Stuck on a Chapter?

Have you ever made a mistake and simply wished you could rewind and start over? If you're like most poeple you definitely have had those moments in your life. Maybe it was something you said. Maybe a semester in school you slacked off on. Or any other mistake...we want them to be rewound and start over.

Some choices we may want to start over but at the same time we haven't reached the point of being willing to start over. We are content to stay at the same place - even if we don't like it, it is not enough of a discomfort to move on.

Examples of this may include addictions, bad relationships, bad jobs, etc. We want to get to the next chapter in our lives, but the obstacles seem to be holding us back. This brings us to this week's quote...

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one. ~ Unknown

As I pondered the quote, it caused me to think about how often I have been known to re-read the last chapter. Maybe the chapter before that, as well.

When it comes to literal reading, I tend to be a bit slower, especially when I am really trying to comprehend. There have been known times when I would put a book down for a few days to a week and once I returned to the reading, I had to refresh my memory on what was going on in the book. This slows down my momentum in the book and generally causes the book to not be so impactful.

When we remain in a phase of life that would be much better for us to not be in, we are essentially "re-reading the lat chapter."

As you go through life, be aware of what chapter you are on and the obstacles that are preventing you from "reading the next chapter!"

Now it's your turn...what do you need to do in your current situation to "turn the page" and read the next chapter?

Allowing Others to Love the Real You

I remember when I was interviewing for my ministry job. I was very nervous and wanting everyone to be interested in me. Trying to get a group of people to be impressed by what you bring to the table in a short period of time is very challenging. I remember answering some of the questions and I would likely guess that I tried to answer them the way they wanted to hear them, all in hopes to land a job.

Though my personality was probably not too far from what is really "me" I would likely guess some of the other parts of the weekend was filled with "putting my best foot forward." That first experience taught me some lessons to take to other interview opportunities.

Time taught me some important lessons about showing the "real" me so that people will not be getting anything different than what they see initially. The other part of the challenge in landing a job is getting a feel for the other party and hoping to see the real them.

When you go through life, you should be letting people become attached to the real you so there are no surprises if things progress in the relationship. That brings us to this week's quote...

Don't change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you. ~ Unknown

One thing has definitely been learned from that first time, to show the real me. I have utilized this approach in many areas, including interviews. It has caused me to leave the interview knowing that what "they get" will not be a surprise. They will be hiring the person that they interviewed.

The same goes in life. Sometimes we try to make ourselves appear as someone we are not simply to try to impress. However, this quote challenges us to let people love the real you. This will do more than one positive thing - 1) No surprises, 2) Appreciating what they receive, and 3) develops trust. When we put someone that isn't "us" to others it will likely do the opposite of those three.

Relationships do not need "surprises," lack of appreciation, or a lack of trust. Those can create a rocky relationship, long term.

Let us show the real "you" so people will love that same person!

Now it's your turn...What do people need to see in you to see the "real you" so that they can love the "real you?"

Join in With Someone in the Journey of Life

Life is not the same for any one person. We all live through different experiences, different fashion times, different music times, different families, and the differences could continue. So when two people enter into a life together, they are going to bring those differences with them.

If you've been in a long-term relationship, what were some of the differences that made the relationship the challenge? What made it that much more rewarding?

As much as I like to have "me" time, I could not imagine what life would be like without the blessing of the company of my wife, son and daughter. I love them so much and that brings us to this week's quote...

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. ~ Anna Quindlen

Relationships are not easy, but they are very rewarding! When we put in work, we reap the benefits. Sometimes we can reap the benefits anyway, but to work at it is rewarding without the benefits.

So, "get a life" and spend time with people, but it will take effort...Keep that in mind.

Now, you have the opportunity to answer the question posted in the first part of the post...

Blue vs. Pink

Practically all of us grew up with the concept of having boys and girls being differentiated by blue and pink. Blue is manly and pink is girly. We even judge on those differentiations, especially for the guy because if he is wearing much pink then there is a stigma attached. However, the same goes, especially for a baby girl, if she is wearing too much blue.

Is it wrong to wear pink for a guy or blue for a girl or is it just different?  With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I thought this may be a good quote to put out there…

Blue and pink, not wrong, just different.  ~ Emerson Eggerichs, author of “Love and Respect”

To give a brief background on this quote, man and woman are indicated by these two colors. Think that the man hears, sees, and speaks “blue.”  Whereas the woman hears, sees, and speaks “pink.”  This author lists a few examples of phrases we may say that are heard differently.

