"I Don't...Hear You" - Proverbs 12:18

She says, "How do I look?"

He says, "Fine!"

How did that conversation go after that point?  It depends on how you read it and most of it has to do with the way you read the man's answer.  Did you read it envisioning him saying it through a newspaper, not even giving much more than a glance?  Did you read it envisioning him saying it in the middle of a TV show/sports game and wanting her to move out of the way so he can see the next play?  Did you read it envisioning him looking her up and down and giving her the "J.J.", from "Good Times, type of emphasis that may be stretched out a bit like "FINNNE"?

What was it she was wanting to know?  Was she wanting to know if her tags were tucked in or if her clothes matched?  No, she wanted to know if the guy that had her heart thought she was "rockin' his world" by what she looked like, no matter how simple or complex the outfit may have been. 

He says about a recently completed project, "What do you think?"

She says, "It's fine!"

I didn't want to use too generalized of a scenario like mowing the lawn because not every guy mows his own lawn.  However, most all guys will complete some type of project, either around the house or at work, that he is proud of and will want to show it to his girl.

So, how did you read it?  Was he showing her the project in the middle of her trying to complete other tasks and she didn't take the time to really look at it, so she was just wanting him to quit showing it to her?  Or was she really interested in something her guy had done and thought it looked really good?

How things are said, both tone and body language, determines to a great degree how they are received.  Yesterday, we concluded our "I Don't" Series by looking at how people can say something and the receiver may interpret it different than intended.  Here are some applications to choose from to use this week...

1. Realize Your Partner Desires Your Attention ~ During the dating time we show a lot of attention to the other person, even in areas we are not interested in.  This just confuses, and possibly deceives, the other person if, after the marriage ceremony, we no longer have that interest.  Let your communication be consistent.  If you've lost that connection, realize you would do well to get it back by showing interest in the areas you used to share in.
2. Realize Opposite Genders Hear Differently ~ Something exactly the same may be said to two people of the opposite gender and it will mean a world of something different.  A guy may come out to show how he looks in an outfit and the wife may get away with saying a simple "Fine" response.  However, said the same way to her and it may not be received well. 
3. Realize Words Can Be Like Daggers ~ This doesn't even have to include "put downs" nor does it have to just include disagreements.  If you say, "That's the worst ___ ever!" and the response is "No, it isn't", you will either be comforted or left fuming.  It all depends on the response.  Reading it, it is just words, saying it is different.  But words can be daggers that don't have to be a "response", just what we say determines how someone feels after our sentence is completed.  Be conscious of how you come across.  A man's voice to a female can be comforting or "barking".  A woman's voice to a man can be sweet or annoying.

What we hear may not be our fault, as we're made differently.  Learning to hear differently for the sake of understanding someone is a pursuit worth taking.  Possibly half of misunderstandings, specifically, between opposite genders will be a result of the fact that we speak, hear, and see differently.  "Not wrong, just different" (Emerson Eggerichs). 

Think about some of these things as you have your future conversations with people.

  

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Why Our Differences Tend to Keep Us Separate

You can talk to some people about all kinds of things, but if you bring up the subject of religion, the conversation slows down or comes to a screeching halt. I don’t know why this idea came to me to write about, as I am not attempting to prove if one church group is right and another is wrong. However, when the idea did come, I thought it may develop into something interesting.

I have been in ministry a relatively short amount of time, entering my ninth year. At my first ministry position, I was not involved in the local Ministerial Alliance. I found a few ways to make my way into the community, but I kept hearing other minister’s names be mentioned with their involvement. Each one of them was a part of the Alliance. I was seeing a degree of value regarding involvement in the Alliance.

At my second ministry position I did get involved with the local Ministerial Alliance. I thoroughly enjoyed the involvement. It allowed me to be more a part of the community. It allowed our church to be visible in the community. So, when I moved here, it was natural for me to be involved with the Alliance, along with other groups.

I say all that to arrive here. Almost all of my growing up, my family or church tended to not be involved with other church denominations. You may have similar experiences during your years of growing up, in the church you attend. You may have grown up knowing about spiritual and pastoral debates, trying to prove who has the handle on a scriptural topic or doctrine. Did any type of unity develop from that or just a greater knowledge of what makes you different?

Somewhere in your church’s history a dividing line was created to cause your church’s name to be put on your building, which differentiates you from the church “down the street”. To some on the extreme side of the spectrum, that means that one cannot fellowship with one who believes any differently. Possibly worse than that is when a church has split and now the groups are “mad” so they can’t talk to each other.

Whatever the reason for the differentiating mark, does that mean we have to be like the Montagues and Capulets when it comes to a spiritual relationship? We might be able to pool our money to share seats at a sporting event, while cheering on the same team, but if it comes to pooling our money for a spiritual event, put on the brakes!

What is the advantage of trying to stay on opposite lines when it comes to working together toward a common goal? One thing I’ve learned, being in the Ministerial Alliance, is that even when you may not agree on every theological point, you can still accomplish some great things! The Alliance is not about a “show-and-tell” of who’s right. We are about collaborating together, in the realm of faith, to bring Christ to the forefront.

The Montagues and the Capulets were bitter rivals. Imagine what might have been accomplished if they would have been able to work together? When we act in this manner, we are creating a “civil war” of sorts. You may have deep beliefs concerning your stance on certain theological issues. I don’t mind if you do. I also hope that you would not let those issues be something that keeps you from being involved with efforts of the churches in our community. After all, bitter rivals put out a lot of effort trying to avoid one another, where nothing gets accomplished. Why not approach the difference in a way that understands there are differences, but greater things can be accomplished working together rather than working against each other.

In November, the Thomas County Ministerial Alliance is hosting a Thanksgiving Service at Frahm Theater. I think this will be an awesome time to come together, expressing our thanks to our Creator. We don’t have to worry about who goes to what church. We have one thing in common, Jesus. Our focus that evening is about being thankful to Jesus.

I still do not know why we tend to be able to talk about so many things except religion. I am learning to talk about it easier with folks that I know differ and not having it come to a halt or move into a debate. I am not right on every point or interpretation of every Bible passage, so that causes me to listen more and talk less.

The concept of not being so separate may be a step for you. You aren’t going to cross the bridge without taking one step at a time. Eventually, you’ll make it over. Eventually, it will become more comfortable. Maybe, eventually, we’ll all be able to live together, talk together, and work together, keeping Jesus in the middle. All the while, letting any concept of “right” be something you reserve for appropriate settings and not allow it to keep us from working together or from being civil to one another. We’ll all find out, one day, who was “right” and who wasn’t. For now, let’s focus on what we have in common, Jesus, and allow that to help us work together, rather than letting differences separate.