Blue vs. Pink

Practically all of us grew up with the concept of having boys and girls being differentiated by blue and pink. Blue is manly and pink is girly. We even judge on those differentiations, especially for the guy because if he is wearing much pink then there is a stigma attached. However, the same goes, especially for a baby girl, if she is wearing too much blue.

Is it wrong to wear pink for a guy or blue for a girl or is it just different?  With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I thought this may be a good quote to put out there…

Blue and pink, not wrong, just different.  ~ Emerson Eggerichs, author of “Love and Respect”

To give a brief background on this quote, man and woman are indicated by these two colors. Think that the man hears, sees, and speaks “blue.”  Whereas the woman hears, sees, and speaks “pink.”  This author lists a few examples of phrases we may say that are heard differently.

One example is “I don’t have any clothes to wear.”  If you say that to the blue group, you will get one response (typically – no clothes clean). You say that to the pink group and you will probably get a totally different response (typically – my clothes are outdated, I need new ones).  (If you’ve never heard this concept, ask your significant other and see if their response is anywhere close to the "typical”).

Enjoy your relationship and though we may think differently and react differently, that is what we are…blue and pink, not wrong, just different!

My Valentine’s Day Recommendation for Books for Couples:

Love and Respect – by Emerson Eggerichs

For Women Only & For Men Only – Each by Shaunti Feldhahn

Power of a Praying Wife & Power of a Praying Husband – Each by Stormie Omartian

"I Don't...Hear You" - Proverbs 12:18

She says, "How do I look?"

He says, "Fine!"

How did that conversation go after that point?  It depends on how you read it and most of it has to do with the way you read the man's answer.  Did you read it envisioning him saying it through a newspaper, not even giving much more than a glance?  Did you read it envisioning him saying it in the middle of a TV show/sports game and wanting her to move out of the way so he can see the next play?  Did you read it envisioning him looking her up and down and giving her the "J.J.", from "Good Times, type of emphasis that may be stretched out a bit like "FINNNE"?

What was it she was wanting to know?  Was she wanting to know if her tags were tucked in or if her clothes matched?  No, she wanted to know if the guy that had her heart thought she was "rockin' his world" by what she looked like, no matter how simple or complex the outfit may have been. 

He says about a recently completed project, "What do you think?"

She says, "It's fine!"

I didn't want to use too generalized of a scenario like mowing the lawn because not every guy mows his own lawn.  However, most all guys will complete some type of project, either around the house or at work, that he is proud of and will want to show it to his girl.

So, how did you read it?  Was he showing her the project in the middle of her trying to complete other tasks and she didn't take the time to really look at it, so she was just wanting him to quit showing it to her?  Or was she really interested in something her guy had done and thought it looked really good?

How things are said, both tone and body language, determines to a great degree how they are received.  Yesterday, we concluded our "I Don't" Series by looking at how people can say something and the receiver may interpret it different than intended.  Here are some applications to choose from to use this week...

1. Realize Your Partner Desires Your Attention ~ During the dating time we show a lot of attention to the other person, even in areas we are not interested in.  This just confuses, and possibly deceives, the other person if, after the marriage ceremony, we no longer have that interest.  Let your communication be consistent.  If you've lost that connection, realize you would do well to get it back by showing interest in the areas you used to share in.
2. Realize Opposite Genders Hear Differently ~ Something exactly the same may be said to two people of the opposite gender and it will mean a world of something different.  A guy may come out to show how he looks in an outfit and the wife may get away with saying a simple "Fine" response.  However, said the same way to her and it may not be received well. 
3. Realize Words Can Be Like Daggers ~ This doesn't even have to include "put downs" nor does it have to just include disagreements.  If you say, "That's the worst ___ ever!" and the response is "No, it isn't", you will either be comforted or left fuming.  It all depends on the response.  Reading it, it is just words, saying it is different.  But words can be daggers that don't have to be a "response", just what we say determines how someone feels after our sentence is completed.  Be conscious of how you come across.  A man's voice to a female can be comforting or "barking".  A woman's voice to a man can be sweet or annoying.