One example is “I don’t have any clothes to wear.”  If you say that to the blue group, you will get one response (typically – no clothes clean). You say that to the pink group and you will probably get a totally different response (typically – my clothes are outdated, I need new ones).  (If you’ve never heard this concept, ask your significant other and see if their response is anywhere close to the "typical”).

Enjoy your relationship and though we may think differently and react differently, that is what we are…blue and pink, not wrong, just different!

My Valentine’s Day Recommendation for Books for Couples:

Love and Respect – by Emerson Eggerichs

For Women Only & For Men Only – Each by Shaunti Feldhahn

Power of a Praying Wife & Power of a Praying Husband – Each by Stormie Omartian

Ten Suggestions for Keeping a Close Relationship Between You and God

If I was ever given the opportunity to meet someone "famous", and I mean someone that I would really like to meet, I think I would act starstruck. I would be a little lost for words, but I would eventually figure out how to actually talk to them like anyone else. A question for you is "would you act the starstruck or like your normal self?"

If given  more chances to talk to them, how would you act more normal? You would probably develop a set of guidelines to have yourself go by. Maybe you'd say "Don't say 'I can't believe I'm getting the chance to meet you" over and over again. Or, you would not ask all kinds of questions about them, and just treat them like you would any other person you met for the second or third time? 

That takes us into thinking about what we would do if we had the chance to meet God.  If you're like me, you've got a lot of questions to ask.  Why this? Why that? How this?  How that?  Would you think to just ask about Him?  Would you ask questions that showed you cared about Him or just questions that benefited you and your curiosity?  

Yesterday we looked at another lesson from the Tulsa Workshop, also by Randy Harris, titled "Ten Suggestions for Keeping a Close Relationship Between You and God".  Here are some applications to choose from to use this week...

1. Appreciate ~ When you first start praying or talking to God, let Him know the things you appreciate, first, before you start asking
2. Enjoy the Journey With Each Other ~ The family of God is more powerful when we're together.  When we're splintered, we're weak.  When we're at odds with each other, we're being splintered...hence we're weaker.
3. Risky Business ~ That is a description of being a Christian.  Are you willing to take the risks?  Will you take the risks that are associated with this lifestyle? The best part of it is that you will develop a closer relationship with Him!
4. Slow Down ~ Life is too short not to enjoy the journey.
5. Find the Dark ~ Let your light shine in a place or with a person that needs it.  You don't need light in the light; but in the dark. That's where your light can shine!
6. Invest ~ Are there things in your life that you have committed too much time toward?  Maybe you need to think about what is taking you away from being an invested Christian.
7. Enjoy Now ~ What can you do right now, where you're at, with what you have to make a difference for God?  Depending on Him will draw you closer to Him.

You want to have a closer relationship with Him?  Take one of the applications to see if it fits in your life. A complete list of the ten suggestions are listed below.

#1 - Quit Whining, #2 - Form Covenant, #3 - Memorize the Sermon on the Mount, #4 - Take a Risk, #5 - Walk (vs. Run), #6 - Relocate, #7 - Calm Down, #8 - Simplify, Materially, #9 - Commit, #10 - Be Present

Let's work together in making our individual relationships with God stronger, which will make our entire relationship with Him stronger.

Challenge is Set

There was a game that was played when I was a youth.  The game was quick.  The game involved a group of people with a task presented before them and they would all say "not it".  The last one to say the phrase was THE one to be assigned to do the task.  Obviously it was a task that was not desired, otherwise people wouldn't have been saying "not it". 

Throughout the month of February, there have been a series of sermons couched around the phrase "I Don't".  We looked at "I Don't Want Anyone Else", "I Don't Want to Leave You Unprotected", & "I Don't Want to Take You For Granted."  Today, we're looking at "I Don't Hear You".  Within all of these is a challenge to try to constantly live up to.  They are not "over-the-top" concepts.  They are simple and possibly, eye-opening.  Though geared toward married couples, the messages also reach out to everyone else. 

Now that you have been presented with this material, you can decide whether you are going to follow it up with "not it" or "I will".  You can hear and/or grasp these messages and see what things you can get out of them that you can use to better your relationships or you can just ignore them and bow out of any type of challenge that has been presented.

