Be Honest...With Your Friend

One of the things I remember quite clearly when we did our marriage counseling was to be honest when a person asked a question. If you don't expect an honest answer you should ask the question was the message given to the "question asker."

Too often when we are in a situation of advice, we often tend to sugar coat the answer. I see this frequently when a person confides in a cohort about personal problems that involve another party. For example, when someone is the victim of a relationship issue (be it friends, occupational, or marriage/dating, the person who is hearing the information generally takes the side of their friend. In return, they are not only hearing the negative of the other person/party, but they will likely defend their friend.

Keeping these concepts in mind, here is this week's quote...

In giving advice, seek to help, not to please, your friend. ~ Solon

Keep in mind that not every situation is the same. Sometimes a person needs the shoulder to cry on, but there are still other times when the person needs to hear the truth. They need to know that though they were wronged, the other party may have been wronged as well. Whether it was today, yesterday, or sometime in the recent past.

When we are trying to listen to a friend, make sure you are able to see both sides of a situation. Telling your friend they were completely right is not going to help them out in the end. They are going to feel more "right" and fight for that right to be right.

This may also span into communicating to your children. They are not likely the best singers, dancers, artists, or athletes. There are ways to communicate and applaud their efforts without going overboard and making them feel like they should be the next "star" in the field they are aspiring to be involved in. I have found ways to practice this with my kids. This way they do not have a false hope when it comes to their aspirations.

Now it's your turn...how have you handled the idea of honesty when it came to giving advice to a friend/spouse/child, etc.?

Loving Out Loud: What Mother's Do

Mother's Day is a unique day of the year. I have always found it fun to be able to do something special for moms - both my mom, my wife, and even other moms. It is a time of year that the family seems to say "thanks" when they may not say it much the rest of the year. Kids will make the "cutesie" things for their moms or buy them something with the idea of "greatest mom" on it.

This year, my son saw a card that had earrings connected to it. The earrings were decoration for the card not a "bonus" to give to one's mom. He initially said he wanted to pick that one out because of the earrings. I thought he was going to want to buy his mom some earrings. Since my wife likes to lean toward "real" jewelry, I didn't want to have to deny him the opportunity to buy her some earrings. Luckily, he was just meaning the card, which was not the one he ultimately chose (thank goodness!).

It was fun to hear him give an answer for what he was wanting to buy her. He wanted to buy her, either a "fancy" or "nice" dress. He is already thinking that she would want "pretty" things. Kids pick up on this quickly!

In the sermon, we focused on three women, Jochebed (Moses' mom), Hannah (Samuel's mom), and Eunice (Timothy's mom). As we looked at these, we saw some ways they, as women and moms, loved out loud to their children. Something I think most moms thankfully do, already. Here are some applications to choose from to use this week...

• Sacrifice: Jochebed ~ Mom's are probably the most sacrificial people. They are willing to go through pains in life for their kids (and mate). They will give up appointments, take menial jobs, eat the scraps, and a whole lot more just to allow their family to have the better end of a situation. Jochebed was one who sacrificed "everything" so that Moses could live. It turns out it was for the best. He did survive and also lead his people out of Egypt. May we take from Jochebed that she would sacrifice so much for her children; this case, for Moses, and may we sacrifice for others.
• Commitment: Hannah ~ Even following through with the simplest of tasks can be a challenge. Making a deal on the front side, before the answer, can cause a lack of following through with that commitment. Hannah prayed a prayer committing to offer her son to God, if she were permitted to have a child. God opened her womb and she became pregnant. One of the greats about the story is that she followed through with her plan, after consulting God. May we take from Hannah a commitment to follow through to God (and others).
• Faithfulness: Eunice ~ As a mother typically has a strong bond with the children, sometimes the mother's faith can be more influential. We don't know the extent of Timothy's mom's faith, but she was commended by Paul regarding that faith. May we see the example and importance of putting faith into the lives of those we influence as we practice "loving out loud."

Mothers are special and unique. They may be females to begin with, but when they become a mom, it is as if they go through a neat change. I am speaking as a male and a father. I know there was a change in me once I had children. I also have observed this in many women who became moms. Most all of them that thought "one way" now think totally different because they have kids to take care of.

I think it is awesome that my wife was given the privilege of becoming a mom. I always knew she would be a great one!

Now it's your turn...what has been some great memories of your Mother's Day, either this year or years past?