What we hear may not be our fault, as we're made differently.  Learning to hear differently for the sake of understanding someone is a pursuit worth taking.  Possibly half of misunderstandings, specifically, between opposite genders will be a result of the fact that we speak, hear, and see differently.  "Not wrong, just different" (Emerson Eggerichs). 

Think about some of these things as you have your future conversations with people.

  

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Never Leaving Your Partner Behind…by Being Attentive

With the fast-paced society that we all currently live in, it is easy to get caught up in ones daily life. I know that I am as guilty as the next person. I have certain things that are on my plate that I am trying to get done each week. I tend to think about them too much. That is typical with those who can’t leave work at quitting time, but tend to think about things before and after. Plus, the more we’re connected through cell phones (worse yet, smartphones), the more people are able to contact us and the more portable our work/lifestyle becomes. This isn’t going to be something that I foresee will slow down. We are going to constantly be speeding up with connecting to each other.

How does all this relate? Well, when you’re married we need to take some time for our spouses, being attentive to them and their needs. If taking work with you works for your marriage, so be it. Regardless, maybe taking time to be with each other is something you could “find time” for. I’ve discussed talking and the closeness it brings to each other. Your spouse may want to go somewhere that doesn’t include much talking, but just enjoying the company between each other. Sometimes, it is all about doing something with them. If money is an issue, then find a way to do something that is cheaper than “dinner and a movie” but still allows both parties to benefit.

Sometimes, the idea of being attentive means that you can see when your partner has “had enough” of whatever you’re doing and may need to be by themselves. Another way to give attention is to leave notes – in their purse, wallet, cell phone, under pillow, on mirror, in medicine cabinet, in kitchen drawers, in clothes drawer, in lunch box, in brief case, etc.

Being attentive is easy when you are dating but becomes more difficult once you’re busy with life. Take time to be attentive to each other to help keep your partner from never being left behind.

Enduring Enterprise - Isaiah 54:10

I wish I had an answer as to why more marriages tend to fail each year. I know there are lots of speculations that have been formed as to answer that pondering. One, Hollywood doesn't model lifelong commitments. Two, previous parents may have been divorced (if married at all). Three, we make it easy to get out. Four, we are a "serve me" society. You may have your own to add, please do, as when you add your comment. However, aside from a few exceptions, relationships are to be permanent.

That permanency is modeled by God, Himself. He shows us that we will give up on Him before He gives up on us. He is not out for Himself, but looking out for our best interest. Even when we have been the one who messed up (again and again).

As we concluded our month talking about relationships, we finished up by looking at the enduring side of a marriage. Whether that marriage is to another human being or to God, He shows us that we are to not be giving up on that "marriage". Here are some applications to choose from to use from this week's lesson...

1. When wanting to "give up" on your partner, think about the "why" factor. Why are you wanting to give up? What have they done that enables you a way out that you have not done to God, sometime?
2. Self-reflect on the idea of you being OK with God giving up on your for the same thing - no forgiveness or grace given.
3. Make a list of all the good things that you see/saw in that person (or the things that attract you to them).
4. Pray for your heart to be softened toward them.
5. "Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything." I Peter 4:8 (The Message)
6. Don't give up on your brethren, either. If you have a problem, go and "carefront" them to get things straightened out. Remember the "marriage" you're apart of with them, too.
   

Relationships are to be long-term. Both the ones that are joined together by a ring or a Cross. We are to endure the tough times so as to remain partners. Nothing with relationships are totally easy...but it is totally worth it!

Enjoying my Enterprise!...

Never Leaving Your Partner Behind...by Listening

Listening is a skill that we all possess, though men and women approach it differently. Basically, we could probably listen to anyone talk about things we’re interested in, for “hours”. However, when it comes to play in relationships, we tend to have a “limited supply” of listening. This tends to be unfortunate when it comes to deepening your relationship with your spouse.

