"I Don't...Hear You" - Proverbs 12:18

She says, "How do I look?"

He says, "Fine!"

How did that conversation go after that point?  It depends on how you read it and most of it has to do with the way you read the man's answer.  Did you read it envisioning him saying it through a newspaper, not even giving much more than a glance?  Did you read it envisioning him saying it in the middle of a TV show/sports game and wanting her to move out of the way so he can see the next play?  Did you read it envisioning him looking her up and down and giving her the "J.J.", from "Good Times, type of emphasis that may be stretched out a bit like "FINNNE"?

What was it she was wanting to know?  Was she wanting to know if her tags were tucked in or if her clothes matched?  No, she wanted to know if the guy that had her heart thought she was "rockin' his world" by what she looked like, no matter how simple or complex the outfit may have been. 

He says about a recently completed project, "What do you think?"

She says, "It's fine!"

I didn't want to use too generalized of a scenario like mowing the lawn because not every guy mows his own lawn.  However, most all guys will complete some type of project, either around the house or at work, that he is proud of and will want to show it to his girl.

So, how did you read it?  Was he showing her the project in the middle of her trying to complete other tasks and she didn't take the time to really look at it, so she was just wanting him to quit showing it to her?  Or was she really interested in something her guy had done and thought it looked really good?

How things are said, both tone and body language, determines to a great degree how they are received.  Yesterday, we concluded our "I Don't" Series by looking at how people can say something and the receiver may interpret it different than intended.  Here are some applications to choose from to use this week...

1. Realize Your Partner Desires Your Attention ~ During the dating time we show a lot of attention to the other person, even in areas we are not interested in.  This just confuses, and possibly deceives, the other person if, after the marriage ceremony, we no longer have that interest.  Let your communication be consistent.  If you've lost that connection, realize you would do well to get it back by showing interest in the areas you used to share in.
2. Realize Opposite Genders Hear Differently ~ Something exactly the same may be said to two people of the opposite gender and it will mean a world of something different.  A guy may come out to show how he looks in an outfit and the wife may get away with saying a simple "Fine" response.  However, said the same way to her and it may not be received well. 
3. Realize Words Can Be Like Daggers ~ This doesn't even have to include "put downs" nor does it have to just include disagreements.  If you say, "That's the worst ___ ever!" and the response is "No, it isn't", you will either be comforted or left fuming.  It all depends on the response.  Reading it, it is just words, saying it is different.  But words can be daggers that don't have to be a "response", just what we say determines how someone feels after our sentence is completed.  Be conscious of how you come across.  A man's voice to a female can be comforting or "barking".  A woman's voice to a man can be sweet or annoying.

What we hear may not be our fault, as we're made differently.  Learning to hear differently for the sake of understanding someone is a pursuit worth taking.  Possibly half of misunderstandings, specifically, between opposite genders will be a result of the fact that we speak, hear, and see differently.  "Not wrong, just different" (Emerson Eggerichs). 

Think about some of these things as you have your future conversations with people.

  

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Different is Often Perceived as Better

During any given year, you will see a number of items that are being sold on TV. The may later get to the stores to sell, but they make their debuts on television. Some seem really quirky: Chia Pets, Topsy-Turvy, Shoes Under, Bump-it, Pedi-egg, Touch-n-Brush, & Wizzit.

Have you purchased any of these? Why? They probably caught your attention. You may have been won over by the commercials and 'seeing' their results. You may have thought 'now is the time I need one of those'. Regardless of the reason, you are not alone, as millions of people have bought these and other similar products for years. The real question is did it work for you? Did it work for everyone who bought it? Did you use it to its capacity or did it end up taking up space or going to a garage sale pile?

Have you ever wondered why foreign films get such high awards? They usually don't have anywhere close to the visual imagery that our films tend to have, with all the action/adventure, etc. Roger Ebert was asked a similar question, here was his response..."how many movies are you normally seeing in any given week?" Most of us would answer the same as the person he was addressing, "One". "Don't you see? That's your problem," Ebert responded. "Many of the people in this profession are seeing one or two movies a day. Those little, offbeat, quirky, odd foreign or independent films capture our attention because they are a bit different! When you are overwhelmed with such boring similarity, you begin to perceive that different is better!"

