Have Any Advice...For Yourself?

In the recent past I have had the opportunity to be a facilitator for what is being called a “Parent Café.” The set up is parents talking about various topics in an open forum. They rotate to four tables and have four different types of questions.

I am involved as a “fatherhood facilitator.” My questions start by talking to all the fathers or male guardians. We have at least ten minutes to make it through two questions. One question is “What would you want people to know about your child(ren)?” The other question is “What advice would you give other parents?”

Both of these created quite a buzz among the people who participated. It was fun to hear all the different answers. It was also fun to hear the various people share.

As I would ask the second question, during a portion of the time we were allotted to answer the question, I would rephrase the question. I would say “What advice would you give yourself, before you had kids, of something you've learned as a parent?”

Thinking about this in a different way, what advice would you give yourself about your Christian walk at this stage in your life? How many come to your mind as you continue to read this article?

Would it any of these? 1. Be Patient 2. Pick Your Battles 3. Encourage more 4. Spend more time with ____

It could be one of many answers, but what advice would you give yourself?

"Me 'Firt'!" - aka "Me First!"

I would like to go so far as to say “everyone does it” but there are probably some exceptions to the rule. What everyone likely does at sometime in their young life is to strive for independence and meaning. Ava, our two-year old is well into that stage of life. Whenever I am wanting her and Oliver to do something, she will often say “Me firt!” She wants to do the task that I am allowing or assigning them to do first. Even when there are times which Oliver may want to look at something, for example, she pipes in with “Me firt, Oliver!” She wants meaning in her life and would like to have independence. She also exercises that desire by not wanting to have her hand held when we are in parking lots.

Why is it that she wants to be first? What is it that she does not want to be after Oliver? I am not talking about a scientific or clinical reason, but more of an intellectual reason. She has a great desire to let her abilities be known and already learning that first is “good.” We may race up the stairs and see who “wins.” They may be in a “race” to be buckled first to get the “buckle badge” (something invisible that simply affirms I’m proud of their obedience). They want to out do one another and are driven to do that at this stage in their life.

As we go about life as a Christian, what is our drive? Are we driven to try to be “first?” When we are challenged by a thought or song, do we seek to be the first to go out and do something? Are we driven to be “firt?” Or are we simply letting it go in one ear and out the other? Are we not caring if we’re first or last in the challenge?

As you read this, may you be inspired to go out and see what you can do for Him. We are not in a competition with one another, but sometimes if we felt like “I’m going to get to someone you know first” then you may be inspired and motivated rather than just letting it pass. So, who will it be this week? When hearing a challenge, who will be the one to say, “Me firt!”?

Looking Through the Lens of a Father

My parents would probably tell you that I was a handful to raise. I did not do things that would have landed me in handcuffs or sent to the principal’s office. No, I was a smart aleck. My mouth caused me to be a “handful.” I remember being upset with my father and hollering down the hall “You’re the worst father in the world!” Needless to say, my father came back and let me know he didn’t approve. My parents were smokers and we didn’t go on a vacation one summer, I told them, “If you guys wouldn’t smoke, we’d have at least $520 extra dollars a year to go on a vacation.” That didn’t go over too well, either. Still another time, when I was twenty-two years old and was traveling to see my fiancé, I stayed at friends of the family overnight. When I talked to my mom after she had called to see if I had arrived safely, I communicated to her that I didn’t need to check in with her, as I was older now. This caused her to be very upset with me.

Can you see how I was a handful?

God must have been laughing at me as He knew that when I became a father I would be dealt some humbling blows. I have only been a father for three years, but I have already had my fair share of humble pie pieces to eat.

The first piece was just seeing my firstborn in the flesh and thinking “He’s mine and I’m responsible for him.” I started to feel a love that was unlike anything else I had ever felt. A love that feels pain and “hurts me more than it hurts him.” A love that loves always even when I do not like all the things he does. A love that is proud when I see him do something that his mother or I have instructed him to do – not go beyond limits or use his manners.

The other pieces came in times where he showed signs of stubbornness – unfortunately comes from both parents. He also has an unfortunate trait that I remember possessing, which is his keen ability to ask for something to drink or a snack as bedtime approaches to be able to stay up a few minutes more. Also, once he is in bed to need to go to the bathroom one more time.

Now that I have a daughter, she is bringing even more fun to my life. I love seeing her personality coming through as she is developing into a toddler. It will be interesting to see what type of “parent curse” she brings to my life. What will her personality bring about that reflects me when I grew up, that my son’s didn’t? I look forward to the “emotional moments” of seeing her excel in areas of learning that my son is experiencing.

I never would have thought that I would have had children that reminded me so much of myself and the stories I heard about me from my parents. It is unfortunate, the mannerisms that come about that remind me of one of my parents when it comes to dealing with my children. I say this “tongue-in-cheek,” that it is all just a “curse.”