Webster defines it this way: 1: to pay attention to sound 2: to hear something with thoughtful attention: give consideration 3: to be alert to catch an expected sound

Men will usually get the bad rap for not being able to listen. Whether they are accused of not remembering a detail after being told a few moments before or they are caught tuning out their spouse after a certain length of time. However, in different ways, women can be not as good of listeners, too.

Women enjoy talking to get to know the other person better. They love to share ideas and hear that the receiver is sharing in that idea with them, even if they have a difference of opinion. They like to connect and grow closer to that person by sharing a bit of themselves. Hence, why they like to talk about their day, her family, her house, or what “Susie” is doing in her life. They enjoy talking about their struggles with decorating, their job, or their wardrobe.

Men enjoy talking about what they’ve done, too. They enjoy talking about their tools, trucks, sports, accomplishments, etc. They like to tell their spouse about their day, not to “express feelings”, but to simply inform (and usually in much shorter paragraphs).

Husbands can listen to their wife the way she needs it, but it requires effort. Especially, in areas that are not of the husband’s interest (don’t forget to steer away from the “solving” approach, sometimes she just needs you to listen). Wives like to connect through conversing with their husbands. However, when it comes to areas that the wife is not interested in, it may take as much effort as it does for the husband. To be the most effective, you may have to turn off the TV, go to Starbucks, take a drive, wait till the kids are in bed, or anything else that may distract you from each other.

Listening is a way to grow closer to your partner. Depending on the subject area, one side of the conversation may be shorter than the other. The length of time is not what is important, but that you take time to listen to each other to help make your marriage “fireproof”.

Learning to listen…

Fireproof: Relationship of Rescue

We've all heard stories of parents going to great lengths to find their lost and/or abducted children. Maybe you've been one of those parents (even if it was simply lost in a public place). Once you realize that the child is missing you start looking, everywhere, very quickly. Hollering out their name. Heart beating quicker. Panic sets in. All this goes on because of the close relationship you have with that child. You would do anything for them. You have that "I'll always love you, no matter what you do" feeling.

That is a similar feeling to how God cares for His children. When we wander off, He's wanting to find us. When we do the unthinkable, He still loves us. He loves us because that is His nature. (I don't disregard the just-ness of God when referring to Him loving us). The relationship between God and us is a relationship of rescue. The relationship of us to a loved one should be the same.

As we looked at the movie Fireproof yesterday, we saw the scene where the husband realizes that he is not loving his wife the way he needs to be doing. She's "treating" him with a lack of care and consideration (much due to his previous actions), and he's trying to reconcile the situation. She doesn't seem to care. It is pointed out that that is much the same way we treat God. He does and does for us, but we still spit in His face; He still loves us.

Here are some applications to use from this week's message...

1. Pray for your partner everyday (Buy The Power of a Praying Wife/Husband to help you with some specific prayers).
2. Pray for your best friend - for the unmarrieds
3. Look for signs that your partner is in need of rescuing; ask God to help you see.
4. Work on strengthening your relationship with someone in your congregation that you don't normally talk to regularly - so as to understand them and know when to rescue them.

Being in a battle is not what we were at all created to be. We're too fragile as humans. When it comes to doing battle with the Evil One, we are also fragile. However, we can easily win when we have God with us. With God you're a majority in any battle!

Spiritually, we have a relationship that He will be there to rescue us. Earthly, you need to have a relationship that will rescue in times of need. If you're married, tell your partner how much you need/appreciate that. If you're unmarried, find someone that can be there for you when you need to be rescued. Rescuing could be a phone number to call in the middle of the night, a listening ear, or a place to come that is safe.

Appreciating my partner...

Love the One You Love

I've been overflowingly blessed to be married to my Valentine for eleven years. We knew each other before we started dating, but had been separated by my family moving away. Even when we were friends, neither had any thought that we would one day be married. It took one of my friends moving to where she lived to get us together. I wasn't looking for my "true love" but God had other plans. It has been twelve and a half years since that glorious day.