Choosing to "bow out" will be a detriment to you and those you have a relationship with.  Your spouse and you will not be as close.  Your biological family, the same; likewise, your spiritual family. 

I hope you will take time to internalize these for the betterment of your relationships and to say "I will" and strive to do what you can to live up to these challenges.  If you do stumble, don't quit, and keep working toward the goal.

Look forward to what happens when you choose to take part rather than bowing out!





Social Bookmarking Links

"I Don't...Hear You" - Proverbs 12:18

She says, "How do I look?"

He says, "Fine!"

How did that conversation go after that point?  It depends on how you read it and most of it has to do with the way you read the man's answer.  Did you read it envisioning him saying it through a newspaper, not even giving much more than a glance?  Did you read it envisioning him saying it in the middle of a TV show/sports game and wanting her to move out of the way so he can see the next play?  Did you read it envisioning him looking her up and down and giving her the "J.J.", from "Good Times, type of emphasis that may be stretched out a bit like "FINNNE"?

What was it she was wanting to know?  Was she wanting to know if her tags were tucked in or if her clothes matched?  No, she wanted to know if the guy that had her heart thought she was "rockin' his world" by what she looked like, no matter how simple or complex the outfit may have been. 

He says about a recently completed project, "What do you think?"

She says, "It's fine!"

I didn't want to use too generalized of a scenario like mowing the lawn because not every guy mows his own lawn.  However, most all guys will complete some type of project, either around the house or at work, that he is proud of and will want to show it to his girl.

So, how did you read it?  Was he showing her the project in the middle of her trying to complete other tasks and she didn't take the time to really look at it, so she was just wanting him to quit showing it to her?  Or was she really interested in something her guy had done and thought it looked really good?

How things are said, both tone and body language, determines to a great degree how they are received.  Yesterday, we concluded our "I Don't" Series by looking at how people can say something and the receiver may interpret it different than intended.  Here are some applications to choose from to use this week...

1. Realize Your Partner Desires Your Attention ~ During the dating time we show a lot of attention to the other person, even in areas we are not interested in.  This just confuses, and possibly deceives, the other person if, after the marriage ceremony, we no longer have that interest.  Let your communication be consistent.  If you've lost that connection, realize you would do well to get it back by showing interest in the areas you used to share in.
2. Realize Opposite Genders Hear Differently ~ Something exactly the same may be said to two people of the opposite gender and it will mean a world of something different.  A guy may come out to show how he looks in an outfit and the wife may get away with saying a simple "Fine" response.  However, said the same way to her and it may not be received well. 
3. Realize Words Can Be Like Daggers ~ This doesn't even have to include "put downs" nor does it have to just include disagreements.  If you say, "That's the worst ___ ever!" and the response is "No, it isn't", you will either be comforted or left fuming.  It all depends on the response.  Reading it, it is just words, saying it is different.  But words can be daggers that don't have to be a "response", just what we say determines how someone feels after our sentence is completed.  Be conscious of how you come across.  A man's voice to a female can be comforting or "barking".  A woman's voice to a man can be sweet or annoying.

What we hear may not be our fault, as we're made differently.  Learning to hear differently for the sake of understanding someone is a pursuit worth taking.  Possibly half of misunderstandings, specifically, between opposite genders will be a result of the fact that we speak, hear, and see differently.  "Not wrong, just different" (Emerson Eggerichs). 

Think about some of these things as you have your future conversations with people.

  

Social Bookmarking Links

"I Don't"...Want Anyone Else - Ecclesiastes 9:9

Are you one who sees greener grass in other areas?  Do you look at your own circumstances, then compare your life to someone else's and think something like "They have it better?"  It could be about a job, a car they drive, their income, their life (in general), or even their love life (whether married or single)?  Specifically talking about the last option, do you ever think what it would be like to be married or in a relationship with someone else? Do you ever long to have your life be something it is not probably ever going to be? 

As we started a new relationship series yesterday called "I Don't" we are looking at different phrases to add to that which will help us to enhance the relationship we are in.  Specifically, we talked about the phrase "I Don't Want Anyone Else".  This is a renewal and a refocus type of series, attempting to get our minds back on the right track concerning relationships (both personal and spiritual).

