Allowing Others to Love the Real You

I remember when I was interviewing for my ministry job. I was very nervous and wanting everyone to be interested in me. Trying to get a group of people to be impressed by what you bring to the table in a short period of time is very challenging. I remember answering some of the questions and I would likely guess that I tried to answer them the way they wanted to hear them, all in hopes to land a job.

Though my personality was probably not too far from what is really "me" I would likely guess some of the other parts of the weekend was filled with "putting my best foot forward." That first experience taught me some lessons to take to other interview opportunities.

Time taught me some important lessons about showing the "real" me so that people will not be getting anything different than what they see initially. The other part of the challenge in landing a job is getting a feel for the other party and hoping to see the real them.

When you go through life, you should be letting people become attached to the real you so there are no surprises if things progress in the relationship. That brings us to this week's quote...

Don't change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you. ~ Unknown

One thing has definitely been learned from that first time, to show the real me. I have utilized this approach in many areas, including interviews. It has caused me to leave the interview knowing that what "they get" will not be a surprise. They will be hiring the person that they interviewed.

The same goes in life. Sometimes we try to make ourselves appear as someone we are not simply to try to impress. However, this quote challenges us to let people love the real you. This will do more than one positive thing - 1) No surprises, 2) Appreciating what they receive, and 3) develops trust. When we put someone that isn't "us" to others it will likely do the opposite of those three.

Relationships do not need "surprises," lack of appreciation, or a lack of trust. Those can create a rocky relationship, long term.

Let us show the real "you" so people will love that same person!

Now it's your turn...What do people need to see in you to see the "real you" so that they can love the "real you?"

Do You Believe? - A message that prods how deep your faith goes

Do you believe...in God/Jesus/Holy Spirit? In heaven and hell? That Jesus can make your burdens lighter? God will take care of you? He can heal all diseases? He will forgive ALL your sins (aka you are forgivable)? Someone you know wants to know about Christ? He will show you the way? And the list continues...

Do any of those questions start to step on your "faith toes?" They are ones that I have wrestled with in life. Usually, I guess if I'm wrestling with them, someone else will too.

Sunday, we looked at Matthew 9:27-34 as Jesus was healing two blind men. Here are some applications to choose from to use this week...

• Blindness ~ I think that any disability/flaw can become numb to the senses. In other words, it may cause us pain, but we become more and more comfortable with it. Maybe it is a chronic pain, over/underweight, disorder, scars, diseases, or disabilities. We can become figuratively blind to various areas in life, which can disable us from seeing the open doors around us to share our faith. Ask Jesus to remove that blindness so you can see the possibilities.
• "Yes, Lord" ~ Not all of life's questions are going to be easy to say "Yes, Lord" when we are posed with the question of "Do you believe I can take care of this?" However, for those hard questions, even if it is answered a bit sheepishly, may we have confidence in Him that He will take care of things and answer, "Yes, Lord."
• Don't Tell Anyone ~ Don't think about pink elephants. I would guess you started thinking about that or something pink or elephants. Jesus told the recipients of this blessing to not tell anyone and they told everyone. I hope you will take the chances to tell others about what Jesus has done for you. They need to have Him too!!!

I shared that sometimes the cross is like the sleigh bell from The Polar Express. The boy, along with some others, had a difficult time hearing it because they didn't believe. I hope that the cross will be come more "audible" to you as you go through life. Whether you need to believe on the tough issues or the easy ones.

Now it's your turn...what have you struggled in "believing?"

False Peeps

Friends are there to encourage and support you as you go through life. Occasionally, you will experience the tragedy of a person of whom you thought was your friend, turn their back on you. It is full of heartbreak. One might argue you were a bit delusional in your trust, depending on how deep or solid the friendship was at the time.

Maybe you've been the friend who has "pulled the wool over their eyes" and caused someone else to be delusional in your friendship.

Either way, it hits home about what Jesus is saying in Matthew 7:21-23 about saying "Lord, Lord" to Jesus. As we reflect on that, here are some applications to choose from to use this week...

• Peep Show ~ Is your life in Christ just something for "show?" Are you doing the various actions for others (spouse, family member, parent, public) to see what you do? If it is for show consider the end result possibility "I never knew you...away from me you evildoer." Kind of frightening!
• A Name is Just a Name ~ As I am a parent there are times when I ask my son to reply "Yes, sir" when it comes to responding to something I've instructed him to do. Partly because he has said "Yes" in a snotty way. He will respond with the words "Yes, sir!" in an emphatic and snotty way. You could easily read that as simply emphatic, but that isn't the way he is responding. There are different ways to emphasize a word or words. And by that emphasis would convey various things.May we acknowledge Jesus as our Lord, but do it in a way that brings honor to Him, not belittling.
• Reflect Your View ~ Is Jesus "Lord" of your life? It should be reflected in that way, so much you don't even need to say anything - people should see Him in you. I have my moments when I try to tell a joke or funny story, but it doesn't come out well, so I have to explain it. May our life properly reflect Christ in a way we don't have to tell people - they will just see Him.

