is marred and broken, not able to be used? Are you surprised you're still in the workshop? Once Saul came to his senses, after being humbled by the temporary blindness, I bet he felt ashamed and not capable of being used. However, God used him for BIG things! Part of that reason was because he continually understood who's in control, and it wasn't him, but God. Practice the Isaiah 6:8 philosophy and be used by God!
   
2. When I think of a tool, it "serves" me in a way to help achieve a goal. My favorite verse on serving is I Peter 4:10, it encourages and challenges me, at same time, to use what talents I have been given to serve others faithfully. Be the tool that God designed you to be!
3. Ananias asked God, "Do you really want me to go to Saul?" (paraphrased) God said "Go!" How many times have we had a "scary" task before us and we asked God "Do you really...?" Pray that you will be trusting of God's challenges. Pray that you will be bold enough to walk through the door of Opportunity. Pray that God will use you, today, in surprising, Kingdom-enhancing ways. Be the tool and be used the way that God designed you! You weren't chosen for the task based on popularity...but because you have talent/usefulness that is able to get that job done at that particular time. Be used!

I greatly look forward to what each and every day holds, regarding how God will use "my design" as a way to make a positive difference in someone's life. I hope you share in that, also. How has God been using you? By you sharing, it will encourage others in their faith.

Eager to be used...

Happy Father's Day!

Tomorrow is Father's Day. It is my first Father's Day. If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know that I have a son that is just a few months old. He is the best! He is a miracle, a blessing, an absolute joy to have. He's got the best and most beautiful mother in the whole world, which I am blessed to call her my wife!

This year will be special since it is my first one. What was your first one like? (leave comments below). Actually, each day seems like Father's Day. Each day I wake up and see his face he gives me BIG smiles. When I come home from work at noon or in the evening, I get the same great response...BIG smiles! Sometimes, it is combined with some rapid arm and leg movements! Oh, it's priceless!

We "waited" ten years...and it has been ever-so-much worth the wait!!!

I hope you are able to have as good of a Father's Day as I will have!!!

Not able to get enough of fatherhood...

Influencing Youth

About every 10 years it seems that the styles of dress change dramatically, to one degree or another. I just received an e-mail from "All Pro Dad" which examined how a father's influence can affect how his daughter dresses. This impacted me even if I don't have a daughter.

The other day when I was subbing a teenage girl was displaying a complacent attitude about being called an inappropriate name which depicts her morality. Within the same period she told me she was going to play football next year. She is not even close to any type of size that would be able to hold her own on the football field. She is excited, at this time, about playing. In reality, and having played a little organized football in my younger years, I doubt she will make it to the first game, but that isn't the point here.

Discussing football led to discussing what locker room she would use. She communicated a lack of care regarding dressing in front of the rest of the (male) team. I couldn't let this moment go by without suggesting that she need to "have more respect for herself" than to "not care" about where she changes. I don't know if this teenage girl has a good father-figure in her life or not. But statistics show that fathers have a very high influence on their daughters' self-esteem and other areas. I hope that teens like her will be able to develop more "care" regarding their lifestyles, whether it is through their parents' influence or others' whom they trust. May we be praying for areas like this, that God might use you to help make a difference, whether you have children or they are your children.

Boys and girls, sons and daughters, each need good modeling and influences from their parents. If you have children in your home, do all you can to continually stay involved in their life. If your children are separated from your home, due to a divorce or other removal, still use every chance you can to be involved in their life. If you are in the latter category, it will be more challenging, but stay involved! If you are in the first category, don't take it for granted that your children will always be in your home, take every night as a special night to be a family.

Making the most of every moment...
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To read the short e-mail that I received, you can view it online at http://www.allprodad.com/pod/podlist.php?y=2008&m=4 .Then click on April 29.