Looking Through the Lens of a Father

My parents would probably tell you that I was a handful to raise. I did not do things that would have landed me in handcuffs or sent to the principal’s office. No, I was a smart aleck. My mouth caused me to be a “handful.” I remember being upset with my father and hollering down the hall “You’re the worst father in the world!” Needless to say, my father came back and let me know he didn’t approve. My parents were smokers and we didn’t go on a vacation one summer, I told them, “If you guys wouldn’t smoke, we’d have at least $520 extra dollars a year to go on a vacation.” That didn’t go over too well, either. Still another time, when I was twenty-two years old and was traveling to see my fiancé, I stayed at friends of the family overnight. When I talked to my mom after she had called to see if I had arrived safely, I communicated to her that I didn’t need to check in with her, as I was older now. This caused her to be very upset with me.

Can you see how I was a handful?

God must have been laughing at me as He knew that when I became a father I would be dealt some humbling blows. I have only been a father for three years, but I have already had my fair share of humble pie pieces to eat.

The first piece was just seeing my firstborn in the flesh and thinking “He’s mine and I’m responsible for him.” I started to feel a love that was unlike anything else I had ever felt. A love that feels pain and “hurts me more than it hurts him.” A love that loves always even when I do not like all the things he does. A love that is proud when I see him do something that his mother or I have instructed him to do – not go beyond limits or use his manners.

The other pieces came in times where he showed signs of stubbornness – unfortunately comes from both parents. He also has an unfortunate trait that I remember possessing, which is his keen ability to ask for something to drink or a snack as bedtime approaches to be able to stay up a few minutes more. Also, once he is in bed to need to go to the bathroom one more time.

Now that I have a daughter, she is bringing even more fun to my life. I love seeing her personality coming through as she is developing into a toddler. It will be interesting to see what type of “parent curse” she brings to my life. What will her personality bring about that reflects me when I grew up, that my son’s didn’t? I look forward to the “emotional moments” of seeing her excel in areas of learning that my son is experiencing.

I never would have thought that I would have had children that reminded me so much of myself and the stories I heard about me from my parents. It is unfortunate, the mannerisms that come about that remind me of one of my parents when it comes to dealing with my children. I say this “tongue-in-cheek,” that it is all just a “curse.”

Looking at my children through a father’s lens has caused me to be more appreciative of my parents and what I made them endure (don’t tell them that). It has also caused me to look at myself differently by viewing what I do through God’s perspective.

He must be proud when we make choices that are beneficial or when we use our manners. Maybe it is other times when we use the talents that He gave us to do good things or share our faith with others. Then, there’s the other side, when we make poor choices and it probably frustrates Him, possibly because we didn’t learn the lesson in the first place.

Seeing a situation through a different perspective can cause us to be humbled and appreciative. Think about how the “parent curse” has impacted you. After that, may we appreciate the children in our life a bit more, but most importantly, appreciate the Father in heaven more for what He deals with in us.

Love is a multifaceted component. One of those facets is the love for a child. This facet will most likely cause you to have many feelings you couldn’t imagine having until your child was born. Whether you’re a mother or a father, enjoy seeing your children through your lens and then correlating it to how God, the Father, sees and loves you.

The Father’s Grace

Parenthood, it can start at about any age from the teenage years and beyond. I had the unexpected surprise to be connected with a dad that came into that position at fifteen. This was way beyond when I was blessed to become a father. For me I was thirty-three before parenthood began.

The unique thing about each of us is that we had our own “turning point” of what I call the “curse of parenthood.” That “curse” is, in part, realizing how much a parent loves a child, in which, you didn’t realize how much my parents loved me because I didn’t appreciate it like I do now that I have a child.

Sunday, we looked at Luke 15:20b-24 as the first son comes home to be met and embraced by the father. This text displays the father showing grace to the first son. Similarly, this is a small parallel to God’s grace displayed to us. Here are some applications to choose from to use this week…

• Go to the Father ~ The son had greatly messed up. He took the blessings that the father had given him (inheritance) and blown it. I know that I am not pleased with our three-year old when he takes a new toy and seemingly ruins it. “Don’t you understand the value of taking care of it” I think. Of course he doesn’t, he’s only three. We are “three” at times and we all blow what is given to us. With our three-year old, I don’t love him any less in those times. When we do that with what God gives us, He’s still loves us and wants us to come to Him…let’s do that!
• Always in the View of the Father ~ The father in the parable saw the son a long way off. We are never out of view of the father. This is a humbling thought. However, it seems each of the times that God is referred to as a father it describes him as going over and beyond what we would expect. God is always looking for us to come to Him – whether we are in a state of “messing up” or just our daily fellowship with Him. He longs for our relationship to deepen. It is neat to think He’s always looking for us to “come home.”
• Dressed for Success ~ The first son came home with little hope. The father dispenses so much hope that he “dresses” the son for success. He gives him the best robe, a ring, and shoes. Receiving the robe was an honor. Why would/should a “squanderer” be honored? That was probably the question going through the first son’s mind. Regardless of the questions going through his mind, he was now given a position of success – all because of the father’s grace.