Our following of Christ must stem from the heart. The heart is vital to the rest of the body. When God has our heart, he will have the rest of us too.

Does God have your heart?

Super Funny Clip from "The Break Up"

Blue vs. Pink

Practically all of us grew up with the concept of having boys and girls being differentiated by blue and pink. Blue is manly and pink is girly. We even judge on those differentiations, especially for the guy because if he is wearing much pink then there is a stigma attached. However, the same goes, especially for a baby girl, if she is wearing too much blue.

Is it wrong to wear pink for a guy or blue for a girl or is it just different?  With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I thought this may be a good quote to put out there…

Blue and pink, not wrong, just different.  ~ Emerson Eggerichs, author of “Love and Respect”

To give a brief background on this quote, man and woman are indicated by these two colors. Think that the man hears, sees, and speaks “blue.”  Whereas the woman hears, sees, and speaks “pink.”  This author lists a few examples of phrases we may say that are heard differently.

One example is “I don’t have any clothes to wear.”  If you say that to the blue group, you will get one response (typically – no clothes clean). You say that to the pink group and you will probably get a totally different response (typically – my clothes are outdated, I need new ones).  (If you’ve never heard this concept, ask your significant other and see if their response is anywhere close to the "typical”).

Enjoy your relationship and though we may think differently and react differently, that is what we are…blue and pink, not wrong, just different!

My Valentine’s Day Recommendation for Books for Couples:

Love and Respect – by Emerson Eggerichs

For Women Only & For Men Only – Each by Shaunti Feldhahn

Power of a Praying Wife & Power of a Praying Husband – Each by Stormie Omartian

"I Don't...Hear You" - Proverbs 12:18

She says, "How do I look?"

He says, "Fine!"

How did that conversation go after that point?  It depends on how you read it and most of it has to do with the way you read the man's answer.  Did you read it envisioning him saying it through a newspaper, not even giving much more than a glance?  Did you read it envisioning him saying it in the middle of a TV show/sports game and wanting her to move out of the way so he can see the next play?  Did you read it envisioning him looking her up and down and giving her the "J.J.", from "Good Times, type of emphasis that may be stretched out a bit like "FINNNE"?

What was it she was wanting to know?  Was she wanting to know if her tags were tucked in or if her clothes matched?  No, she wanted to know if the guy that had her heart thought she was "rockin' his world" by what she looked like, no matter how simple or complex the outfit may have been. 

He says about a recently completed project, "What do you think?"

She says, "It's fine!"

I didn't want to use too generalized of a scenario like mowing the lawn because not every guy mows his own lawn.  However, most all guys will complete some type of project, either around the house or at work, that he is proud of and will want to show it to his girl.

So, how did you read it?  Was he showing her the project in the middle of her trying to complete other tasks and she didn't take the time to really look at it, so she was just wanting him to quit showing it to her?  Or was she really interested in something her guy had done and thought it looked really good?

How things are said, both tone and body language, determines to a great degree how they are received.  Yesterday, we concluded our "I Don't" Series by looking at how people can say something and the receiver may interpret it different than intended.  Here are some applications to choose from to use this week...

1. Realize Your Partner Desires Your Attention ~ During the dating time we show a lot of attention to the other person, even in areas we are not interested in.  This just confuses, and possibly deceives, the other person if, after the marriage ceremony, we no longer have that interest.  Let your communication be consistent.  If you've lost that connection, realize you would do well to get it back by showing interest in the areas you used to share in.
2. Realize Opposite Genders Hear Differently ~ Something exactly the same may be said to two people of the opposite gender and it will mean a world of something different.  A guy may come out to show how he looks in an outfit and the wife may get away with saying a simple "Fine" response.  However, said the same way to her and it may not be received well. 
3. Realize Words Can Be Like Daggers ~ This doesn't even have to include "put downs" nor does it have to just include disagreements.  If you say, "That's the worst ___ ever!" and the response is "No, it isn't", you will either be comforted or left fuming.  It all depends on the response.  Reading it, it is just words, saying it is different.  But words can be daggers that don't have to be a "response", just what we say determines how someone feels after our sentence is completed.  Be conscious of how you come across.  A man's voice to a female can be comforting or "barking".  A woman's voice to a man can be sweet or annoying.