Distinction and being distinguished allows one to stand out. Understand there are good and bad ways of doing that. What I want the church to think about is the idea of being different, distinct, distinguished, while being attractive. Like I said a week ago, we are not to appear 'cooky' or 'holy roller', but to appear approachable, fun, and passionate about our faith. To make everything fit in our faith-bucket, instead of trying to make our faith fit into everything.

Individually, we can make a big difference. Collectively, we must think about being different by doing things that are out-of-the-box. They can be service opportunities. They can be buying shirts with our church name on them (and wearing them). They can be visiting visitors when they came by. They can be putting on city-wide events. They can be a number of things.

Just as the "As seen on TV" products are different, so they appear better, let's see what God opens up for us with ideas and opportunities that may be different, but different is often perceived as better!

Being Different

I think that most people who have any drive at all desire to be different. Growing up with an uncommon name I wanted to have a different name. One that would resemble "cool". However, I remember a time when I was at a low point in my childhood and I started thinking about my name. It was different and that was OK. I am who I am and I was named this name for a reason. I don't know if that was a turning point or not, but, like many, I had a drive to be different.

Merriam-Webster defines different in this way...

1 : partly or totally unlike in nature, form, or quality : dissimilar
2 : not the same: as a : distinct b : various c : another
3 : unusual, special

Individuals in life are different by their gender, the way they dress, their choice in music, their choice in hair styles, their favorite color, their hobbies, etc. Sometimes when we see someone who is so different than us we label them as being "different".

In a consumer world being different is the name of the game. You either have a different product, a different price or difference in service. As a church we are in the middle of consumerism and must adjust the rudder and sails to survive. We may not be a "business" and we aren't a consumer. However, we must lean more toward the business side to survive, as we need people to support us so we can stay afloat, just as a business does.

One of the definitions above stood out to me - 2(c). It basically says that part of different is "another". When we are just "another" church in the community, that is not the right kind of different that will help us be more attractive. When a business opens up, if it is just "another" burger place or another grocery store, then it is bound to fail. Something must be done to move it from "another" to "dissimilar" or "distinct".

We must understand, as we look to attract, what makes us unique. Is it a product, a price, or a service which is provided? Once we can identify which of the three areas we are going to target, then we can seek to be different. If our focus is to meet each week for a few hours in a building then we will always be just "another" church. If we drift from week to week not thinking about being different outside the walls of the church building, then we will always be just "another" church.

However, if we can have the mindset to be different by thinking about our mission each day, in the middle of our jobs, our games, our drives, our interactions, etc. Then, we will start to take on one aspect of being a bit different.

Too often we have paralleled "different" in the religious world to being "cooky", "snobbish", "stuck-up", "crazy", "holier than thou", "preachy", "goodie-goodie", "radical", or a host of other labels. Really, you make the label. You can be different without being any of those things. We, as a church, can be different without any of those things. I am driven to be different, as a preacher, by trying to avoid any of those things, and, as relationships go, it has worked very well.

Let's not drift. Let's look for ways to be "different" as a church, every day.

Things Are Always Advancing

As I have a child, we go to McDonald's on a regular basis. The "Happy Meal" is geared to have food servings for kids. Inside each of these meals is a toy/prize. These prizes are continually rotating, weekly for ten or so weeks at a time, then another line of toys will come. On the bottom of the cardboard Happy Meal containers it will tell you what is "coming next". I am getting accustomed to looking at the bottom of the container to see what's next.

Though there may be some groups of toys that I am not that keen on, I know they will be rotating (after all, the toy isn't for me anyway). That is a good marketing strategy, to be coming up with something new on a continual basis.

That is the business world, but since we are always consumers, that is our world. Which means, that is our culture and what our church exists in. As people are consumer minded, the church must also adapt to the times. If businesses do not change, people will get bored and go elsewhere. It doesn't have to be a complete transformation or remodel, but a change. If it is too drastic, people may not recognize the business and its goals. This can be the opposite side of the spectrum of change.

Take, for instance, the Happy Meal. The same three options are included in the Meal - hamburger, cheeseburger, or 4-piece McNuggets. Now, a more healthier approach is given to other options, apples instead of fries or milk instead of a soft drink. Depending on how you combine these options, the basic meal stays the same. The difference is the toy inside. It changes weekly.