Grace is so mysterious. There are extremes of both – too conservative or liberal with its dispersion. Though I may not ever fully understand it, I can learn to fully appreciate it. May you enjoy the Father’s grace!

The Toughest Job You'll Ever Love

Most of you will remember the title of this article as one the Peace Corp used many years ago. I myself thought that the Peace Corp would be something enjoyable to do. Maybe it was a desire to help people, which has been what I’ve done, much of my professional life. So, maybe I wasn’t too far off.

However, I believe there is another job that could be one of the toughest jobs that you’ll ever love. That is the job of being a mother. No matter how many children she has, her love continues to multiply. Her willingness to go the extra step never runs out. Her desire to nurture never loses its passion. Her tears never dry up.

I watch mothers more now that I am married and have my own child. I observe one of the best mothers each and every day. As I grew up, I was immature and oblivious to the real sacrifice that comes with being a parent. Now that I am a parent, and my wife is a mother, I understand much of what goes on in being a mother, based on observing my wife.

Girls start out caring and nurturing. They care for their dolls just like they are their own. They will imitate their own mothers, but at the same time, they have an instinct of creating a safe haven for these pretend children. My niece, when Oliver was born, though she was only 5 ½ at the time, was so gentle and nurturing with him. She already started to show her instincts in caring for a child.

As a girl grows, she will enjoy playing house and being the “Mommy”. Sometimes this may be humorously scary, as it depends on what moments she may imitate what a “mommy” does as she plays house. However, she already understands that some of the roles a mother takes on is caring for the house, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the children.

Girls are the natural choice for babysitting. Why…because they naturally nurture. Boys will protect, but we do not have the instincts like a girl has. I remember when I babysat some children, four of them from ages three to five. We ordered pizza, when it arrived I put a piece on each of their plates, and I started to eat. About the time I took the first bite, they were all staring at me (I was 14 at the time). I quickly realized that they needed me to cut their pizza up for them into more manageable sizes. Not my instinct, but a girl probably would have done it immediately.

When the woman becomes a mom, she becomes even more sacrificial. It is a “24/7 365” sacrifice. She will do anything for her husband, but if her husband does not love her back, that may fade away. However, for her children, it will probably never fade. She will get up in the middle of the night to make sure that her child is fed or changed, stay up until they fall back asleep, then get up when needed, despite the lack of sleep she’s had.

Mothers will continue to sacrifice until they no longer have a heartbeat. There is no retirement from being a mother. It doesn’t matter if you go to bed at night or your children move away from home, nothing says retirement to a mother. Dads can compartmentalize some of the concerns for a child, but a mother simply cannot. Though some dads may be more in tune with their children than others, moms are continually involved and intuitive with the concerns of their children. So much love…so much sacrifice!

Thanks Moms for all you do! Without you, we’d be in trouble! Thanks for taking on the toughest job you’ll ever love!!! Happy Mother’s Day!

Being a Mom is Such a Laugh

I am sure that all the moms reading this have had a variety of moments that have caused them to laugh, which was brought on because of your children. I know that I gave my mom plenty to laugh about as I was growing up. I am sure there were lots of things that I did before I was at the age of remembering that was funny.

Our 16-month-old is definitely a happy, funny child. I won't say he is the happiest or funniest, but he certainly provides us with a lot of entertainment (when his teething doesn't get in the way). Who knows how many laughs my wife is given throughout a week with him. He hasn't done anything major yet, regarding an accident. He is into a fascination of enjoying throwing things away. But he sometimes has a difficult time deciphering between trash and treasure. Diapers and cups are trash, but toys and books are treasures.

For you moms, I hope you had a wonderful day yesterday! I hope you went to bed feeling appreciated and loved. Yesterday, I spoke about moms and how it can be such a laugh being a mom. It was taken from the story of Sarah being told, by God, that she was going to have a baby (at 90 years old), and she laughed. Hence the meaning of Isaac, "he laughs". Here are some applications to take from this week's sermon...