What we hear may not be our fault, as we're made differently.  Learning to hear differently for the sake of understanding someone is a pursuit worth taking.  Possibly half of misunderstandings, specifically, between opposite genders will be a result of the fact that we speak, hear, and see differently.  "Not wrong, just different" (Emerson Eggerichs). 

Think about some of these things as you have your future conversations with people.

  

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Enduring Enterprise - Isaiah 54:10

I wish I had an answer as to why more marriages tend to fail each year. I know there are lots of speculations that have been formed as to answer that pondering. One, Hollywood doesn't model lifelong commitments. Two, previous parents may have been divorced (if married at all). Three, we make it easy to get out. Four, we are a "serve me" society. You may have your own to add, please do, as when you add your comment. However, aside from a few exceptions, relationships are to be permanent.

That permanency is modeled by God, Himself. He shows us that we will give up on Him before He gives up on us. He is not out for Himself, but looking out for our best interest. Even when we have been the one who messed up (again and again).

As we concluded our month talking about relationships, we finished up by looking at the enduring side of a marriage. Whether that marriage is to another human being or to God, He shows us that we are to not be giving up on that "marriage". Here are some applications to choose from to use from this week's lesson...

1. When wanting to "give up" on your partner, think about the "why" factor. Why are you wanting to give up? What have they done that enables you a way out that you have not done to God, sometime?
2. Self-reflect on the idea of you being OK with God giving up on your for the same thing - no forgiveness or grace given.
3. Make a list of all the good things that you see/saw in that person (or the things that attract you to them).
4. Pray for your heart to be softened toward them.
5. "Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything." I Peter 4:8 (The Message)
6. Don't give up on your brethren, either. If you have a problem, go and "carefront" them to get things straightened out. Remember the "marriage" you're apart of with them, too.
   

Relationships are to be long-term. Both the ones that are joined together by a ring or a Cross. We are to endure the tough times so as to remain partners. Nothing with relationships are totally easy...but it is totally worth it!

Enjoying my Enterprise!...

Never Leaving Your Partner Behind...by Listening

Listening is a skill that we all possess, though men and women approach it differently. Basically, we could probably listen to anyone talk about things we’re interested in, for “hours”. However, when it comes to play in relationships, we tend to have a “limited supply” of listening. This tends to be unfortunate when it comes to deepening your relationship with your spouse.

Webster defines it this way: 1: to pay attention to sound 2: to hear something with thoughtful attention: give consideration 3: to be alert to catch an expected sound

Men will usually get the bad rap for not being able to listen. Whether they are accused of not remembering a detail after being told a few moments before or they are caught tuning out their spouse after a certain length of time. However, in different ways, women can be not as good of listeners, too.

Women enjoy talking to get to know the other person better. They love to share ideas and hear that the receiver is sharing in that idea with them, even if they have a difference of opinion. They like to connect and grow closer to that person by sharing a bit of themselves. Hence, why they like to talk about their day, her family, her house, or what “Susie” is doing in her life. They enjoy talking about their struggles with decorating, their job, or their wardrobe.

Men enjoy talking about what they’ve done, too. They enjoy talking about their tools, trucks, sports, accomplishments, etc. They like to tell their spouse about their day, not to “express feelings”, but to simply inform (and usually in much shorter paragraphs).

Husbands can listen to their wife the way she needs it, but it requires effort. Especially, in areas that are not of the husband’s interest (don’t forget to steer away from the “solving” approach, sometimes she just needs you to listen). Wives like to connect through conversing with their husbands. However, when it comes to areas that the wife is not interested in, it may take as much effort as it does for the husband. To be the most effective, you may have to turn off the TV, go to Starbucks, take a drive, wait till the kids are in bed, or anything else that may distract you from each other.

Listening is a way to grow closer to your partner. Depending on the subject area, one side of the conversation may be shorter than the other. The length of time is not what is important, but that you take time to listen to each other to help make your marriage “fireproof”.

Learning to listen…

Never Leaving Your Partner Behind...by Being Active

In marriages, we are coming together from two different places. The obvious place is just the fact that we are male and female. However, with that brings the way we view things. Other differences are incorporated in how we were molded – family traditions, family values, etc.

My parent’s had their first date at a high school baseball game. My dad played while my mom watched. I don’t know if she sat with any friends, but she was basically by herself. Some date, right? The other part is that there was hardly a word spoken to her after the game. My dad picked her up, went to the game, played the game, and took her home. To him, it was great, not to her; but their relationship has still lasted almost forty-six years.

There are lots of ways one can be active in your partners life. However, I want you to think about things which your specific partner likes and take an active role in being interested in them (even if it is on occasion).

