Tell Me. Show Me. Involve Me.

Everyone has different learning styles. Certain groups are going to have similar styles and may be grouped into one of a few various styles. I think we all possess the ability to learn something from every methodology; we just prefer one or two more.

Maybe you are a person who likes to sit and listen to people. You may soak it in. Or you may see something and retain the information better. I think a combination of one of those with "doing" will help you grasp the concept all the more. That brings us to this week's quote...

Tell me and I will forget. Show me and I may remember. Involve me and I will understand. ~ Unknown

It seems there are so many areas this quote is applicable. Directions, for instance, someone could tell me how to drive from one place to another and I may remember some of it (presuming there are several turns, etc.). I may be able to visualize it, to remember it more, if shown on a map. However, I will likely understand it much more after I have driven the route and know what to look for as I drive.

Careers are another example. You can go to college and be told many things, but that doesn't guarantee that you will know how to "do" a job. You can shadow someone for any length of time and see how they respond to various situations, but you are different and may respond differently. You can live and work in a career and be able to understand far more than you were ever told or shown, so to be able to do well at your job.

A third example is parenting. Were you one of those that had the "great ideas" before you had kids? "My kids aren't going to act like that" may have been your thoughts; partially because you thought you knew how to handle a child. I was one of those. To some extent that may be true, as I read or heard things on parenting. Following an example, TV or real life, I've learned some other ways of effective parenting. However, actually being in the middle of it, I have learned much more. As each child is different, there are applications to parenting one must apply at various times in various ways.

I like this quote when it comes to being involved in their Christian walk. There is only so much one can retain when told about the information pertaining to Christianity. I use a projection system to help people retain the information a bit more, and that only goes so far. Trying to spur people on to practicing the things they are informed about will allow them to retain much more or making the information that is being told and shown to them stick in an experiential way, also increases retention.

As you go through life, do not let yourself be limited by the auditory or the visual, rather go out and do things to grasp the deeper knowledge.

Now it's your turn...what is your example of gaining more knowledge of experiencing over hearing or seeing?

Listen Thoroughly

One of the activities I remember from a college counseling class was on listening. I remember it for a couple of reasons. One, because I was the "sucker" who fell victim to it. Two, because I have used it as an exercise in other areas, putting it to use. The exercise was to discuss some sort of a difficulty in your life, then ask the other person if they've ever had anything like that in their life. As 99% of the ones on the other side did, we started talking about our life, when that person was the one who came to us to talk out their situation, not hear us talk.

Listening is a part of my job as a husband and as a minister. Listening is incorporated in one-to-one situations, as well as, feeling out a situation (long- or short-term). Listening is important when it comes to trying to hear God through all the noise of life. Listening helps us learn, both knowledge and what actions to take next. The idea of listening brings us to this week's quote...

A good listener tries to understand thoroughly what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but before he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with. ~ Kenneth A. Wells, "Guide to Good Leadership"

If you're like me, you may be guilty of mentally finishing sentences or forming solutions to mentioned problems. Those are not good listening skills. We must engage with whom we're involved with and try to hear what they're saying. This will help us to have a better chance to understand what the other person is trying to communicate.

When we're being offended or rubbed the wrong way, it is hard to keep listening. Maybe that is a time when we should look even more close at what we're supposed to be listening to.

Listening is something we can all be perpetual students of. I think when we feel like we've mastered it, we're needing to go back to learn some more!

Learning to listen...

Never Leaving Your Partner Behind...by Listening

Listening is a skill that we all possess, though men and women approach it differently. Basically, we could probably listen to anyone talk about things we’re interested in, for “hours”. However, when it comes to play in relationships, we tend to have a “limited supply” of listening. This tends to be unfortunate when it comes to deepening your relationship with your spouse.

Webster defines it this way: 1: to pay attention to sound 2: to hear something with thoughtful attention: give consideration 3: to be alert to catch an expected sound

Men will usually get the bad rap for not being able to listen. Whether they are accused of not remembering a detail after being told a few moments before or they are caught tuning out their spouse after a certain length of time. However, in different ways, women can be not as good of listeners, too.

Women enjoy talking to get to know the other person better. They love to share ideas and hear that the receiver is sharing in that idea with them, even if they have a difference of opinion. They like to connect and grow closer to that person by sharing a bit of themselves. Hence, why they like to talk about their day, her family, her house, or what “Susie” is doing in her life. They enjoy talking about their struggles with decorating, their job, or their wardrobe.

Men enjoy talking about what they’ve done, too. They enjoy talking about their tools, trucks, sports, accomplishments, etc. They like to tell their spouse about their day, not to “express feelings”, but to simply inform (and usually in much shorter paragraphs).

Husbands can listen to their wife the way she needs it, but it requires effort. Especially, in areas that are not of the husband’s interest (don’t forget to steer away from the “solving” approach, sometimes she just needs you to listen). Wives like to connect through conversing with their husbands. However, when it comes to areas that the wife is not interested in, it may take as much effort as it does for the husband. To be the most effective, you may have to turn off the TV, go to Starbucks, take a drive, wait till the kids are in bed, or anything else that may distract you from each other.