1. Laugh - at your child when they do something funny, but not at God when He asks/challenges you for/with a task to do.
2. Abraham's Promise - Abraham was promised amazing things that would come through him and Sarah having a child. Through your children, God may have some amazing things that will come as a result. It may not be in your lifetime or their lifetime, but God will carry His plan through.
3. Craziness is God's Plan - The likelihood of a 90-year-old becoming pregnant is very small. It seems practically "crazy", but God does crazy things some times. Like asking an insignificant to build an ark, spanning 120 years of ridicule. Or, having a big fish swallow someone to teach them a lesson. Or, being told by a non-fisherman to throw the nets out in the deep (where fish generally aren't found). He definitely provides some interesting fields for learning. He may be using you in a situation your in for big things, but to you it seems "crazy" or impossible! Look for them.
4. A Year Changes Things - Significant changes were going to take place in the Abraham-Sarah household a year from this point. Since we had to wait a while to have a child, we had some changes to make. I remember going shopping at any time of the day because we had to travel a few miles for a Wal-Mart! However, when we had a child, we had to change that schedule to actually make it a scheduled trip - around feedings, naps, feedings, naps, etc.

Mother's Day is a great day to appreciate moms. They do so much for us. Being a mom presents some very priceless, non-getting-back, humorous events.

As you start your next trek toward Mother's Day 2010, look forward to all the laughs that God brings to your life.

Also, for everyone, look forward to ways that God is going be showing up in your life to be using you. You never know what the forecast will be like in a year from now...a lot changes in a year!

Moms, thank you, thank you, thank you...for nurturing us, running back home when we forgot something, for staying up late when we needed "cupcakes" the next day, for working outside the home - then coming home to continue working, for teaching your children Godly values, for so many endless things...THANK YOU!

Appreciating moms...

Influencing Youth

About every 10 years it seems that the styles of dress change dramatically, to one degree or another. I just received an e-mail from "All Pro Dad" which examined how a father's influence can affect how his daughter dresses. This impacted me even if I don't have a daughter.

The other day when I was subbing a teenage girl was displaying a complacent attitude about being called an inappropriate name which depicts her morality. Within the same period she told me she was going to play football next year. She is not even close to any type of size that would be able to hold her own on the football field. She is excited, at this time, about playing. In reality, and having played a little organized football in my younger years, I doubt she will make it to the first game, but that isn't the point here.

Discussing football led to discussing what locker room she would use. She communicated a lack of care regarding dressing in front of the rest of the (male) team. I couldn't let this moment go by without suggesting that she need to "have more respect for herself" than to "not care" about where she changes. I don't know if this teenage girl has a good father-figure in her life or not. But statistics show that fathers have a very high influence on their daughters' self-esteem and other areas. I hope that teens like her will be able to develop more "care" regarding their lifestyles, whether it is through their parents' influence or others' whom they trust. May we be praying for areas like this, that God might use you to help make a difference, whether you have children or they are your children.

Boys and girls, sons and daughters, each need good modeling and influences from their parents. If you have children in your home, do all you can to continually stay involved in their life. If your children are separated from your home, due to a divorce or other removal, still use every chance you can to be involved in their life. If you are in the latter category, it will be more challenging, but stay involved! If you are in the first category, don't take it for granted that your children will always be in your home, take every night as a special night to be a family.

Making the most of every moment...
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To read the short e-mail that I received, you can view it online at http://www.allprodad.com/pod/podlist.php?y=2008&m=4 .Then click on April 29.

Monday Mentionings: Jochebed - A Mother's Sacrifice

I hope that all the mothers had a good Mother's Day!

I also hope your Monday has caused you to have a good start to the week! My week started off on the right track, as yesterday was fun and encouraging to me! Kids are funny! The video of the Bible Hour kids telling how about why they love their moms turned out excellent!

As we focused on Moses' mother, Jochebed, yesterday, she had some tough decisions to make when it came down to giving up of her baby. As we think about her situation, here are a few other applications...

1. Can you tell what is going to happen tomorrow? You can presume that if there is a tomorrow, what events will likely happen, but we can't know for sure. As soon as Jochebed released the basket, he was now in the hands of God. What would happen to Moses? As you don't know what will happen tomorrow, are you willing to give yourself into the hands of God? Sure we know what happened to Moses, but you don't know what will happen to you. In your case, think about it in the aspect of "how will God show up in my Tuesday?" My challenge to you is to look for Him...see how He will surprise you (in a good way).
2. Jochebed feared what would happen, but she also hoped of what would happen. She wanted him to be safe. She had hope that the God of the Israelites would take care if her son. May you not be concerned about all the things that could prevent you from showing/sharing Christ, but look for the hope of when you get to show/share Christ! God is good...all the time! And He is all around...just look for Him!

I pray that your week will be easy and full of open doors! May you keep your eyes open to seeing the opportunities.

God bless!