A few years ago, I was introduced to the Xbox game system. I enjoy the sports games, specifically NCAA Football. There are times when I make a good play or win the “National Championship” that I like to show my wife my accomplishments. She graciously gives me her attention to “congratulate” me on my accomplishment. She’s the best!

Does your spouse like to play sports? Watch sports? Go to craft shows? Watch TV/movies? Take walks? Go to plays? Go to concerts? Work in the yard? Plant a garden? Play video games? Go to hotels? Go shopping? The list could go on and on. Participating in these activities are easy if you like them too, but are more difficult when you are not interested. That is where you realize that it is good for your relationship to keep learning about your spouse and to take an interest in something they enjoy. It will help bring you closer together and help keep your marriage out of the “fire”.

A student of being active…

Never Leaving Your Partner Behind…by Praying

This will be a small series of posts...one today, one tomorrow, then the other two will be the next two weeks, on a Tuesday. They are bulletin articles, but thought others might benefit
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In the movie, Fireproof, there is a scene in the beginning where the Fire Captain Caleb Holt is reprimanding one of his younger firefighters for leaving his partner at their last fire to go and help someone else. The firefighter may have had good intentions, but it left his partner in the lurch. He could have been killed. Caleb tells him, “Never leave your partner behind”. When I saw this movie, I knew exactly where this was going in respect to the plot of the film.

As we look at the movie as inspiration to our series, I want to look at a few ways we can apply the idea of “never leaving our partner behind”.

Never leave your partner behind by praying for them. There are so many fires that we all can find ourselves in throughout the day that we need protection from the inconsumable God.

One of the passions of mine and Aubrey’s is marriage combined with prayer. During the next month or two, look for advertising of Aubrey starting a “Power of a Praying Wife” study. I know that wives are busy with work and/or family, however, this once-a-week study will definitely be worth the time that you take out of your busy schedule! Words cannot describe the reward that you will receive by going through this study!

Then, in September, in correlation with Monday Night Football, I will be having the “Power of a Praying Husband” study. I thoroughly enjoy going through this study, as it teaches me how to specifically pray for what my wife needs. Each chapter has a separate need to be praying for her on. Plus, once we’re done with our study, then we get to watch football.

These studies do not only help your own prayer life, but they help your partner feel protected!

You don’t have to wait until these studies are here to be praying for your partner. Start now! Prayer draws you closer, which has many benefits! Also, pray together, this is a great activity to becoming closer and more connected to your partner.

Remember, you may have good intentions when you are doing activities throughout the day, but when we get wrapped up in those activities, we can have a tendency to leave our partner in the middle of a “fire”. So, one way to never leave your partner behind…is by praying for them!

Fireproof: Illusion of Interest

Do you find yourself just looking at this, trying to figure it out? Wanting to take your eyes/mind off of it, but can't? The color combination is intriguing to create that visual stimulation that you are just in awe about why and how it can move when it is just a two-dimensional object.

Those are some of the same reactions we have when it comes to being interested in another person. For those of you that are married, when you were dating you were very interested in that person, to the point of not-stop-thinking-about-them. If you are single, then you've had those same experiences with people you have/are dating (or someone you'd like to date). The danger comes when we have the cannot-stop-thinking-about-them feelings for someone other than your spouse.

As we are examining the movie Fireproof this month, let us reflect back on the lesson yesterday that dealt with the idea of the illusion of interest...

1. When you find yourself seeing something you visually like, turn away before it draws you in further.
2. If a parent of a son, take time to teach them about the dangers of letting their eyes gawk all around at the visual images they may see on TV, in stores, in school, at the pool, etc.
3. If a parent of a daughter, take time to teach them about the dangers of being emotionally drawn in to the wrong type of guy.
4. Parents, teach your children about dressing with a sense of modesty. Usually, leaning to the girls, since boys are so visual. (Remember that one can be highly in fashion and still modest).
5. Men, though you may be visually created, you do not have license to abuse that by looking at women with this "they are objects for your viewing pleasure" mindset.
6. Women, though you may be emotionally created, you do not have license to abuse that by finding other sources of which to confide in, tell your problems to, etc.
7. Stay close to God throughout the day to help prepare your mind for action (I Peter 1:13)

The list could go on for quite a while, however, when we think we see one thing, it may only be an illusion that will trick us to think we're seeing something totally different. A simple "friendship" could turn out to be a spiraling-out-of-control situation you never thought would have happened this way. You may get to the "They just get me" illusion (speaking of someone other than your spouse) that builds up flames in your marriage so high, it can't be put out.

For those not married to a person, as Christians, you are still "married" to Jesus, as the church is the "bride of Christ". There will be many different illusions that may try to take you away from that relationship. Keep in mind to do things that will "fireproof" that relationship, also! This applies to all Christians, married or unmarried.

Happily married...