Be Honest...With Your Friend

One of the things I remember quite clearly when we did our marriage counseling was to be honest when a person asked a question. If you don't expect an honest answer you should ask the question was the message given to the "question asker."

Too often when we are in a situation of advice, we often tend to sugar coat the answer. I see this frequently when a person confides in a cohort about personal problems that involve another party. For example, when someone is the victim of a relationship issue (be it friends, occupational, or marriage/dating, the person who is hearing the information generally takes the side of their friend. In return, they are not only hearing the negative of the other person/party, but they will likely defend their friend.

Keeping these concepts in mind, here is this week's quote...

In giving advice, seek to help, not to please, your friend. ~ Solon

Keep in mind that not every situation is the same. Sometimes a person needs the shoulder to cry on, but there are still other times when the person needs to hear the truth. They need to know that though they were wronged, the other party may have been wronged as well. Whether it was today, yesterday, or sometime in the recent past.

When we are trying to listen to a friend, make sure you are able to see both sides of a situation. Telling your friend they were completely right is not going to help them out in the end. They are going to feel more "right" and fight for that right to be right.

This may also span into communicating to your children. They are not likely the best singers, dancers, artists, or athletes. There are ways to communicate and applaud their efforts without going overboard and making them feel like they should be the next "star" in the field they are aspiring to be involved in. I have found ways to practice this with my kids. This way they do not have a false hope when it comes to their aspirations.

Now it's your turn...how have you handled the idea of honesty when it came to giving advice to a friend/spouse/child, etc.?

Have Any Advice...For Yourself?

In the recent past I have had the opportunity to be a facilitator for what is being called a “Parent Café.” The set up is parents talking about various topics in an open forum. They rotate to four tables and have four different types of questions.

I am involved as a “fatherhood facilitator.” My questions start by talking to all the fathers or male guardians. We have at least ten minutes to make it through two questions. One question is “What would you want people to know about your child(ren)?” The other question is “What advice would you give other parents?”

Both of these created quite a buzz among the people who participated. It was fun to hear all the different answers. It was also fun to hear the various people share.

As I would ask the second question, during a portion of the time we were allotted to answer the question, I would rephrase the question. I would say “What advice would you give yourself, before you had kids, of something you've learned as a parent?”

Thinking about this in a different way, what advice would you give yourself about your Christian walk at this stage in your life? How many come to your mind as you continue to read this article?

Would it any of these? 1. Be Patient 2. Pick Your Battles 3. Encourage more 4. Spend more time with ____

It could be one of many answers, but what advice would you give yourself?