Listening is a way to grow closer to your partner. Depending on the subject area, one side of the conversation may be shorter than the other. The length of time is not what is important, but that you take time to listen to each other to help make your marriage “fireproof”.

Learning to listen…

Monday Mentionings: Words of Wisdom from the Workshop - Part III

Culture...the characteristic features of everyday existence (as diversions or a way of life} shared by people in a place or time. That is part of Merriam-Webster's definition. Wal-Mart, Old Navy, Barnes and Noble, and Starbucks all employ marketing gurus to make sure that they are able to consistently reach the culture. If they were to fail, their sales would drop. Thus, causing their "sails" to drop. In other words, they wouldn't be able to be in the race with their competitors. The church has the same challenge. We are not in the "sales" arena, but we must be willing to do what we can to keep our "sails" up so that we will not get lost at sea.

Yesterday, we concluded the "Words of Wisdom From the Workshop" sermon series. Here are a couple of applications from the two sermons that were referred to yesterday...

1. "How to Get Today's Culture to Listen to the Ancient Gospel" - Jeff Walling - Are there people in your culture that you would have a hard time talking to, based on something superficial about them? I think we would all answer yes. However, one thing that I've come to realize is that God can use us in any situation. Pray that you will be ready to share Jesus in a practical and relevant way to people that you meet. Pray a "stretching" prayer that God will help you move past the comfort levels you currently have so that you may be able to "win some" (I Corinthians 9:22-23). Don't forget to set your cell phones to 3:16 (for John 3:16) or 4:15 (for Mark 16:15) to pray for someone who needs Jesus or that God would lead you to someone who needs Jesus!!!
2. "Praying with Anticipation" - Randy Harris - "What a day that will be" we sing as we think about the day when we get to see Jesus. THE day when prayers will cease because the saved will go "up" and the unsaved will go "down". However, God is able to do supernatural things. So, if He wills the world to be at peace, for pain to be diminished, and/or for all confusion to be nonexistent, then it can be done. May we be praying with the anticipation of that day..."are you ready"? "There's a great day comin'...are you ready for that day to come?" God is good...All the time!!!

You're a part of a culture...Now, go and take part in connecting your culture with Jesus!

Anticipating the next open door ~

Monday Mentionings: In the 'Ring' - Part 3 - Ephesians 5:33

I thoroughly enjoy marriage! Aubrey and I are both passionate about marriage and family. Speaking for myself, I see much of the problems that are in our society being related to the home. Whether that home consists of a married couple, a married couple and children, or single parent with children, having a strong home life, I think, would greatly reduce the amount of problems in life. There are so many facets to cover when talking about what a good home life entails that it is impossible to cover that in an e-mail. Because I have such a passion to see better husbands, wives, parents, families, etc., that is part of the reason for using February as a time to focus on marriage/relationships. Here are some applications from yesterday's sermon to use in your own life...

1. Listen to your spouse. That involves both the words they say and the way their body gives you messages. When you are able to hear what your spouse is saying, it makes things easier. However, it takes lots of practice and exposure to understand them. There may still be times that you may think you hear one thing, but your spouse was trying to communicate something different. Also, when your spouse says something that offends you, it may have been because of something you said to them to cause them to come back with offensive words. When spouses go back and forth, that is called the Crazy Cycle. It is up to the "bigger" person to stop it. Listening to your spouse includes all times and occasions. May God bless you with good ears to hear and discern what your spouse means and needs.

2. Marriage is 100%-100%. Some of the 100% from each person is a sense of sacrifice, or offering of yourself to the marriage. Have you sacrificed in your marriage? What have you given up for the sake of your marriage? Christ is our example of what it means to sacrifice - he gave himself up for the church. Our daily challenge is to give up ourselves for someone else - our spouse, an acquaintance, a stranger, or even an enemy. Offering of ourselves is one way we can be the church of Christ!

3. Do you have any problems forgetting what your spouse likes/dislikes? Maybe you can take some time to sit down with each other and ask questions, then write down the answers. These would be things that make them feel good. For example, if your wife likes nail polish, ask her what kind she likes. If your husband has a particular hobby, find out what he would like to have that he may not buy for himself (tools, video games, hunting/fishing equipment, instrument equipment, etc.) Maybe if you are passing a restaurant and one says, "We should go there sometime." Keep that in mind the next time you're looking for a place to go eat.

4. Do you and your mate still sit by each other to watch TV? If you don't, for whatever reason, take some time to sit next to each other. Hold hands, to add to the situation. If it isn't your practice to sit near each other, then you don't have to sit by each other from now on, just do it occasionally. Don't let kids be in the middle during this time. Do you go shopping together? Maybe one or both of these can be a way you can be appearing or involved in your marriage.

Marriage is about being "in the 'ring'". May you understand how your marriage can be that much stronger as you are practicing heaRING, offeRING, remembeRING, and appeaRING in your marriage.

Have a great week!

Serving Him ~