Why is it that "green grass" is attractive?  It often is just a mirage to our senses because the "grass" we are able to be around at the moment is just what we need.  Here are some applications to choose from to use this week...

1. Make a list of ten things/areas that you like about your spouse/significant other (if you are not in a relationship, make a list of someone in the church you don't know so well).  What talents they have, why you like them, etc.
2. Re-read your vows that you said to each other, in which you probably responded "I do"
3. Read some of the "one another" passages to refresh yourself as to how you should look at those of which you share your faith.  Here are some examples: John 13:34-35, Romans 12:10, Romans 15:7, Galatians 5:13, Ephesians 4:2, Ephesians 4:32, Hebrews 3:13, 1 Peter 5:5
4. Pray - If you're having a difficult time not seeing your pasture as "green" then you should be taking it to Him in prayer and asking Him to keep your thoughts and/or eyes on the pasture your in.  It doesn't matter if you are just looking for another job or another partner, or anywhere in between.  Appreciate what you have!
5. Accountability - Similar to the above, you need to find someone who will encourage you to keep your thoughts/emotions/eyes on the pasture your at right now.  Not being transparent when you are dealing with difficulties just makes it that much more difficult to overcome.
6. Stay Away From the Fence - If you are having difficulties looking at something to think it is "better", then maybe you need to stay away from the fence that marks off the "greener pasture" and turn around to look at yours.  Leaning on the fencepost and looking out at the "pasture" may cause you to do something you regret - jumping over the fence.

It is frightening how many people "jump over the fence" to dabble in that which is on the other side, literally or figuratively.  It seems that once-a-month I hear of something that has happened in a marriage in the town I live in.  People have forgotten that they would be loyal to their partner.  However, the same kind of thing can happen among church brethren that involves unhappiness with your fellow church members so you look for somewhere else to "go".  These situations all boil down to the "ME" syndrome.  You aren't getting what you want so you start looking somewhere else.  Instead of the "we" approach where you look out for what is best for the both or all of you and how things can be improved.

May we make commitments and stick to them and to remind ourselves that "I Don't Want Anyone Else!"




Social Bookmarking Links

Fireproof: Relationship of Rescue

We've all heard stories of parents going to great lengths to find their lost and/or abducted children. Maybe you've been one of those parents (even if it was simply lost in a public place). Once you realize that the child is missing you start looking, everywhere, very quickly. Hollering out their name. Heart beating quicker. Panic sets in. All this goes on because of the close relationship you have with that child. You would do anything for them. You have that "I'll always love you, no matter what you do" feeling.

That is a similar feeling to how God cares for His children. When we wander off, He's wanting to find us. When we do the unthinkable, He still loves us. He loves us because that is His nature. (I don't disregard the just-ness of God when referring to Him loving us). The relationship between God and us is a relationship of rescue. The relationship of us to a loved one should be the same.

As we looked at the movie Fireproof yesterday, we saw the scene where the husband realizes that he is not loving his wife the way he needs to be doing. She's "treating" him with a lack of care and consideration (much due to his previous actions), and he's trying to reconcile the situation. She doesn't seem to care. It is pointed out that that is much the same way we treat God. He does and does for us, but we still spit in His face; He still loves us.

Here are some applications to use from this week's message...

1. Pray for your partner everyday (Buy The Power of a Praying Wife/Husband to help you with some specific prayers).
2. Pray for your best friend - for the unmarrieds
3. Look for signs that your partner is in need of rescuing; ask God to help you see.
4. Work on strengthening your relationship with someone in your congregation that you don't normally talk to regularly - so as to understand them and know when to rescue them.

Being in a battle is not what we were at all created to be. We're too fragile as humans. When it comes to doing battle with the Evil One, we are also fragile. However, we can easily win when we have God with us. With God you're a majority in any battle!

Spiritually, we have a relationship that He will be there to rescue us. Earthly, you need to have a relationship that will rescue in times of need. If you're married, tell your partner how much you need/appreciate that. If you're unmarried, find someone that can be there for you when you need to be rescued. Rescuing could be a phone number to call in the middle of the night, a listening ear, or a place to come that is safe.

Appreciating my partner...

Do You Have Such a Friend?

"Aubrey and Amy"..."Amy and Aubrey" That is what they were referred to in college. They go together like any good combination you can think of. This is my wife and her best friend. They didn't grow up together, or even, near each other. However, once they found each other, they were inseparable! They know how each other thinks. They finish each others sentences. It is sometimes scary to have them both in the same room together!