This is a minor example of change. But it is a major argument for the need for continual change. As a church, what has changed lately? Past 6 months? Past year?

When it comes to thinking about change, we must do it. At least change something. If not, people get bored, complacent, and lethargic. That is the people in our congregation. So if we're feeling those feelings, why would someone come in and join us?

We must be changing. May not be our environment, but be different. We can't be model-followers, and do just what a "competitor" is doing. We have to be unique in action, not just in principle.

What can we do to be different? Let's brainstorm. That is something the teams can be trying to work on. Try not to think of something safe, but something "out of the box". People are attracted to more of "I never thought a church would do that" kind of things. How can we open our doors to others? Know anyone who needs a meeting spot? We're open for that! Let's see what we can do to cause people to "look under the box" to see what's happening next!

We're having an ice cream night, take time to invite someone! Maybe they are someone who makes great ice cream and you could even ask them to make their "famous" ice cream, who knows.

Things are always changing...let's not be left behind!

Points of Contact Presents Opportunity for Distinction

A business is in business to stay in business. If you are a part of a business, you are a person who has customers or potential customers. Any given month, could, potentially, be your last month. You are not in business because you presume your customers will always come to you (at least I hope you aren't). You know you have to put in effort to keep your customers and/or gain other customers. You may not be in business to "drive out" competition, but to make money. Even if you are in a business that may be one described as "job security", you still have certain "requirements" to keep your business afloat.

As a person who, in principle, is trying to help grow a "business", I decided to read a book that is intended for business people. Even though I am in the ministry business, this book has lots of applications. Since it is a business book, I thought I would share a bit of it with business people.

The book is titled "Collapse of Distinction" by Scott McKain. I am about halfway through the book and have really enjoyed every page of it. What I want to share with you is this, "Every point of contact with your customer provides an opportunity for distinction." Re-read that quote. That is just one of many lines I highlighted.

How you treat your customers really affects a lot. Too often we do not press the importance of how the point of contact can cause you to be distinct from someone else. If you provide an oil change, how are you different to that customer than the business that provides one down the street? If you sell houses, how are you different than any other Realtor? If you do accounting, how are you different than any other accountant? Do any of you send birthday cards to your clients, once you have their addresses? Have you ever thought about providing something free for first time customers? Doing taxes free the first year? Giving out free cups of coffee to Starbucks? Maybe even inviting a customer or potential customer over to your own house for dinner - not as a big party, either. Those are just some possibilities that may make you different than your customer.

You've got to make your business different in more ways that color scheme, title, or a few seasonings. Some stores presumed they were strong enough in their market without worrying about this no-name store that was starting up from Bentonville, Arkansas. You know what store that is...years later they are a staple in America...Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart is distinct. McDonald's is distinct. Target is distinct. Starbuck's is distinct. However, they can't presume they will always be in business. They are constantly looking for ways to be distinct. Once they fail to "not be concerned" about other competitors, they will collapse. All businesses need to focus on how they can keep from being involved in a collapse of distinction.

If you'd like for me to discuss any more of the book with you, I'd be glad to. Feel free to contact me by leaving a comment or texting "ichthus" to 50500.

E-mail Encouragement: Being Different

Ketchup, bread, and chocolate chip cookies. What do these all have in common. You can go to the store and have your choice to pick out any one of these in a variation of brands - each one still being about the same idea. There isn't much difference in the taste and texture in the variation of these three (within their own categories). The idea that they are pretty much the same brings us to this week's quote...

In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different. ~ Coco Chanel

A few years ago, Heinz brand ketchup came out with variations in order to make their brand a bit different. Bread companies have tried different things to make their bread seem different. Chips Ahoy brand cookies has "Soft Batch" and "Chocolate Chunk" to try to be different. Once a product is made, others will try to mimic that product. So, the constant challenge is to stay ahead of others in the same business, just to make sure you are maintain a status of being irreplaceable. As Christians, we all are equipped with the same amount of bones and other body components as anyone else. So, what makes us different? That is the constant challenge. We can be polite and kind, but so are others. We have to keep going toward what is uncommon in order to make sure that we are not replaceable. Such as, are others able to turn the other cheek when being "hit" in life?

How will you be different? I pray that your individual uniqueness will allow you to find ways to be irreplaceable!

Looking for ways ~