I am thankful that we get to go to bed and wake up next to each other. Though that is common in marriages, I want to extend it to the fact that, regularly, I am thankful to God that that is our norm. There may be times I take it for granted, but that is a rarity. I love my wife and she is the most gorgeous and breathtaking woman in the world!

With a salute to Valentine's Day, this weekend, here is a poem that describes some attributes of marriage.

One look
One smile
One touch
One embrace
One kiss
One love
Two people
Two minds
Two souls
Two destinies
One road
One journey
One ending
Together.

~ Melissa Higgins

May this weekend be a time you can tell your husband how much you respect him or your wife how much you love her! Words, when said with sincerity, speak volumes to your spouse!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Never Leaving Your Partner Behind...by Being Active

In marriages, we are coming together from two different places. The obvious place is just the fact that we are male and female. However, with that brings the way we view things. Other differences are incorporated in how we were molded – family traditions, family values, etc.

My parent’s had their first date at a high school baseball game. My dad played while my mom watched. I don’t know if she sat with any friends, but she was basically by herself. Some date, right? The other part is that there was hardly a word spoken to her after the game. My dad picked her up, went to the game, played the game, and took her home. To him, it was great, not to her; but their relationship has still lasted almost forty-six years.

There are lots of ways one can be active in your partners life. However, I want you to think about things which your specific partner likes and take an active role in being interested in them (even if it is on occasion).

A few years ago, I was introduced to the Xbox game system. I enjoy the sports games, specifically NCAA Football. There are times when I make a good play or win the “National Championship” that I like to show my wife my accomplishments. She graciously gives me her attention to “congratulate” me on my accomplishment. She’s the best!

Does your spouse like to play sports? Watch sports? Go to craft shows? Watch TV/movies? Take walks? Go to plays? Go to concerts? Work in the yard? Plant a garden? Play video games? Go to hotels? Go shopping? The list could go on and on. Participating in these activities are easy if you like them too, but are more difficult when you are not interested. That is where you realize that it is good for your relationship to keep learning about your spouse and to take an interest in something they enjoy. It will help bring you closer together and help keep your marriage out of the “fire”.

A student of being active…

Never Leaving Your Partner Behind…by Praying

This will be a small series of posts...one today, one tomorrow, then the other two will be the next two weeks, on a Tuesday. They are bulletin articles, but thought others might benefit
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In the movie, Fireproof, there is a scene in the beginning where the Fire Captain Caleb Holt is reprimanding one of his younger firefighters for leaving his partner at their last fire to go and help someone else. The firefighter may have had good intentions, but it left his partner in the lurch. He could have been killed. Caleb tells him, “Never leave your partner behind”. When I saw this movie, I knew exactly where this was going in respect to the plot of the film.

As we look at the movie as inspiration to our series, I want to look at a few ways we can apply the idea of “never leaving our partner behind”.

Never leave your partner behind by praying for them. There are so many fires that we all can find ourselves in throughout the day that we need protection from the inconsumable God.

One of the passions of mine and Aubrey’s is marriage combined with prayer. During the next month or two, look for advertising of Aubrey starting a “Power of a Praying Wife” study. I know that wives are busy with work and/or family, however, this once-a-week study will definitely be worth the time that you take out of your busy schedule! Words cannot describe the reward that you will receive by going through this study!

Then, in September, in correlation with Monday Night Football, I will be having the “Power of a Praying Husband” study. I thoroughly enjoy going through this study, as it teaches me how to specifically pray for what my wife needs. Each chapter has a separate need to be praying for her on. Plus, once we’re done with our study, then we get to watch football.

These studies do not only help your own prayer life, but they help your partner feel protected!

You don’t have to wait until these studies are here to be praying for your partner. Start now! Prayer draws you closer, which has many benefits! Also, pray together, this is a great activity to becoming closer and more connected to your partner.