Looking at my children through a father’s lens has caused me to be more appreciative of my parents and what I made them endure (don’t tell them that). It has also caused me to look at myself differently by viewing what I do through God’s perspective.

He must be proud when we make choices that are beneficial or when we use our manners. Maybe it is other times when we use the talents that He gave us to do good things or share our faith with others. Then, there’s the other side, when we make poor choices and it probably frustrates Him, possibly because we didn’t learn the lesson in the first place.

Seeing a situation through a different perspective can cause us to be humbled and appreciative. Think about how the “parent curse” has impacted you. After that, may we appreciate the children in our life a bit more, but most importantly, appreciate the Father in heaven more for what He deals with in us.

Love is a multifaceted component. One of those facets is the love for a child. This facet will most likely cause you to have many feelings you couldn’t imagine having until your child was born. Whether you’re a mother or a father, enjoy seeing your children through your lens and then correlating it to how God, the Father, sees and loves you.

The Father’s Grace

Parenthood, it can start at about any age from the teenage years and beyond. I had the unexpected surprise to be connected with a dad that came into that position at fifteen. This was way beyond when I was blessed to become a father. For me I was thirty-three before parenthood began.

The unique thing about each of us is that we had our own “turning point” of what I call the “curse of parenthood.” That “curse” is, in part, realizing how much a parent loves a child, in which, you didn’t realize how much my parents loved me because I didn’t appreciate it like I do now that I have a child.

Sunday, we looked at Luke 15:20b-24 as the first son comes home to be met and embraced by the father. This text displays the father showing grace to the first son. Similarly, this is a small parallel to God’s grace displayed to us. Here are some applications to choose from to use this week…

• Go to the Father ~ The son had greatly messed up. He took the blessings that the father had given him (inheritance) and blown it. I know that I am not pleased with our three-year old when he takes a new toy and seemingly ruins it. “Don’t you understand the value of taking care of it” I think. Of course he doesn’t, he’s only three. We are “three” at times and we all blow what is given to us. With our three-year old, I don’t love him any less in those times. When we do that with what God gives us, He’s still loves us and wants us to come to Him…let’s do that!
• Always in the View of the Father ~ The father in the parable saw the son a long way off. We are never out of view of the father. This is a humbling thought. However, it seems each of the times that God is referred to as a father it describes him as going over and beyond what we would expect. God is always looking for us to come to Him – whether we are in a state of “messing up” or just our daily fellowship with Him. He longs for our relationship to deepen. It is neat to think He’s always looking for us to “come home.”
• Dressed for Success ~ The first son came home with little hope. The father dispenses so much hope that he “dresses” the son for success. He gives him the best robe, a ring, and shoes. Receiving the robe was an honor. Why would/should a “squanderer” be honored? That was probably the question going through the first son’s mind. Regardless of the questions going through his mind, he was now given a position of success – all because of the father’s grace.

Grace is so mysterious. There are extremes of both – too conservative or liberal with its dispersion. Though I may not ever fully understand it, I can learn to fully appreciate it. May you enjoy the Father’s grace!

Squandered Away

“You must give 30 million dollars away in 30 days” is the big challenge in the 80s show “Brewster’s Millions”. There are stipulations as to how he can spend the money. The prize for the challenge is 300 million dollars. The other parts of the challenge is that no one can know about the prize at the end and it cannot be simply handed out to people. The movie displays the challenge of getting rid of such significant cash under the stipulations laid out.

For the young man in the parable from Luke 15, finding a way to squander all the money he was given, was no challenge. He had no stipulations. He had no sense of money management. He was in it for himself. Much like we tend to be at times – even the most selfless fall into this man’s shoes from time to time.

Sunday, we looked at a modern-day take on the Prodigal Son and how we can often squander away what has been given to us (from a spiritual sense). Here are some applications to choose from to use this week…

• Rebelled ~ Rebellion can take place in various forms. Most of us go to extremes when we think of the word. However, from the spiritual sense, the smallest of rebellion can cause us to get into trouble. Sometimes it helps us understand where other people are coming from if we can take a look at what we have done to forgive others, understand others, or empathize with others.
• Received ~ The feeling of a hug can be very comforting. Not a greeting hug, but the kind that is from someone who is close to you. Be it a spouse, a child, a parent, or a close friend or family member. These are the kind that are comforting. These are the kind that let us know they care. As we rebel and come back, we need to feel that spiritual embrace from God to let us know that He’s there and He cares. Maybe there is someone who needs a hug or embrace from you this week (possibly not even knowing it).
• Resuscitated ~ Having your heart stop kills you. Having sin in your life kills you. After rebelling, the being received, it has a way of resuscitating your life! This gives you new life which is vital to continuing on. Without life in your life there is no purpose. People all around you are spiritually dead or just seeking that life. Their life is running out of breaths to breathe. They need you to help them…don’t pass them by…resuscitate them!

Don’t squander away your spiritual inheritance on mismanaging life, nor keeping it from others.