They know each other so well that they are totally comfortable around each other. They balance each other out, they strengthen each other, they are just great friends! Miles and time do not hinder the closeness of their relationship. Whenever they are together, it is like they just saw each other yesterday. Their friendship came to mind when I saw this week's quote...

A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows your your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities. ~ William Arthur Ward

This friendship came to my wife when she was developing her own faith. That is what helped solidify their relationship. I hope you all have a same gender friend that you are very close to. One, that it doesn't matter how long you've seen each other, the conversation picks up where it left off. One, who is there for you no matter what you do.

We were not made to live solitary lives! We were made to have relationships with others. Do you have such a friend as does my wife? I hope so! If you don't, may you be blessed to find one!

Enjoying friendships...

Beyond 99.44% - I Peter 1:22c

How pure is your love...to your spouse, your family, your friends, or your church family? "Ninety-nine and forty-four percent pure love..." was the words of Ronnie Milsap as he sang the song "Pure Love" over twenty years ago. He is wanting to let the woman he loves to say that his love is very pure. What stops him from going on to 100%? How about the rest of us?

Yesterday, we looked at the first chapter of Peter's first letter and verse twenty-two, the last part. This part of the text says that our love for each other should be "pure". For me, this is a constant challenge to strive toward that goal. As we focus on this goal, let's look at some applications to choose from to use in our everyday life...

1. None of us are perfect and imperfection means flaws. Saying this to say we may not be perfect, but our goal should be to become as close to perfection (at least in certain areas) as possible. May we pray that God will reveal our imperfections and show us how to love beyond 99.44%.
   
2. We've all probably been told "You don't hate anyone". However, the reality is, the word basically means "love less". We've all felt that way toward someone. The phrase is an adage to help teach children a lesson, one that adults seldom practice. If you are feeling hurt, offended, criticized, etc., by someone, pray for that person - believe me it helps a lot!
3. Love is not like clothing that is put on and taken off when we feel like it. It is something that should be "inside" and not on the "outside". Love is an action which comes from making a decision. A decision that says "No matter what, I want to keep our relationship out of Satan's reach so that he will not damage it in any way." Pray a prayer of maintenance so that when relationships are severed, you will have "prepared your mind for action" (I Peter 1:13) and be able work through it, completely.
   

One of the biggest lessons that I realized through this lesson was to ask myself, "What if Jesus were only to have died for 99.44% of my sins?" WOW! If that were the case, I'd be without hope! Praise God that Jesus died for 100% of my sins. As He is my example, I am challenged to extend that same percentage of love toward others!

Have a great week!

Aspiring to Always Extend Christlike Love...

Walked Through the Door...Though Hesitant

Yesterday, I had another opportunity to be a substitute teacher. Last week, a kid asked if being a sub was "degrading". I told him, "No, not at all". For me, I really enjoy teaching and I have another job, so this is just a great opportunity to be around people I don't normally get to be around. All the while, sharing and showing Jesus to them! Now back to yesterday...

I had subbed in this class last year and remembered that there was a class in which they normally had a lot of discussions. But when there is a sub, it is a time to study. Feeling comfortably nervous (if you will), I decided to have a discussion on Love and Respect. (This is a title of a published book, but it is also a logical relationship concept from the bible) I had the boys make a list of five things that annoys/bothers them about girls, and I had the girls do the opposite.

It was funny when one girl said to the group, "Only five?" They couldn't do anything that was inappropriate or about someone specific (like in a recent breakup, etc.)

I then took the lists and read the boys, one at a time, sometimes asking the boys to defend their reasoning, and then discussing what they wrote. Then, I did the same with the girls' list. It went really well. They laughed, yet saw truth. One boy turned around two different times to calm some of the guys who were talking because he wanted to hear what I was saying. Then, a few classes later, a girl that was in that discussion came in for a different class and asked if they could do it in the current class. I said she already did it and she responded by telling me that "it was fun."

God opened a door. I was a bit hesitant to walk through it. I wasn't real comfortable doing a lesson in someone else's classroom, but I did walk through the door and God surprised me! God is good...!

What doors will God open for you, today?

Have a great day!

Checking the knobs for open doors ~
Jarrod