Remember, you may have good intentions when you are doing activities throughout the day, but when we get wrapped up in those activities, we can have a tendency to leave our partner in the middle of a “fire”. So, one way to never leave your partner behind…is by praying for them!

Monday Mentionings: In the "Ring" - Part 2 - Deuteronomy 24:5

It was a great day to be with the family, yesterday! Bible Class and the assembly was a real pick-me-up for my week! I hope that you were able to be encouraged and uplifted during the “family reunion”!

We continued with our second week of our marriage series, “In the ‘Ring’”, yesterday. This series examines how we are to be by looking at words that have the letters r-i-n-g in them. Yesterday, we looked at concepts from the following words or phrases: MinisteRING to Their Needs, CoveRING, BeaRING, & SuffeRING. As we review these from yesterday, may you find some applications to use in your week…

1. Husbands and wives are totally different. There differences do not make them wrong, just different. When we learn to understand those differences, our marriages will be much better and smoother. The needs that we looked at for the wives and husbands come out the recommended book “Love and Respect”. The wife’s needs from their husband are: Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteeming. The husband’s needs from their wife are: Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality. Also, we are to serve one another in love. As you go through this week, whether it is a spouse or others, practice doing things for others with an attitude of service and love.
2. Just as it is important to have a cover over your house, called a roof, which protects all your personal belongings, it is important to have a covering over your spouse. You have lots of important, priceless things in your home; your spouse is no less important. Make sure you cover your spouse in prayer, each and every day! This will greatly enhance your marriage! As a church, we should also be covering each other in prayer to help keep us all protected from the world, Satan, etc.
3. Since we are all unique individuals it should not surprise us that we might do things that may rub others the wrong way, whether it is in a marriage, in the church, at work, etc. Christ taught us that when someone rubs us the wrong way, we are to turn the other cheek. He also taught us to be forgiving. This week, as someone rubs you the wrong way, apply those principles. But even before anything happens, pray for God’s help to recognize the situations and to be able to do the right thing when you are in that situation.
4. In marriage, we are certain to go through rough patches. The amount of suffering that accompanies these “patches” varies, depending on the couple and the situation. If you are suffering in life and/or your marriage, pray for your spouse and/or that you will come out stronger than when you first started. Also, count your blessings. Thirdly, remember that Christ suffered, but “scorned the cross for the joy that was before Him” (paraphrased Hebrews 12:2). May God bless you with victories through your sufferings!

Have a great week of sharing Jesus!

Loving my spouse ~

Walked Through the Door...Though Hesitant

Yesterday, I had another opportunity to be a substitute teacher. Last week, a kid asked if being a sub was "degrading". I told him, "No, not at all". For me, I really enjoy teaching and I have another job, so this is just a great opportunity to be around people I don't normally get to be around. All the while, sharing and showing Jesus to them! Now back to yesterday...

I had subbed in this class last year and remembered that there was a class in which they normally had a lot of discussions. But when there is a sub, it is a time to study. Feeling comfortably nervous (if you will), I decided to have a discussion on Love and Respect. (This is a title of a published book, but it is also a logical relationship concept from the bible) I had the boys make a list of five things that annoys/bothers them about girls, and I had the girls do the opposite.

It was funny when one girl said to the group, "Only five?" They couldn't do anything that was inappropriate or about someone specific (like in a recent breakup, etc.)

I then took the lists and read the boys, one at a time, sometimes asking the boys to defend their reasoning, and then discussing what they wrote. Then, I did the same with the girls' list. It went really well. They laughed, yet saw truth. One boy turned around two different times to calm some of the guys who were talking because he wanted to hear what I was saying. Then, a few classes later, a girl that was in that discussion came in for a different class and asked if they could do it in the current class. I said she already did it and she responded by telling me that "it was fun."

God opened a door. I was a bit hesitant to walk through it. I wasn't real comfortable doing a lesson in someone else's classroom, but I did walk through the door and God surprised me! God is good...!

What doors will God open for you, today?

Have a great day!

Checking the knobs for open doors ~
Jarrod